HELEN'S 
BABIES 


JOHN  HABBERTON 


HELEN'S  BABIES. 


Copyright,  1876, 
By  A.  K.  LORING. 

Copyright,  1881, 
By  T.  B.  PBTKRSON  &.  BROTHERS. 


HELEN'S   BABIES. 

THE  first  cause,  so  far  as  it  can  be  deter 
mined,  of  the  existence  of  this  book  may 
be  found  in  the  following  letter,  written  by 
my  only  married  sister,  and  received  by 
me,  Harry  Burton,  salesman  of  white  goods, 
bachelor,  ged  twenty-eight,  and  received  just 
as  I  was  trying  to  decide  where  I  should 
spend  a  fortnight's  vacation : — 

"  HILLCREST,  June  15,  1875. 

"  DEAR  HARRY  : — Remembering  that  you 
are  always  complaining  that  you  never  have 
a  chance  to  read,  and  knowing  that  you 
won't  get  it  this  summer,  if  you  spend  your 
vacation  among  people  of  your  own  set,  I 
write  to  ask  you  to  come  up  here.  I  admit 
that  I  am  not  wholly  disinterested  in  inviting 
you.  The  truth  is,  Tom  and  I  are  invited  to 

s 


2081G98 


6  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

spend  a  fortnight  with  my  old  schoolmate, 
Alice  Wayne,  who,  you  know,  is  the  dearest 
girl  in  the  world,  though  you  didnt  obey 
me  and  marry  her  before  Frank  Wayne  ap 
peared.  Well,  we're  dying  to  go,  for  Alice 
and  Frank  live  in  splendid  style;  but  as  they 
haven't  included  our  children  in  their  invita 
tion,  and  have  no  children  of  their  own,  we 
must  leave  Budge  and  Toddie  at  home.  I've 
no  doubt  they'll  be  perfectly  safe,  for  my 
girl  is  a  jewel,  and  devoted  to  the  children, 
but  I  would  feel  a  great  deal  easier  if  there 
was  a  man  in  the  house.  Besides,  there's  the 
silver,  and  burglars  are  less  likely  to  break 
into  a  house  where  there's  a  savage-looking 
man.  (Never  mind  about  thanking  me  for 
the  compliment.)  If  you  II  only  come  up, 
my  mind  will  be  completely  at  rest.  The 
children  won't  give  you  the  slightest  trouble; 
they're  the  best  children  in  the  world — every 
body  says  so. 

"  Tom  has  plenty  of  cigars,  I  know,  for  the 
money  I  should  have  had  for  a  new  suit  went 
to  pay  his  cigar-man.  He  has  some  new 
claret,  too,  that  he  goes  into  ecstasies  over, 
though  /  can't  tell  it  from  the  vilest  black 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  7 

ink,  except  by  the  color.    Our  horses  are  in 
splendid   condition,  and   so  is  the  garden — 
you  see  I  don't  forget  your  old  passion  for 
flowers.    And,   last    and    best,    there   never 
were  so  many  handsome  girls   at    Hillcrest 
as    there    are   among   the  summer  boarders 
already  here;   the  girls  you  already  are   ac 
quainted  with  here  will  see  that  you  meet  all 
the  newer  acquisitions. 
"  Reply  by  telegraph  right  away. 
"  Of  course  you'll  say  'Yes.' 
"In  great  haste,  your  loving 

"SISTER  HELEN. 

"  P.  S.  You  shall  have  our  own  chamber; 
it  catches  every  breeze,  and  commands  the 
finest  views.  The  children's  room  communi 
cates  with  it;  so,  if  anything  should  happen 
to  the  darlings  at  night,  you'd  be  sure  to  hear 
them." 

"Just  the  thing!"  I  ejaculated.  Five  min 
utes  later  I  had  telegraphed  Helen  my  accep 
tance  of  her  invitation,  and  had  mentally 
selected  books  enough  to  busy  me  during  a 
dozen  vacations.  Without  sharing  Helen's 


8  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

belief  that  her  boys  were  the  best  ones  in  the 
world,  I  knew  them  well  enough  to  feel  as 
sured  that  they  would  not  give  me  any  an 
noyance.  There  were  two  of  them,  since 
Baby  Phil  died  last  fall;  Budge,  the  elder, 
was  five  years  of  age,  and  had  generally,  dur 
ing  my  flying  visits  to  Helen,  worn  a  shy, 
serious,  meditative,  noble  face,  with  great, 
pure,  penetrating  eyes,  that  made  me  almost 
fear  their  stare.  Tom  declared  he  was  a 
born  philanthropist  or  prophet,  and  Helen 
made  so  free  with  Miss  Muloch's  lines  as  to 
sing:— 

"  Ah,  the  day  that  thou  goest  a  wooing, 
Budgie,  my  boy !" 

Toddie  had  seen  but  three  summers,  and 
was  a  happy  little  know-nothing,  with  a  head 
full  of  tangled  yellow  hair,  and  a  very  pretty 
fancy  for  finding  out  sunbeams  and  dancing 
in  them.  I  had  long  envied  Tom  his  horses, 
his  garden,  his  house  and  his  location,  and 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  9 

the  idea  of  controlling  them  for  a  fortnight 
was  particularly  delightful.  Tom's  taste  in 
cigars  and  claret  I  had  always  respected, 
while  the  lady  inhabitants  of  Hillcrest  were, 
according  to  my  memory,  much  like  those  of 
every  other  suburban  village,  the  fairest  of 
their  sex. 

Three  days  later  I  made  the  hour  and  a 
half  trip  between  New  York  and  Hillcrest, 
and  hired  a  hackman  to  drive  me  over  to 
Tom's.  Half  a  mile  from  my  brother-in- 
law's  residence,  our  horses  shied  violently, 
and  the  driver,  after  talking  freely  to  them, 
turned  to  me  and  remarked : — 

'  That  was  one  of  the  '  Imps.' " 

"What  was?"  I  asked. 

"  That  little  cuss  that  scared  the  hosses. 
There  he  is,  now,  holdin'  up  that  piece  of 
brushwood.  'Twould  be  just  like  his  cheek, 
now,  to  ask  me  to  let  him  ride.  Here  he 
comes,  runnin'.  Wonder  where  t'other  is? — 
they  most  generally  travel  together.  We  call 


io  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

'em  the  Imps,  about  these  parts,  because 
they're  so  uncommon  likely  at  mischief.  Al 
ways  skeerin'  hosses,  or  chasin'  cows,  or 
frightenin'  chickens.  Nice  enough  father 
an'  mother,  too — queer,  how  young  ones  do 
turn  out." 

As  he  spoke,  the  offending  youth  came 
panting  beside  our  carriage,  and  in  a  very 
dirty  sailor-suit,  and  under  a  broad-brimmed 
straw  hat,  with  one  stocking  about  his  ankle, 
and  two  shoes,  averaging  about  two  but 
tons  each,  I  recognized  my  nephew,  Budge! 
About  the  same  time  there  emerged  from  the 
bushes  by  the  roadside  a  smaller  boy  in  a 
green  gingham  dress,  a  ruffle  which  might 
once  have  been  white,  dirty  stockings,  blue 
slippers  worn  through  at  the  toes,  and  an  old- 
fashioned  straw-turban.  Thrusting  into  the 
dust  of  the  road  a  branch  from  a  bush,  and 
shouting,  "  Here's  my  grass-cutter!"  he  ran 
toward  us  enveloped  in  a  "  pillar  of  cloud," 
which  might  have  served  the  purpose  of 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  u 

Israel  in  Egypt.  When  he  paused  and  the 
dust  had  somewhat  subsided,  I  beheld  the 
unmistakable  lineaments  of  the  child  Tod- 
die! 

"  They're — my  nephews,"  I  gasped. 

"  What ! "  exclaimed  the  driver.  "  By  gra 
cious!  I  forgot  you  were  going  to  Colonel 
Lawrence's!  I  didn't  tell  anything  but  the 
truth  about  'em,  though;  they're  smart 
enough,  an'  good  enough,  as  boys  go;  but 
they'll  never  die  of  the  complaint  that  chil 
dren  has  in  Sunday-school  books." 

"  Budge,"  said  I,  with  all  the  sternness  I 
could  command,  "do  you  know  me?" 

The  searching  eyes  of  the  embryo  prophet 
and  philanthropist  scanned  me  for  a  mo 
ment,  then  their  owner  replied : — 

"Yes;  you're  Uncle  Harry.  Did  you 
bring  us  anything? " 

"  Bring  us  anything? "  echoed  Toddie. 

"  I  wish  I  could  have  brought  you  some 
big  whippings,"  said  I,  with  great  severity  of 


12  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

manner,  "  for  behaving  so  badly.  Get  into 
this  carriage." 

"  Come  on,  Tod,"  shouted  Budge,  al 
though  Toddie's  farther  ear  was  not  a  yard 
from  Budge's  mouth.  "  Uncle  Harry's  going 
to  take  us  riding ! " 

"Going  to  take  us  riding!"  echoed  Tod- 
die,  with  the  air  of  one  in  a  reverie;  both  the 
echo  and  the  reverie  I  soon  learned  were 
characteristics  of  Toddie. 

As  they  clambered  into  the  carriage  I  no 
ticed  that  each  one  carried  a  very  dirty  towel, 
knotted  in  the  center  into  what  is  known  as 
a  slip-noose  knot,  drawn  very  tight.  After 
some  moments  of  disgusted  contemplation  of 
these  rags,  without  being  in  the  least  able  to 
comprehend  their  purpose,  I  asked  Budge 
what  those  towels  were  for. 

"  They're  not  towels — they're  dollies," 
promptly  answered  my  nephew. 

"  Goodness ! "  I  exclaimed.  "  I  should 
think  your  mother  could  buy  you  respectable 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  13 

dolls,  and  not  let  you  appear  in  public  with 
those  loathsome  rags." 

"  We  don't  like  buyed  dollies,"  explained 
Budge.  "These  dollies  is  lovely;  mine's 
name  is  Mary,  an'  Toddie's  is  Marfa." 

"Marfa?"  I  queried. 

"Yes;  don't  you  know  about 

"Marfa  and  Mary's  jus'  gone  along 
To  ring  dem  charmin'  bells, 

that  them  Jubilee  sings  about?" 

"  Oh,  Martha,  you  mean? " 

"  Yes,  Marfa — that's  what  I  say.  Toddie's 
dolly's  got  brown  eyes,  an'  my  dolly's  got 
blue  eyes." 

"  I  want  to  shee  yours  watch,"  remarked 
Toddie,  snatching  at  my  chain,  and  rolling 
into  my  lap. 

"Oh — oo — ee,  so  do  I,"  shouted  Budge, 
hastening  to  occupy  one  knee,  and  in  trans- 
itu  wiping  his  shoes  on  my  trousers  and  the 
skirts  of  my  coat.  Each  imp  put  an  arm 


14  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

about  me  to  steady  himself,  as  I  produced 
my  three  -  hundred  -  dollar  time -keeper  and 
showed  them  the  dial. 

"  I  want  to  see  the  wheels  go  round,"  said 
Budge. 

"  Want  to  shee  wheels  go  wound,"  echoed 
Toddie. 

"  No ;  I  can't  open  my  watch  where  there's 
so  much  dust,"  I  said. 

"What  for?"  inquired  Budge. 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound,"  re 
peated  Toddie. 

"  The  dust  gets  inside  the  watch  and  spoils 
it,"  I  explained. 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound,"  said 
Toddie,  once  more. 

"  I  tell  you  I  can't,  Toddie,"  said  I,  with 
considerable  asperity.  "  Dust  spoils  watch 
es." 

The  innocent  gray  eyes  looked  up  wonder- 
ingly,  the  dirty,  but  pretty  lips  parted 
slightly,  and  Toddie  murmured: — 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  15 

"  Want  to  shee  the  wheels  go  wound." 

I  abruptly  closed  my  watch  and  put  it  into 
my  pocket.  Instantly  Toddie's  lower  lip 
commenced  to  turn  outward,  and  continued 
to  do  so  until  I  seriously  feared  the  bony  por 
tion  of  his  chin  would  be  exposed  to  view. 
Then  his  lower  jaw  dropped,  and  he 
cried: — 

"  Ah  —  h  —  h  —  h  —  h—  h— h— want— to— 
shee — the  wheels — go  wou — oundr 

"  Charles  "  (Charles  is  his  baptismal  name), 
— "  Charles,"  I  exclaimed  with  some  anger, 
"  stop  that  noise  this  instant !  Do  you  hear 
me?" 

"  Yes — oo — oo — oo — ahoo — ahoo." 

"  Then  stop  it." 

"  Wants  to  shee— 

"Toddie,  I've  got  some  candy  in  my 
trunk,  but  I  won't  give  you  a  bit  if  you  don't 
stop  that  infernal  noise." 

"  Well,  I  wants  to  shee  wheels  go  wound. 
Ah— ah— h— h— h— h!" 


1 6  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Toddie,  dear,  don't  cry  so.  Here's  some 
ladies  coming  in  a  carnage;  you  wouldn't  let 
them  see  you  crying,  would  you?  You  shall 
see  the  wheels  go  round  as  soon  as  we  get 
home." 

A  carriage  containing  a  couple  of  ladies 
was  rapidly  approaching,  as  Toddie  again 
raised  his  voice. 

"  Ah — h — h — wants  to  shee  wheels " 

Madly  I  snatched  my  watch  from  my 
pocket,  opened  the  case,  and  exposed  the 
works  to  view.  The  other  carriage  was 
meeting  ours,  and  I  dropped  my  head  to 
avoid  meeting  the  glance  of  the  unknown 
occupants,  for  my  few  moments  of  contact 
with  my  dreadful  nephews  had  made  me  feel 
inexpressibly  unneat.  Suddenly  the  carriage 
with  the  ladies  stopped.  I  heard  my  own 
name  spoken,  and  raising  my  head  quickly 
(encountering  Budge's  bullet  head  en  route, 
to  the  serious  disarrangement  of  my  hat),  I 
looked  into  the  other  carriage.  There,  erect, 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  17 

fresh,  neat,  composed,  bright-eyed,  fair-faced, 
smiling  and  observant, — she  would  have  been 
all  this,  even  if  the  angel  of  the  resurrection 
had  just  sounded  his  dreadful  trump, — sat 
Miss  Alice  Mayton,  a  lady  who,  for  about  a 
year,  I  had  been  adoring  from  afar. 

"  When  did  yort  arrive,  Mr.  Burton  ? "  she 
asked,  "and  how  long  have  you  been  offi 
ciating  as  child's  companion?  You're  cer 
tainly  a  happy-looking  trio — so  unconven 
tional.  I  hate  to  see  children  all  dressed  up 
and  stiff  as  little  manikins,  when  they  go  out 
to  ride.  And  you  look  as  if  you  had  been 
having  such  a  good  time  with  them." 

"  I — I  assure  you,  Miss  Mayton,"  said  I, 
"  that  my  experience  has  been  the  exact  re 
verse  of  a  pleasant  one.  If  King  Herod  were 
yet  alive  I'd  volunteer  as  an  executioner,  and 
engage  to  deliver  two  interesting  corpses  at  a 
moment's  notice." 

'  You  dreadful  wretch ! "  exclaimed  the 
lady.  "  Mother,  let  me  make  you  acquainted 

2 


1 8  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

with  Mr.  Burton, — Helen  Lawrence's  broth 
er.  How  is  your  sister,  Mr.  Burton?" 

"  I  don't  know,"  I  replied ;  "  she  has  gone 
with  her  husband  on  a  fortnight's  visit  to 
Captain  and  Mrs.  Wayne,  and  I've  been  silly 
enough  to  promise  to  have  an  eye  to  the 
place  while  they're  away." 

"  Why,  how  delightful ! "  exclaimed  Miss 
Mayton.  "  Such  horses !  Such  flowers ! 
Such  a  cook ! " 

"And  such  children,"  said  I,  glaring  sug 
gestively  at  the  imps,  and  rescuing  from 
Toddie  a  handkerchief  which  he  had  ex 
tracted  from  my  pocket,  and  was  waving  to 
the  breeze. 

"Why,  they're  the  best  children  in  the 
world.  Helen  told  me  so  the  first  time  I 
met  her  this  season !  Children  will  be  chil 
dren,  you  know.  We  had  three  little  cousins 
with  us  last  summer,  and  I'm  sure  they 
made  me  look  years  older  than  I  really 
am." 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  19 

"  How  young  you  must  be,  then,  Miss 
Mayton!"  said  I.  I  suppose  I  looked  at  her 
as  if  I  meant  what  I  said,  for,  although  she 
inclined  her  head  and  said,  "  Oh,  thank  you," 
she  didn't  seem  to  turn  my  compliment  off 
in  her  usual  invulnerable  style.  Nothing 
happening  in  the  course  of  conversation  ever 
discomposed  Alice  Mayton  for  more  than  a 
hundred  seconds,  however,  so  she  soon  re 
covered  her  usual  expression  and  self-com 
mand,  as  her  next  remark  fully  indicated. 

"  I  believe  you  arranged  the  floral  decora 
tions  at  the  St.  Zephaniah's  Fair,  last  winter, 
Mr.  Burton?  'Twas  the  most  tasteful  dis 
play  of  the  season.  I  don't  wish  to  give  any 
hints,  but  at  Mrs.  Clarkson's,  where  we're 
boarding,  there's  not  a  flower  in  the  whole 
garden.  I  break  the  Tenth  Commandment 
dreadfully  every  time  I  pass  Colonel  Law 
rence's  garden.  Good-by,  Mr.  Burton." 

"Ah,  thank  you;  I  shall  be  delighted. 
Good-by." 


20  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

"  Of  course  you'll  call,"  said  Miss  Mayton, 
as  her  carriage  started, — "  it's  dreadfully  stu 
pid  here — no  men  except  on  Sundays." 

I  bowed  assent.  In  the  contemplation  of 
all  the  shy  possibilities  which  my  short  chat 
with  Miss  Mayton  had  suggested,  I  had 
quite  forgotten  my  dusty  clothing  and  the 
two  living  causes  thereof.  While  in  Miss 
Mayton 's  presence  the  imps  had  preserved 
perfect  silence,  but  now  their  tongues  were 
loosened. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "  do  you 
know  how  to  make  whistles? " 

"  Ucken  Hawwy,"  murmured  Toddie, 
"  does  you  love  dat  lady  ? " 

"  No,  Toddie,  of  course  not." 

"  Then  you's  baddy  man,  an'  de  Lord 
won't  let  you  go  to  heaven  if  you  don't  love 
peoples." 

"Yes,  Budge,"  I  answered  hastily,  "I  do 
know  how  to  make  whistles,  and  you  shall 
have  one." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  21 

"  Lord  don't  like  mans  what  don't  love 
peoples,"  reiterated  Toddie. 

"All  right,  Toddie,"  said  I.  "  I'll  see  if  I 
can't  please  the  Lord  some  way.  Driver, 
whip  up,  won't  you?  I'm  in  a  hurry  to  turn 
these  youngsters  over  to  the  girl,  and  ask  he/ 
to  drop  them  into  the  bath-tub." 

I  found  Helen  had  made  every  possible 
arrangement  for  my  comfort.  Her  room 
commanded  exquisite  views  of  mountain-slope 
and  valley,  and  even  the  fact  that  the  imps' 
bedroom  adjoined  mine  gave  me  comfort,  for 
I  thought  of  the  pleasure  of  contemplating 
them  while  they  were  asleep,  and  beyond  the 
power  of  tormenting  their  deluded  uncle. 

At  the  supper-table  Budge  and  Toddie  ap 
peared  cleanly  clothed  in  their  rightful  faces. 
Budge  seated  himself  at  the  table;  Toddie 
pushed  back  his  high-chair,  climbed  into  it, 
and  shouted : 

"  Put  my  legs  under  ze  tabo." 

Rightfully  construing  this  remark  as  a  re- 


22  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

quest  to  be  moved  to  the  table,  I  fulfilled  his 
desire.  The  girl  poured  tea  for  me  and  milk 
for  the  children,  and  retired ;  and  then  I  re 
membered,  to  my  dismay,  that  Helen  never 
had  a  servant  in  the  dining-room  except 
upon  grand  occasions,  her  idea  being  that 
servants  retail  to  their  friends  the  cream  of 
the  private  conversation  of  the  family  circle. 
In  principle  I  agreed  with  her,  but  the  penal- 
'  y  of  the  practical  application,  with  these  two 
little  cormorants  on  my  hands,  was  greater 
suffering  than  any  I  had  ever  been  called 
upon  to  endure  for  principle's  sake;  but 
there  was  no  help  for  it.  I  resignedly 
rapped  on  the  table,  bowed  my  head,  said, 
"  For  what  we  are  about  to  receive,  the 
Lord  make  us  thankful,"  and  asked  Budge 
whether  he  ate  bread  or  biscuit. 

"Why,  we  ain't  asked  no  blessin'  yet," 
said  he. 

"  Yes,  I  did,  Budge,"  said  I.  "  Didn't  you 
hear  me?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  23 

"  Do  you  mean  what  you  said  just  now? " 

"Yes." 

"  Oh,  I  don't  think  that  was  no  blessin'  at 
all.  Papa  never  says  that  kind  of  a  bless- 
in'." 

"What  does  papa  say,  may  I  ask?"  I  in 
quired,  with  becoming  meekness. 

"Why,  papa  says,  'Our  Father,  we  thank 
thee  for  this  food ;  mercifully  remember  with 
us  all  the  hungry  and  needy  to-day,  for 
Christ's  sake,  Amen.'  That's  what  he  says." 

"  It  means  the  same  thing,  Budge." 

"/don't  think  it  does;  and  Toddie  didn't 
have  no  time  to  say  his  blessin'.  I  don't 
think  the  Lord'll  like  it  if  you  do  it  that 
way." 

"Yes,  he  will,  old  boy;  he  knows  what 
people  mean." 

"Well,  how  can  he  tell  what  Toddie 
means  if  Toddie  can't  say  anything?" 

"Wantsh  to  shay  my  blessin',"  whined 
Toddie. 


24  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

It  was  enough ;  my  single  encounter  with 
Toddie  had  taught  me  to  respect  the  young 
gentleman's  force  of  character.  So  again  I 
bowed  my  head,  and  repeated  what  Budge 
had  reported  as  "papa's  blessin',"  Budge 
kindly  prompting  me  where  my  memory 
failed.  The  moment  I  began,  Toddie  com 
menced  to  jabber  rapidly  and  aloud,  and  the 
instant  the  "  Amen"  was  pronounced  he 
raised  his  head  and  remarked  with  evident 
satisfaction  :— 

"  I  shed  my  blessin'  two  timesh." 

And  Budge  said  gravely:— 
"Now  I  guess  we  are  all  right." 

The  supper  was  an  exquisite  one,  but  the 
appetites  of  those  dreadful  children  effectu 
ally  prevented  my  enjoying  the  repast.  I 
hastily  retired,  called  the  girl,  and  instructed 
her  to  see  that  the  children  had  enough  to 
eat,  and  were  put  to  bed  immediately  after ; 
then  I  lit  a  cigar  and  strolled  into  the  gar 
den.  The  roses  were  just  in  bloom,  the  air 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  25 

was  full  of  the  perfume  of  honeysuckles,  the 
rhododendrons  had  not  disappeared,  while  I 
saw  promise  of  the  early  unfolding  of  many 
other  pet  flowers  of  mine.  I  confess  that  I 
took  a  careful  survey  of  the  garden  to  see 
how  fine  a  bouquet  I  might  make  for  Miss 
Mayton,  and  was  so  abundantly  satisfied 
with  the  material  before  me  that  I  longed  to 
begin  the  work  at  once,  but  that  it  would 
seem  too  hasty  for  true  gentility.  So  I 
paced  the  paths,  my  hands  behind  my  back, 
and  my  face  well  hidden  by  fragrant  clouds 
of  smoke,  and  went  into  wondering  and  rev 
eries.  I  wondered  if  there  was  any  sense  in 
the  language  of  flowers,  of  which  I  had  occa 
sionally  seen  mention  made  by  silly  writers ; 
I  wished  I  had  learned  it  if  it  had  any  mean 
ing;  I  wondered  if  Miss  Mayton  understood 
it.  At  any  rate,  I  fancied  I  could  arrange 
flowers  to  the  taste  of  any  lady  whose  face  I 
had  ever  seen;  and  for  Alice  Mayton  I 
would  make  something  so  superb  that  her 


26  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

face  could  not  help  lighting  up  when  she  be 
held  it.  I  imagined  just  how  her  bluish-gray 
eyes  would  brighten,  her  cheeks  would  red 
den, — not  with  sentiment,  not  a  bit  of  it;  but 
with  genuine  pleasure, — how  her  strong  lips 
would  part  slightly  and  disclose  sweet  lines 
not  displayed  when  she  held  her  features  well 
in  hand.  I — I,  a  clear-headed,  driving,  suc 
cessful  salesman  of  white  goods — actually 
wished  I  might  be  divested  of  all  nineteenth- 
century  abilities  and  characteristics,  and  be 
one  of  those  fairies  that  only  silly  girls  and 
crazy  poets  think  of,  and  might,  unseen,  be 
hold  the  meeting  of  my  flowers  with  this 
highly  cultivated  specimen  of  the  only  sort  of 
flowers  our  cities  produce.  What  flower  did 
she  most  resemble?  A  lily? — no;  too — not 
exactly  too  bold,  but  too — too,  well,  I 
couldn't  think  of  the  word,  but  clearly  it 
wasn't  bold.  A  rose!  Certainly,  not  like 
those  glorious  but  blazing  remontants,  nor 
yet  like  the  shy,  delicate,  ethereal  tea-roses 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  27 

with  their  tender  suggestions  of  color.  Like 
this  perfect  Gloire  de  Dijon,  perhaps; 
strong,  vigorous,  self-asserting,  among  its 
more  delicate  sisterhood ;  yet  shapely,  perfect 
in  outline  and  development,  exquisite,  en 
chanting  in  its  never  fully-analyzed  tints,  yet 
compelling  the  admiration  of  every  one,  and 
recalling  its  admirers  again  and  again  by  the 
unspoken  appeal  of  its  own  perfection — its 
unvarying  radiance. 

"  Ah  —  h —  h —  h — ee — ee — ee — ee — ee — oo 
— oo — oo — oo"  came  from  the  window  over 
my  head.  Then  came  a  shout  of—  "  Uncle 
Harry ! "  in  a  voice  I  recognized  as  that  of 
Budge.  I  made  no  reply:  there  are  mo 
ments  when  the  soul  is  full  of  utterances 
unfit  to  be  heard  by  childish  ears.  "  Uncle 
Har-ray  /"  repeated  Budge.  Then  I  heard  a 
window-blind  open,  and  Budge  exclaiming: — 

"  Uncle  Harry,  we  want  you  to  come  and 
tell  us  stories." 

I  turned  my  eyes  upward  quickly,  and  was 


28  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

about  to  send  a  savage  negative  in  the  same 
direction,  when  I  saw  in  the  window  a  face 
unknown  and  yet  remembered.  Could  those 
great,  wistful  eyes,  that  angelic  mouth,  that 
spiritual  expression,  belong  to  my  nephew 
Budge  ?  Yes,  it  must  be— certainly  that  su 
per-celestial  nose  and  those  enormous  ears 
never  belonged  to  any  one  else.  I  turned 
abruptly,  and  entered  the  house,  and  was 
received  at  the  head  of  the  stairway  by  two 
little  figures  in  white,  the  larger  of  which 
remarked  :— 

"  We  want  you  tell  us  stories — papa  always 
does  nights." 

"  Very  well,  jump  into  bed — what  kind  of 
stories  do  you  like?" 

"  Oh,  'bout  Jonah,"  said  Budge. 

"  'Bout  Jonah,"  echoed  Toddie. 

"  Well,  Jonah  was  out  in  the  sun  one  day, 
and  a  gourd-vine  grew  up  all  of  a  sudden, 
and  made  it  nice  and  shady  for  him,  and 
then  it  all  faded  as  quick  as  it  came." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  29 

A  dead  silence  prevailed  for  a  moment, 
and  then  Budge  indignantly  remarked: — 

'  That  ain't  Jonah  a  bit — /  know  'bout 
Jonah." 

"Oh,  you  do,  do  you?"  said  I.  "Then 
maybe  you'll  be  so  good  as  to  enlighten 
me?" 

"Huh?" 

"  If  you  know  about  Jonah,  tell  me  the 
story;  I'd  really  enjoy  listening  to  it." 

"  Well,"  said  Budge,  "  once  upon  a  time 
the  Lord  told  Jonah  to  go  to  Nineveh  and 
tell  the  people  they  was  all  bad.  But  Jonah 
didn't  want  to  go,  so  he  went  on  a  boat  that 
was  going  to  Joppa.  And  then  there  was 
a  big  storm,  an'  it  rained  an'  blovved  and  the 
big  waves  went  as  high  as  a  house.  An'  the 
sailors  thought  there  must  be  somebody  on 
the  boat  that  the  Lord  didn't  like.  An'  Jo 
nah  said  he  guessed  Jte  was  the  man.  So 
they  picked  him  up  and  froed  him  in  the 
ocean,  an'  I  don't  think  it  was  well  for  'em  to 


3o  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

do  that  after  Jonah  told  the  troof.  An'  a  big 
whale  was  comin'  along,  and  he  was  awful 
hungry,  cos  the  little  fishes  what  he  likes  to 
eat  all  went  down  to  the  bottom  of  the  ocean 
when  it  began  to  storm,  and  whales  can't  go 
to  the  bottom  of  the  ocean,  cos  they  have  to 
come  up  to  breeve,  an'  little  fishes  don't. 
An'  Jonah  found  'twas  all  dark  inside  the 
whale,  and  there  wasn't  any  fire  there,  an'  it 
was  all  wet,  and  he  couldn't  take  off  his 
clothes  to  dry,  cos  there  wasn't  no  place  to 
hang  'em,  an'  there  wasn't  no  windows  to 
look  out  of,  nor  nothin'  to  eat,  nor  nothin' 
nor  nothin'  nor  nothin'.  So  he  asked  the 
Lord  to  let  him  out,  an'  the  Lord  was  sorry 
for  him,  an'  he  made  the  whale  go  up  close 
to  the  land,  an'  Jonah  jumped  right  out  of 
his  mouth,  an'  wasn't^  glad?  An'  then  he 
went  to  Nineveh,  an'  done  what  the  Lord 
told  him  to,  and  he  ought  to  have  done  it  in 
the  first  place  if  he  had  known  what  was 
good  for  him." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  31 

"  Done  first  payshe,  know  what's  dood  for 
him,"  asserted  Toddie,  in  support  of  his 
brother's  assertion.  "  Tell  us  'nudder  story." 

"  Oh,  no,  sing  us  a  song,"  suggested 
Budge. 

"  Shing  us  shong,"  echoed  Toddie. 

I  searched  my  mind  for  a  song,  but  the 
only  one  which  came  promptly  was  "  M'Ap- 
pari,"  several  bars  of  which  I  gave  my  juven 
ile  audience,  when  Budge  interrupted  me, 
saying: — 

"  I  don't  think  that's  a  very  good  song." 

"Why  not,  Budge?" 

"  Cos  I  don't.  I  don't  know  a  word  what 
you're  talking  'bout." 

"Shing  'bout 'Glory,  glory,  hallelulyah,' " 
suggested  Toddie,  and  I  meekly  obeyed. 
The  old  air  has  a  wonderful  influence  over 
me.  I  heard  it  in  western  camp-meetings 
and  negro-cabins  when  I  was  a  boy;  I  saw 
the  22d  Massachusetts  march  down  Broad 
way,  singing  the  same  air  during  the  rush  to 


32  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

the  front  during  the  early  days  of  the  war ;  I 
have  heard  it  sung  by  warrior  tongues  in 
nearly  every  Southern  State;  I  heard  it 
roared  by  three  hundred  good  old  Hunker 
Democrats  as  they  escorted  New  York's  first 
colored  regiment  to  their  place  of  embarka 
tion  ;  my  old  brigade  sang  it  softly,  but  with 
a  swing  that  was  terrible  in  its  earnestness, 
as  they  lay  behind  their  stacks  of  arms  just 
before  going  to  action;  I  have  heard  it 
played  over  the  grave  of  many  a  dead  com 
rade;  the  semi-mutinous — th  cavalry  be 
came  peaceful  and  patriotic  again  as  their 
band-master  played  the  old  air  after  having 
asked  permission  to  try  his  hand  on  them ;  it 
is  the  same  that  burst  forth  spontaneously  in 
our  barracks,  on  that  glorious  morning  when 
we  learned  that  the  war  was  over,  and  it  was 
sung,  with  words  adapted  to  the  occasion,  by 
some  good  rebel  friends  of  mine,  on  our  first 
social  meeting  after  the  war.  All  these  rec 
ollections  came  hurrying  into  my  mind  as 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  33 

I  sang,  and  probably  excited  me  beyond 
my  knowledge,  for  Budge  suddenly  re 
marked  : — 

"Don't  sing  that  all  day,  Uncle  Harry; 
you  sing  so  loud,  it  hurts  my  head." 

"  Beg  your  pardon,  Budge,"  said  I. 
"  Good-night." 

"Why,  Uncle  Harry,  are  you  going? 
You  didn't  hear  us  say  our  prayers, — papa 
always  does." 

"Oh!     Well,  go  ahead." 

"  You  must  say  yours  first,"  said  Budge ; 
"  that's  the  way  papa  does." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  and  I  repeated  St. 
Chrysostom's  prayer,  from  the  Episcopal  ser 
vice.  I  had  hardly  said  "  Amen,"  when 
Budge  remarked: — 

"  My  papa  don't  say  any  of  them  things  at 
all;  I  don't  think  that's  a  very  good  prayer." 

"  Well,  you  say  a  good  prayer,  Budge." 

"All  right."  Budge  shut  his  eyes, 
dropped  his  voice  to  the  most  perfect 


34  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

tone  of  supplication,  while  his  face  seemed 
fit  for  a  sleeping  angel,  then  he  said  :— 

"  Dear  Lord,  we  thank  you  for  lettin'  us 
have  a  good  time  to-day,  an'  we  hope  all  the 
little  boys  everywhere  have  had  good  times 
too.  We  pray  you  to  take  care  of  us  an' 
everybody  else  to-night,  an'  don't  let  'em 
have  any  trouble.  Oh,  yes,  an'  Uncle  Har 
ry's  got  some  candy  in  his  trunk,  cos  he  said 
so  in  the  carriage, — we  thank  you  for  lettin' 
Uncle  Harry  come  to  see  us,  an'  we  hope 
he's  got  lots  of  candy — lots  an'  piles.  An' 
we  pray  you  to  take  good  care  of  all  the  poor 
little  boys  and  girls  that  haven't  got  any 
papas  an'  mammas  an'  Uncle  Harrys  an' 
candy  an'  beds  to  sleep  in.  An'  take  us  all 
to  Heaven  when  we  die,  for  Christ's  sake. 
Amen.  Now  give  us  the  candy,  Uncle 
Harry." 

"Hush,  Budge;  don't  Toddie  say  any 
prayers?" 

"Oh  yes;  go  on,  Tod." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  35 

Toddie  closed  his  eyes,  wriggled,  twisted, 
breathed  hard  and  quick,  acting  generally  as 
if  prayers  were  principally  a  matter  of  physi 
cal  exertion.  At  last  he  began : — 

"  Dee  Lord,  not  make  me  sho  bad,  an' 
besh  mamma,  an'  papa,  an'  Budgie,  and  dop- 
pity,*  an'  both  boggies,t  an'  all  good  people 
in  dish  house,  and  everybody  else,  an'  my 
dolly.  A — a — amen ! " 

"  Now  give  us  the  candy,"  said  Budge, 
with  the  usual  echo  from  Toddie. 

I  hastily  extracted  the  candy  from  my 
trunk,  gave  some  to  each  boy,  the  recipients 
fairly  shrieking  with  delight,  and  once  more 
said  good-night. 

"  Oh,  you  didn't  give  us  any  pennies,"  said 
Budge.  "  Papa  gives  us  some  to  put  in  our 
banks,  every  nights." 

"  Well,  I  haven't  got  any  now — wait  until 
to-morrow." 

*  Grandfather, 
t  Grandmothers. 


36  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

;<  Then  we  want  drinks." 
"  I'll  let  Maggie  bring  you  drink." 
"  Want  my  dolly,"  murmured  Toddie. 
I  found  the  knotted  towels,  took  the  dirty 
things  up  gingerly  and  threw  them  upon  the 
bed. 

"  Now  want  to  shee  wheels  go  wound," 
said  Toddie. 

I  hurried  out  of  the  room  and  slammed  the 
door.  I  looked  at  my  watch — it  was  half- 
past  eight;  I  had  spent  an  hour  and  a  half 
with  those  dreadful  children.  They  were 
funny  to  be  sure — I  found  myself  laughing  in 
spite  of  my  indignation.  Still,  if  they  were 
to  monopolize  my  time  as  they  had  already 
done,  when  was  I  to  do  my  reading?  Tak 
ing  Fiske's  "Cosmic  Philosophy"  from  my 
trunk  I  descended  to  the  back  parlor,  lit  a 
cigar  and  a  student-lamp,  and  began  to  read. 
I  had  not  fairly  commenced  when  I  heard 
a  patter  of  small  feet,  and  saw  my  elder 
nephew  before  me.  There  was  sorrowful 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  37 

protestation  in  every  line  of  his  countenance, 
as  he  exclaimed : — 

"  You  didn't  say  '  Good-by '  nor  '  God  bless 
you'  nor  anything." 

"  Oh— good-by." 

"  Good-by." 

"God  bless  you." 

"  God  bless  you." 

Budge  seemed  waiting  for  something  else. 
At  last  he  said : — 

"  Papa  says,  '  God  bless  everybody.' " 

"  Well,  God  bless  everybody." 

"  God  bless  everybody,"  responded  Budge, 
and  turned  silently  and  went  up-stairs. 

"  Bless  your  tormenting  honest  little 
heart,"  I  said  to  myself;  "if  men  trusted 
God  as  you  do  your  papa,  how  little  business 
there 'd  be  for  preachers  to  do." 

The  night  was  a  perfect  one.  The  pure, 
fresh  air,  the  perfume  of  the  flowers,  the  mu 
sic  of  the  insect  choir  in  the  trees  and  shrub 
bery — the  very  season  itself  seemed  to  forbid 


38  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

my  reading  philosophy,  so  I  laid  Fiske  aside, 
delighted  myself  with  a  few  rare  bits  from 
Paul  Hayne's  new  volume  of  poems,  read  a 
few  chapters  of  "  One  Summer,"  and  finally 
sauntered  off  to  bed.  My  nephews  were 
slumbering  sweetly;  it  seemed  impossible 
that  the  pure,  exquisite,  angelic  faces  before 
me  belonged  to  my  tormentors  of  a  few 
hours  before.  As  I  lay  on  my  couch  I  could 
see  the  dark  shadow  and  rugged  crest  of  the 
mountain;  above  it,  the  silver  stars  against 
the  blue,  and  below  it  the  rival  lights  of  the 
fireflies  against  the  dark  background  formed 
by  the  mountain  itself.  No  rumbling  of 
wheels  tormented  me,  nor  any  of  the  thou 
sand  noises  that  fill  city  air  with  the  spirit  of 
unrest,  and  I  fell  into  a  wonder  almost  indig 
nant  that  sensible,  comfort-loving  beings 
could  live  in  horrible  New  York,  while  such 
delightful  rural  homes  were  so  near  at  hand. 
Then  Alice  Mayton  came  into  my  mind,  and 
then  a  customer;  later,  stars  and  trademarks, 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  39 

and  bouquets,  and  dirty  nephews,  and  fire 
flies  and  bad  accounts,  and  railway  tickets, 
and  candy  and  Herbert  Spencer,  mixed 
themselves  confusingly  in  my  mind.  Then  a 
vision  of  a  proud  angel,  in  the  most  fashiona 
ble  attire  and  a  modern  carriage,  came  and 
banished  them  all  by  its  perfect  radiance,  and 
I  was  sinking  in  the  most  blissful  uncon 
sciousness — 

"  Ah —  h — h — h — h — h — oo — oo — oo — oo — 


ee — ee — ee 

"Sh-h— h!"  I  hissed. 

The  warning  was  heeded,  and  I  soon  re 
lapsed  into  oblivion. 

"  Ah —  h —  h —  h — oo — oo — ee — ee — ee —  EE 
— ee." 

'  Toddie,  do  you  want  uncle  to  whip  you? " 

"  No." 

"  Then  lie  still." 

"Well,  Ize  lost  my  dolly,  an'  I  tant  find 
her  anywhere." 

"  Well,  I'll  find  her  for  you  in  the  morning." 


40  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Oo — oo — ee — I  wants  my  dolly." 

"Well,  I  tell  you  I'll  find  her  for  you  in 
the  morning." 

"  I  want  her  now — oo — oo— 

"  You  can't  have  her  now,  so  you  can  go  to 
sleep." 

"  Oh — oo — oo — oo — ee " 

Springing  madly  to  my  feet,  I  started  for 
the  offender's  room.  I  encountered  a  door 
ajar  by  the  way,  my  forehead  being  first  to 
discover  it.  I  ground  my  teeth,  lit  a  candle, 
and  said  something — no  matter  what. 

"Oh,  you  said  a  bad  swear!"  ejaculated 
Toddie.  "You  won't  go  to  heaven  when 
you  die." 

"  Neither  will  you,  if  you  howl  like  a  little 
demon  all  night.  Are  you  going  to  be  quiet, 
now?" 

"  Yesh,  but  I  wants  my  dolly." 

"/  don't  know  where  your  dolly  is — do 
you  suppose  I'm  going  to  search  this  entire 
house  for  that  confounded  dolly? " 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  41 

'  'Tain't  'founded.     I  wants  my  dolly." 
"  I  don't  know  where  it  is;  you  don't  think 
I  stole  your  dolly,  do  you?" 
"  Well,  I  wants  it,  in  de  bed  wif  me." 
"Charles,"  said  I,  "when  you  arise  in  the 
morning,  I  hope  your  doll  will  be  found.    At 
present,  however,  you  must  be  resigned  and 
go  to  sleep.     I'll  cover  you  up  nicely;"  here 
I  began  to  rearrange  the  bed-clothing,  when 
the  fateful  dolly,  source  of  all  my  woes,  tum 
bled  out  of  them.    Toddie  clutched  it,  his 
whole  face  lighting  up  with  affectionate  de 
light,  and  he  screamed  :— 

"Oh,  dare  is  my  dee  dolly:  turn  to  your 
own  papa,  dolly,  an'  I'll  love  you." 

And  that  ridiculous  child  was  so  com 
pletely  satisfied  by  his  outlay  of  affection, 
that  my  own  indignation  gave  place  to  genu 
ine  artistic  pleasure.  One  can  tire  of  even 
beautiful  pictures,  though,  when  he  is  not 
fully  awake,  and  is  holding  a  candle  in  a 
draught  of  air;  so  I  covered  my  nephews  and 


42  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

returned  to  my  own  room,  where  I  mused 
upon  the  contradictoriness  of  childhood  until 
I  fell  asleep. 

In  the  morning  I  was  awakened  very  early 
by  the  light  streaming  in  the  window,  the 
blinds  of  which  I  had  left  open  the  night  be 
fore.  The  air  was  alive  with  bird-songs,  and 
the  eastern  sky  was  flushing  with  tints  which 
no  painter's  canvas  ever  caught.  But  ante- 
sunrise  skies  and  songs  are  not  fit  subjects 
for  the  continued  contemplation  of  men  who 
read  until  midnight ;  so  I  hastily  closed  the 
blinds,  drew  the  shade,  dropped  the  curtains 
and  lay  down  again,  dreamily  thanking 
Heaven  that  I  was  to  fall  asleep  to  such  ex 
quisite  music.  I  am  sure  that  I  mentally  for 
gave  all  my  enemies  as  I  dropped  off  into  a 
most  delicious  doze,  but  the  sudden  realiza 
tion  that  a  light  hand  was  passing  over  my 
cheek  roused  me  to  savage  anger  in  an  in 
stant.  I  sprang  up,  and  saw  Budge  shrink 
timidly  away  from  my  bedside. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  43 

"  I  was  only  a-lovin'  you,  cos  you  was 
good,  and  brought  us  candy.  Papa  lets  us 
love  him  whenever  we  want  to— every  morn 
ing  he  does." 

"As  early  as  this?"  demanded  I. 

"Yes,  just  as  soon  as  we  can  see,  if  we 
want  to." 

Poor  Tom!  I  never  could  comprehend 
why  with  a  good  wife,  a  comfortable  income, 
and  a  clear  conscience,  he  need  always  look 
thin  and  worn — worse  than  he  ever  did  in 
Virginia  woods  or  Louisiana  swamps.  But 
now  I  knew  all.  And  yet,  what  could  one 
do?  That  child's  eyes  and  voice,  and  his 
expression,  which  exceeded  in  sweetness  that 
of  any  of  the  angels  I  had  ever  imagined, — 
that  child  could  coax  a  man  to  do  more  self- 
forgetting  deeds  than  the  shortening  of  his 
precious  sleeping-hours  amounted  to.  In 
fact,  he  was  fast  divesting  me  of  my  rightful 
sleepiness,  so  I  kissed  him  and  said : — 

"  Run  to  bed,  now,  dear  old  fellow,  and  let 


44  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

uncle  go  to  sleep  again.  After  breakfast,  I'll 
make  you  a  whistle." 

"  Oh,  will  you? "  The  angel  turned  into  a 
boy  at  once. 

"  Yes ;  now  run  along." 

"  A  loud  whistle — a  real  loud  one  ? " 

"  Yes,  but  not  if  you  don't  go  right  back  to 
bed." 

The  sound  of  little  footsteps  receded  as  I 
turned  over  and  closed  my  eyes.  Speedily 
the  bird-song  seemed  to  grow  fainter;  my 
thoughts  dropped  to  pieces ;  I  seemed  to  be 
floating  on  fleecy  clouds,  in  company  with 
hundreds  of  cherubs  with  Budge's  features 
and  night-drawers— 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

May  the  Lord  forget  the  prayer  I  put  up 
just  then! 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

"  I'll  discipline  you,  my  fine  little  boy," 
thought  I.  "  Perhaps,  if  I  let  you  shriek 
your  abominable  little  throat  hoarse,  you'll 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  45 

learn  better  than  to  torment  your  uncle,  that 
was  just  getting  ready  to  love  you  dearly." 

"  Uncle  Har — ray  !  " 

"  Howl  away,  you  little  imp,"  thought  I. 
"You've  got  me  wide  awake,  and  your 
lungs  may  suffer  for  it."  Suddenly  I  heard, 
although  in  sleepy  tones,  and  with  a  lazy 
drawl,  some  words  which  appalled  me.  The 
murmurer  was  Toddie  :— 

"  Want — she — wheels — go — wound." 

"  Budge ! "  I  shouted,  in  the  desperation  of 
my  dread  lest  Toddie,  too,  might  wake  up, 
"  what  do  you  want  ? " 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

"WHAT!" 

"  Uncle  Harry,  what  kind  of  wood  are  you 
going  to  make  the  whistle  out  of? " 

"  I  won't  make  any  at  all — I'll  cut  a  big 
stick  and  give  you  a  sound  whipping  with  it, 
for  not  keeping  quiet,  as  I  told  you  to." 

"Why,  Uncle  Harry,  papa  don't  whip  us 
with  sticks — he  spanks  us." 


46  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Heavens!  Papa!  papa!  papa!  Was  I 
never  to  have  done  with  this  eternal  quota 
tion  of  "  papa  "  ?  I  was  horrified  to  find  my 
self  gradually  conceiving  a  dire  hatred  of  my 
excellent  brother-in-law.  One  thing  was  cer 
tain,  at  any  rate :  sleep  was  no  longer  possi 
ble;  so  I  hastily  dressed,  and  went  into  the 
garden.  Among  the  beauty  and  the  frag 
rance  of  the  flowers,  and  in  the  delicious 
morning  air,  I  succeeded  in  regaining  my 
temper,  and  was  delighted,  on  answering  the 
breakfast-bell,  two  hours  later,  to  have  Budge 
accost  me  with  :— 

"Why,  Uncle  Harry,  where  was  you? 
We  looked  all  over  the  house  for  you,  and 
couldn't  find  a  speck  of  you." 

The  breakfast  was  an  excellent  one.  I 
afterward  learned  that  Helen,  dear  old  girl, 
had  herself  prepared  a  bill  of  fare  for  every 
meal  I  should  take  in  the  house.  As  the 
table  talk  of  myself  and  nephews  was  not 
such  as  could  do  harm  by  being  repeated,  I 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  47 

requested  Maggie,  the  servant,  to  wait  upon 
the  children,  and  I  accompanied  my  request 
with  a  small  treasury  note.  Relieved,  thus, 
of  all  responsibility  for  the  dreadful  appetites 
of  my  nephews,  I  did  full  justice  to  the  re 
past,  and  even  regarded  with  some  interest 
and  amusement  the  industry  of  Budge  and 
Toddie  with  their  tiny  forks  and  spoons. 
They  ate  rapidly  for  a  while,  but  soon  their 
appetites  weakened  and  their  tongues  were 
unloosed. 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,"  remarked  Toddie, 
"  daysh  an  awfoo  funny  chunt  up  'tairs— 
awfoo  big  chunt.  I  show  it  you  after  breps- 
pup." 

'  Toddie's  a  silly  little  boy,"  said  Budge ; 
"  he  always  says  brepspup  for  brekbux." 

"  Oh !  What  does  he  mean  by  chunt, 
Budge?" 

"  I  guess  he  means  trunk,"  replied  my  old 
est  nephew. 

*  Breakfast. 


48  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Recollections  of  my  childish  delight  in 
rummaging  an  old  trunk — it  seems  a  century 
ago  that  I  did  it — caused  me  to  smile  sym 
pathetically  at  Toddie,  to  his  apparent  great 
delight.  How  delightful  it  is  to  strike  a 
sympathetic  chord  in  child-nature,  thought 
I;  how  quickly  the  infant  eye  comprehends 
the  look  which  precedes  the  verbal  expres 
sion  of  an  idea !  Dear  Toddie !  for  years  we 
might  sit  at  one  table,  careless  of  each  oth 
er's  words,  but  the  casual  mention  of  one 
of  thy  delights  has  suddenly  brought  our 
souls  into  that  sweetest  of  all  human  com 
munions — that  one  which  doubtless  bound 
the  Master  himself  to  that  apostle  who  was 
otherwise  apparently  the  weakest  among  the 
chosen  twelve.  "An  awfoo  funny  chunt" 
seemed  to  annihilate  suddenly  all  differences 
of  age,  condition  and  experience  between  the 
wee  boy  and  myself,  and — 

A  direful  thought  struck  me.  I  dashed 
up-stairs  and  into  my  room.  Yes,  he  did 


CONTRARY^ 


PUNNY  ABOUT  'T- 


TH1 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  49 

mean  my  trunk.  /  could  see  nothing  funny 
about  it — quite  the  contrary.  The  bond  of 
sympathy  between  my  nephew  and  myself 
was  suddenly  broken.  Looking  at  the  mat 
ter  from  the  comparative  distance  which  a 
few  weeks  have  placed  between  that  day  and 
this,  I  can  see  that  I  was  unable  to  consider 
the  scene  before  me  with  a  calm  and  unpre 
judiced  mind.  I  am  now  satisfied  that  the 
sudden  birth  and  hasty  decease  of  my  sympa 
thy  with  Toddie  were  striking  instances  of 
human  inconsistency.  My  soul  had  gone 
out  to  his  because  he  loved  to  rummage  in 
trunks,  and  because  I  imagined  he  loved  to 
see  the  monument  of  incongruous  material 
which  resulted  from  such  an  operation ;  the 
scene  before  me  showed  clearly  that  I  had 
rightly  divined  my  nephew's  nature.  And 
yet  my  selfish  instincts  hastened  to  obscure 
my  soul's  vision,  and  to  prevent  that  joy 
which  should  ensue  when  "  Faith  is  lost  in 

full  fruition." 
4 


50  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

My  trunk  had  contained  nearly  every 
thing,  for  while  a  campaigner  I  had  learned 
to  reduce  packing  to  an  exact  science.  Now, 
had  there  been  an  atom  of  pride  in  my  com 
position  I  might  have  glorified  myself,  for  it 
certainly  seemed  as  if  the  heap  upon  the 
floor  could  never  have  come  out  of  a  single 
trunk.  Clearly,  Toddie  was  more  of  a  gen 
eral  connoisseur  than  an  amateur  in  packing. 
The  method  of  his  work  I  quickly  discerned, 
and  the  discovery  threw  some  light  upon  the 
size  of  the  heap  in  front  of  my  trunk.  A 
dress-hat  and  its  case,  when  their  natural  re 
lationship  is  dissolved,  occupy  nearly  twice 
as  much  space  as  before,  even  if  the  former 
contains  a  blacking-box  not  usually  kept  in 
it,  and  the  latter  contains  a  few  cigars  soak 
ing  in  bay  rum.  The  same  might  be  said  of 
a  portable  dressing-case  and  its  contents, 
bought  for  me  in  Vienna  by  a  brother  ex- 
soldier,  and  designed  by  an  old  continental 
campaigner  to  be  perfection  itself.  The 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  51 

straps  which  prevented  the  cover  from  falling 
entirely  back  had  been  cut,  broken  or  parted 
in  some  way,  and  in  its  hollow  lay  my  dress- 
coat,  tightly  rolled  up.  Snatching  it  up  with 
a  violent  exclamation,  and  unrolling  it,  there 
dropped  from  it — one  of  those  infernal  dolls. 
At  the  same  time  a  howl  was  sounded  from 
the  doorway. 

"  You  tookted  my  dolly  out  of  her  cradle— 
I  want  to  wock  my  dolly — oo — oo — oo — ee— 
ee — ee " 

"  You  young  scoundrel,"  I  screamed — yes, 
howled,  I  was  so  enraged — "  I've  a  great 
mind  to  cut  your  throat  this  minute.  What 
do  you  mean  by  meddling  with  my  trunk?" 

"  I — doe — know."  Outward  turned  Tod- 
die's  lower  lip ;  I  believe  the  sight  of  it  would 
move  a  Bengal  tiger  to  pity,  but  no  such 
thought  occurred  to  me  just  then. 

"  What  made  you  do  it?  " 

"  Be — cause." 

"Because  what?" 


52  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  I — doe — know." 

Just  then  a  terrific  roar  arose  from  the  gar 
den.  Looking  out,  I  saw  Budge  with  a 
bleeding  finger  upon  one  hand,  and  my  razor 
in  the  other;  he  afterward  explained  he  had 
been  making  a  boat,  and  that  knife  was  bad 
to  him.  To  apply  adhesive  plaster  to  the  cut 
was  the  work  of  but  a  minute,  and  I  had 
barely  completed  this  surgical  operation 
when  Tom's  gardener-coachman  appeared 
and  handed  me  a  letter.  It  was  addressed  in 
Helen's  well-known  hand,  and  read  as  fol 
lows  (the  passages  in  brackets  were  my  own 
comments) : — 

"  BLOOMDALE,  June  21,  1875. 
"DEAR  HARRY: — I'm  very  happy  in  the 
thought  that  you  are  with  my  darling  chil 
dren,  and,  although  I'm  having  a  lovely  time 
here,  I  often  wish  I  was  with  you.  [Ump— 
so  do  I.]  I  want  you  to  know  the  little 
treasures  real  well.  [Thank  you,  but  I  don't 
think  I  care  to  extend  the  acquaintanceship 
farther  than  is  absolutely  necessary.]  It 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  53 

seems  to  me  so  unnatural  that  relatives 
know  so  little  of  those  of  their  own  blood, 
and  especially  of  the  innocent  little  spirits 
whose  existence  is  almost  unheeded.  [Not 
when  there's  unlocked  trunks  standing 
about,  sis.J 

"  Now  I  want  to  ask  a  favor  of  you. 
When  we  were  boys  and  girls  at  home,  you 
used  to  talk  perfect  oceans  about  physiogno 
my,  and  phrenology,  and  unerring  signs  of 
character.  I  thought  it  was  all  nonsense 
then,  but  if  you  believe  any  of  it  now,  I  wish 
you'd  study  the  children,  and  give  me  your 
well-considered  opinion  of  them.  [Perfect 
demons,  ma'am ;  imps,  rascals,  born  to  be 
hung — both  of  them.] 

"  I  can't  get  over  the  feeling  that  dear 
Budge  is  born  for  something  grand.  [Grand 
nuisance.]  He  is  sometimes  so  thoughtful 
and  so  absorbed,  that  I  almost  fear  the  result 
of  disturbing  him ;  then,  he  has  that  faculty 
of  perseverance  which  seems  to  be  the  only 
thing  some  men  have  lacked  to  make  them 
great.  [He  certainly  has  it;  he  exemplified 
it  while  I  was  trying  to  get  to  sleep  this 
morning.] 


54  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Toddle  is  going  to  make  a  poet  or  a  mu 
sician  or  an  artist.  [That's  so ;  all  abomina 
ble  scamps  take  to  some  artistic  pursuit  as  an 
excuse  for  loafing.]  His  fancies  take  hold  of 
him  very  strongly.  [They  do — they  do; 
"shee  wheels  go  wound,"  for  instance.]  He 
has  not  Budgie's  sublime  earnestness,  but  he 
doesn't  need  it;  the  irresistible  force  with 
which  he  is  drawn  toward  whatever  is  beauti 
ful  compensates  for  the  lack.  [Ah — perhaps 
that  explains  his  operation  with  my  trunk.] 
But  I  want  your  own  opinion,  for  I  know 
you  make  more  careful  distinction  in  charac 
ter  than  I  do. 

"  Delighting  myself  with  the  idea  that  I 
deserve  most  of  the  credit  for  the  lots  of  read 
ing  you  will  have  done  by  this  time,  and 
hoping  I  shall  soon  have  a  line  telling  me 
how  my  darlings  are,  I  am  as  ever, 
"  Your  loving  sister, 

"  HELEN." 

Seldom  have  I  been  so  roused  by  a  letter 
as  I  was  by  this  one,  and  never  did  I  promise 
myself  more  genuine  pleasure  in  writing  a 
reply.  I  determined  that  it  should  be  a  mas- 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  55 

terpiece  of  analysis  and  of  calm  yet  forcible 
expression  of  opinion. 

Upon  one  step,  at  any  rate,  I  was  posi 
tively  determined.  Calling  the  girl,  I  asked 
her  where  the  key  was  that  locked  the  door 
between  my  room  and  the  children. 

"  Please,  sir,  Toddie  threw  it  down  the 
well." 

"  Is  there  a  locksmith  in  the  village  ?  " 

"  No,  sir;  the  nearest  one  is  at  Paterson." 

"  Is  there  a  screw-driver  in  the  house?" 

"Yes,  sir." 

"  Bring  it  to  me,  and  tell  the  coachman  to 
get  ready  at  once  to  drive  me  to  Paterson." 

The  screw-driver  was  brought,  and  with  it 
I  removed  the  lock,  got  into  the  carriage, 
and  told  the  driver  to  take  me  to  Paterson  by 
the  hill-road — one  of  the  most  beautiful  roads 
in  America. 

"Paterson!"  exclaimed  Budge.  "Oh, 
there's  a  candy-store  in  that  town;  come 
on,  Toddie." 


56  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Will  you?"  thought  I,  snatching  the 
whip  and  giving  the  horses  a  cut.  "  Not  if  / 
can  help  it.  The  idea  of  having  such  a  drive 
spoiled  by  the  clatter  of  such  a  couple !  " 

Away  went  the  horses,  and  up  rose  a  pierc 
ing  shriek  and  a  terrible  roar.  It  seemed 
that  both  children  must  have  been  mortally 
hurt,  and  I  looked  out  hastily,  only  to  see 
Budge  and  Toddie  running  after  the  car 
riage,  and  crying  pitifully.  It  was  too  piti 
ful, — I  could  not  have  proceeded  without 
them,  even  if  they  had  been  afflicted  with 
small-pox.  The  driver  stopped  of  his  own 
accord, — he  seemed  to  know  the  children's 
ways  and  their  results, — and  I  helped  Budge 
and  Toddie  in,  meekly  hoping  that  the  eye 
of  Providence  was  upon  me,  and  that  so  self- 
sacrificing  an  act  would  be  duly  passed  to 
my  credit.  As  we  reached  the  hill-road,  my 
kindness  to  my  nephews  seemed  to  assume 
greater  proportions,  for  the  view  before  me 
was  inexpressibly  beautiful.  The  air  was 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  57 

perfectly  clear,  and  across  two  score  towns  I 
saw  the  great  metropolis  itself,  the  silent  city 
of  Greenwood  beyond  it,  the  bay,  the  nar 
rows,  the  sound,  the  two  silvery  rivers  lying 
between  me  and  the  Palisades,  and  even, 
across  and  to  the  south  of  Brooklyn,  the 
ocean  itself.  Wonderful  effects  of  light  and 
shadow,  picturesque  masses,  composed  of  de 
tached  buildings  so  far  distant  that  they 
seemed  huddled  together;  grim  factories 
turned  to  beautiful  palaces  by  the  dazzling 
reflection  of  sunlight  from  their  window- 
panes;  great  ships  seeming  in  the  distance  to 

» 

be  toy-boats  floating  idly; — with  no  sign  of 
life  perceptible,  the  whole  scene  recalled  the 
fairy  stories,  read  in  my  youthful  days,  of  en 
chanted  cities,  and  the  illusion  was  greatly 
strengthened  by  the  dragon-like  shape  of  the 
roof  of  New  York's  new  post-office,  lying  in 
the  center  of  everything,  and  seeming  to 
brood  over  all. 
"Uncle  Harry  1" 


58  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Ah,  that  was  what  I  expected ! 

"Uncle  Harry!" 

"Well,  Budge?" 

"  I  always  think  that  looks  like  heaven." 

"What  does?" 

"Why,  all  that, — from  here  over  to  that 
other  sky  way  back  there  behind  everything, 
I  mean.  And  I  think  tJiat  (here  he  pointed 
toward  what  probably  was  a  photographer's 
roof-light) — that  place  where  it's  so  shiny,  is 
where  God  stays." 

Bless  the  child !  The  scene  had  suggested 
only  elfindom  to  me,  and  yet  I  prided  myself 
on  my  quick  sense  of  artistic  effects. 

"An*  over  there  where  that  awful  bright 
little  speck  is,"  continued  Budge,  "  that's 
where  dear  little  brother  Phillie  is ;  whenever 
I  look  over  there,  I  see  him  putting  his  hand 
out." 

"  Dee  'ittle  Phillie  went  to  s'eep  in  a  box, 
and  the  Lord  took  him  to  heaven,"  mur 
mured  Toddie,  putting  together  all  he  had 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  59 

seen  and  heard  of  death.  Then  he  raised  his 
voice,  and  exclaimed : — 

"Ocken  Hawwy,  you  know  what  IzTie 
goin'  do  when  I  he's  big  man?  IzTie  gx>in' 
to  have  hosses  and  tarridge,  an*  Iz'he  goin' 
to  wide  over  all  ze  chees  an'  all  ze  houses, 
an'  all  ze  world  an'  ewyfing.  An'  whole  lots 
of  little  birdies  is  comin'  in  my  tarridge  an' 
sing  songs  to  me,  an*  you  can  come  too  if 
you  want  to,  an'  we'll  have  «i*-cream  an' 
'trawberries,  an'  see  'ittle  fishes  swimmin' 
down  in  ze  water,  an'  we'll  get  a  g'eat  big 
house  that's  all  p'itty  on  the  outshide  an'  all 
p'itty  on  the  inshide,  and  it'll  all  be  ours  and 
we'll  do  just  ewyrmg  we  want  to." 

'  Toddy,  you're  an  idealist." 

".•*//;'/ a  'dealisht." 

'  Toddy's  a  goosey-gander,"  remarked 
Budge,  with  great  gravity.  "  Uncle  Harry, 
do  you  think  heaven's  as  nice  as  that  place 
over  there  ? " 

"  Yes,  Budge,  a  great  deal  nicer." 


60  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

'  Then  why  don't  we  die  an'  go  there?  I 
don't  want  to  go  on  livin'  forever  an'  ever. 
I  don't  see  why  we  don't  die  right  away;  I 
think  we've  lived  enough  of  days." 

"  The  Lord  wants  us  to  live  until  we  get 
good  and  strong  and  smart,  and  do  a  great 
deal  of  good  before  we  die,  old  fellow — that's 
why  we  don't  die  right  away." 

"  Well,  I  want  to  see  dear  little  Phillie,  an' 
if  the  Lord  won't  let  him  come  down  here,  I 
think  he  might  let  me  die  an'  go  to  heaven. 
Little  Phillie  always  laughed  when  I  jumped 
for  him.  Uncle  Harry,  angels  has  wings, 
don't  they?" 

"  Some  people  think  they  have,  old  boy." 

"  Well,  I  know  they  don't,  cos  if  Phillie 
had  wings,  I  know  he'd  fly  right  down  here 
an'  see  me.  So  they  don't." 

"  But  maybe  he  has  to  go  somewhere  else, 
Budge,  or  maybe  he  comes  and  you  can't  see 
him.  We  can't  see  angels  with  our  eyes, 
you  know." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  61 

"  Then  what  made  the  Hebrew  children  in 
the  fiery  furnace  see  one?  Their  eyes  was 
just  like  ours,  wasn't  they?  I  don't  care;  I 
want  to  see  dear  little  Phillie  awful  much. 
Uncle  Harry,  if  I  went  to  heaven,  do  you 
know  what  I'd  do?" 

"  What  would  you  do,  Budge? " 

"Why,  after  I  saw  little  Phillie,  I'd  go 
right  up  to  the  Lord  an'  give  him  a  great 
big  hug." 

"What  for,  Budge?" 

"  Oh,  cos  he  lets  us  have  nice  times,  an' 
gave  me  my  mama  an'  papa,  an'  Phillie — but 
he  took  him  away  again — an'  Toddie,  but 
Toddie's  a  dreadful  bad  boy  sometimes, 
though." 

"Very  true,  Budge,"  said  I,  remembering 
my  trunk  and  the  object  of  my  ride. 

"  Uncle    Harry,    did    you    ever    see    the 
Lord?" 

"  No,  Budge ;  he  has  been  very  close  to  me 
a  good  many  times,  but  I  never  saw  him." 


62  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Well,  /  have;  I  see  him  every  time  I 
look  up  in  the  sky,  and  there  ain'  t  nobody 
with  me." 

The  driver  crossed  himself  and  whispered, 
"  He's  foriver  a-sayin'  that,  an'  be  the  pow 
ers,  I  belave  him.  Sometimes  ye'd  think 
that  the  howly  saints  thimselves  was  a-sphak- 
in'  whin  that  bye  gits  to  goin'  on  that  way." 

It  was  wonderful.  Budge's  countenance 
seemed  too  pure  to  be  of  the  earth  as  he  con 
tinued  to  express  his  ideas  of  the  better  land 
and  its  denizens.  As  for  Toddie,  his  tongue 
was  going  incessantly,  although  in  a  tone 
scarcely  audible;  but  when  I  chanced  to 
catch  his  expressions,  they  were  so  droll  and 
fanciful,  that  I  took  him  upon  my  lap  that  I 
might  hear  him  more  distinctly.  I  even  de 
tected  myself  in  the  act  of  examining  the 
mental  draft  of  my  proposed  letter  to  Helen, 
and  of  being  ashamed  of  it.  But  neither 
Toddie's  fancy  nor  Budge's  spirituality 
caused  me  to  forget  the  principal  object  of 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  63 

my  ride,  I  found  a  locksmith  and  left  the 
lock  to  be  fitted  with  a  key;  then  we  drove 
to  the  Falls.  Both  boys  discharged  volleys 
of  questions  as  we  stood  by  the  gorge,  and 
the  fact  that  the  roar  of  the  falling  water  pre 
vented  me  from  hearing  them  did  not  cause 
them  to  relax  their  efforts  in  the  least.  I 
walked  to  the  hotel  for  a  cigar,  taking  the 
children  with  me.  I  certainly  spent  no  more 
than  three  minutes  in  selecting  and  lighting 
a  cigar,  and  asking  the  barkeeper  a  few  ques 
tions  about  the  Falls;  but  when  I  turned, 
the  children  were  missii  g,  nor  could  I  see 
them  in  any  direction.  .Suddenly  before  my 
eyes  arose  from  the  near  :r  brink  of  the  gorge 
two  yellowish  disks,  w7)ich  I  recognized  as 
the  hats  of  my  nephews ,  then  I  saw  between 
the  disks  and  me  two  small  figures  lying 
upon  the  ground.  I  was  afraid  to  shout,  for 
fear  of  scaring  them,  if  they  happened  to 
hear  me.  I  bounded  across  the  grass,  indus 
triously  raving  and  praying  by  turns.  They 


64  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

were  lying  on  their  stomachs  and  looking 
over  the  edge  of  the  cliff.  I  approached 
them  on  tip-toe,  threw  myself  upon  the 
ground,  and  grasped  a  foot  of  each  child. 

"Oh,  Uncle  Harry!"  screamed  Budge  in 
my  ear,  as  I  dragged  him  close  to  me,  kissing 
and  shaking  him  alternately,  "  I  hunged  over 
more  than  Toddie  did." 

"  Well,  I— I— I— I— I— I— I  hunged  over  a 
good  deal,  any  how,"  siad  Toddie,  in  self- 
defense. 

That  afternoon  I  devoted  to  making  a  bou 
quet  for  Miss  Mayton,  and  a  most  delightful 
occupation  I  found  it.  It  was  no  florist's 
bouquet,  composed  of  only  a  few  kinds  of 
flowers,  wired  upon  sticks,  and  arranged  ac 
cording  to  geometric  pattern.  I  used  many 
a  rare  flower,  too  shy  of  bloom  to  recom 
mend  itself  to  florists;  I  combined  tints 
almost  as  numerous  as  the  flowers  were,  and 
perfumes  to  which  city  bouquets  are  utter 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  65 

strangers.  Arranging  flowers  is  a  favorite 
pastime  of  mine,  but  upon  this  particular  oc 
casion  I  enjoyed  my  work  more  than  I  had 
ever  done  before.  Not  that  I  was  in  love 
with  Miss  Mayton ;  a  man  may  honestly  and 
strongly  admire  a  handsome,  brilliant  woman 
without  being  in  love  with  her;  he  can  de 
light  himself  in  trying  to  give  her  pleasure, 
without  feeling  it  necessary  that  she  shall 
give  him  herself  in  return.  Since  I  arrived 
at  years  of  discretion,  I  have  always  smiled 
sarcastically  at  the  mention  of  the  generosity 
of  men  who  were  in  love ;  they  have  seemed 
to  me  rather  to  be  asking  an  immense  price 
for  what  they  offered.  I  had  no  such  feeling 
toward  Miss  Mayton.  There  have  been 
heathens  who  have  offered  gifts  to  goddesses 
out  of  pure  adoration  and  without  any  idea 
of  ever  having  the  exclusive  companionship 
of  their  favorite  divinities.  I  never  offered 
Miss  Mayton  any  attention  which  did  not 
put  me  into  closer  sympathy  with  these  same 


66  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

great-souled  old  Pagans,  and  with  such 
Christians  as  follow  their  good  example. 
With  each  new  grace  my  bouquet  took  on, 
my  pleasure  and  satisfaction  increased  at  the 
thought  of  how  she  would  enjoy  the  com 
pleted  evidence  of  my  taste. 

At  length  it  was  finished,  but  my  delight 
suddenly  became  clouded  by  the  dreadful 
thought,  "  What  will  folks  say?"  Had  we 
been  in  New  York  instead  of  Hillcrest,  no 
one  but  the  florist,  his  messenger,  the  lady 
and  myself  would  know  if  I  sent  a  bouquet 
to  Miss  Mayton;  but  in  Hillcrest,  with  its 
several  hundred  native-born  gossips  and  its 
acquaintance  of  everybody  with  everybody 
else  and  their  affairs,  I  feared  talk.  Upon 
the  discretion  of  Mike,  the  coachman,  I 
could  safely  rely;  I  had  already  confiden 
tially  conveyed  sundry  bits  of  fractional  cur 
rency  to  him,  and  informed  him  of  one  of 
the  parties  at  our  store  whose  family  Mike 
had  known  in  Old  Erin;  but  every  one  knew 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  67 

where  Mike  was  employed ;  every  one  knew 
— mysterious,  unseen  and  swift  are  the  ways 
of  communication  in  the  country! — that  I 
was  the  only  gentleman  at  present  residing 
at  Colonel  Lawrence's.  Ah! — I  had  it.  I 
had  seen  in  one  of  the  library-drawers  a  small 
pasteboard  box,  shaped  like  a  band-box— 
doubtless  that  would  hold  it.  I  found  the 
box — it  was  of  just  the  size  I  needed.  I 
dropped  my  card  into  the  bottom, — no  dan 
ger  of  a  lady  not  finding  the  card  accompany 
ing  a  gift  of  flowers, — neatly  fitted  the  bou 
quet  in  the  center  of  the  box,  and  went  in 
search  of  Mike.  He  winked  cheeringly  as  I 
explained  the  nature  of  his  errand,  and  he 
whispered : — 

"  I'll  do  it  as  clane  as  a  whistle,  yer  honor. 
Mistress  Clarkson's  cook  an'  mesilf  under- 
sthand  each  other,  an'  I'm  used  to  goin'  up 
the  back  way.  Dhivil  a  man  can  see  but  the 
angels,  an'  they  won't  tell." 

"  Very  well,  Mike ;  here's  a  dollar  for  you ; 


68  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

you'll  find  the  box  on  the  hat-rack  in  the 
hall." 

Half  an  hour  later,  while  I  sat  in  my  cham 
ber  window,  reading,  I  beheld  Mike,  cleanly 
shaved,  dressed  and  blushed,  swinging  up 
the  road,  with  my  box  balanced  on  one  of  his 
enormous  hands.  With  a  head  full  of  pleas 
ing  fancies,  I  went  down  to  supper.  My 
new  friends  were  unusually  good.  Their 
ride  seemed  to  have  toned  down  their  bois- 
terousness  and  elevated  their  little  souls; 
their  appetites  exhibited  no  diminution  of 
force,  but  they  talked  but  little,  and  all  that 
they  said  was  smart,  funny,  or  startling — so 
much  so  that  when,  after  supper,  they  invited 
me  to  put  them  to  bed,  I  gladly  accepted  the 
invitation.  Toddie  disappeared  somewhere, 
and  came  back  very  disconsolate. 

"Can't  find  my  dolly's  k'adle,"  he 
whined. 

"  Never  mind,  old  pet,"  said  I,  soothingly. 
"  Uncle  will  ride  you  on  his  foot." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  69 

"  But  I  want  my  dolly's  k'adle,"  said  he, 
piteously  rolling  out  his  lower  lip. 

I  remembered  my  experience  when  Toddie 
wanted  to  "shee  wheels  go  wound,"  and  I 
trembled. 

"Tocldie,"  said  I,  in  a  tone  so  persuasive 
that  it  would  be  worth  thousands  a  year  to 
me,  as  a  salesman,  if  I  could  only  command 
it  at  will ;  "  Toddie,  don't  you  want  to  ride 
on  uncle's  back?" 

"No:  want  my  dolly's  k'adle." 

"  Don't  you  want  me  to  tell  you  a 
story?" 

For  a  moment  Toddie's  face  indicated  a 
terrible  internal  conflict  between  old  Adam 
and  mother  Eve,  but  curiosity  finally  over 
powered  natural  depravity,  and  Toddie  mur 
mured  : — 

"Yesh." 

"  What  shall  I  tell  you  about?" 

"  'Bout  Nawndeark." 

"  About  w/iat?" 


70  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  He  means  Noah  an*  the  ark,"  exclaimed 
Budge. 

"  Datsh  what  /  shay — Nawndeark,"  de 
clared  Toddie. 

"Well,"  said  I,  hastily  refreshing  my  mem 
ory  by  picking  up  the  Bible, — for  Helen,  like 
most  people,  is  pretty  sure  to  forget  to  pack 
her  Bible  when  she  runs  away  from  home  for 
a  few  days, — "  well,  once  it  rained  forty  days 
and  nights,  and  everybody  was  drowned  from 
the  face  of  the  earth  excepting  Noah,  a  right 
eous  man,  who  was  saved,  with  all  his  family, 
in  an  ark  which  the  Lord  commanded  him 
to  build." 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  after  contem 
plating  me  with  open  eyes  and  mouth  for  at 
least  two  minutes  after  I  had  finished,  "  do 
you  think  that's  Noah?" 

"Certainly,  Budge;  here's  the  whole  story 
in  the  Bible." 

"  Well,  /  don't  think  it's  Noah  one  single 
bit,"  said  he,  with  increasing  emphasis. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  71 

"  I'm  beginning  to  think  we  read  different 
Bibles,  Budge;  but  let's  hear  your  version." 

"Huh?" 

"Tell  me  about  Noah,  if  you  know  so 
much  about  him." 

"  I  will,  if  you  want  me  to.  Once  the 
Lord  felt  so  uncomfortable  cos  folks  was  bad 
that  he  was  sorry  he  ever  made  anybody,  or 
any  world  or  anything.  But  Noah  wasn't 
bad — the  Lord  liked  him  first-rate,  so  he  told 
Noah  to  build  a  big  ark,  and  then  the  Lord 
would  make  it  rain  so  everybody  should  be 
drownded  but  Noah  an'  his  little  boys  an' 
girls,  an'  doggies  an'  pussies  an'  mama-cows 
an'  little-boy-cows  an'  little-girl-cows  an' 
hosses  an'  everything — they'd  go  in  the  ark 
an'  wouldn't  get  wetted  a  bit,  when  it  rained. 
An'  Noah  took  lots  of  things  to  eat  in  the 
ark — cookies,  an'  milk,  an'  oatmeal,  an' 
strawberries,  an'  porgies,  an' — oh,  yes;  an' 
plum-puddin's  an'  pumpkin-pies.  But  Noah 
didn't  want  everybody  to  get  drownded,  so 


72  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

he  talked  to  folks  an'  said, '  It's  goin'  to  rain 
awful  pretty  soon;  you'd  better  be  good,  an' 
then  the  Lord'll  let  you  come  into  my  ark.' 
An'  they  jus'  said,  '  Oh,  if  it  rains  we'll  go  in 
the  house  till  it  stops ; '  an'  other  folks  said, 
'  We  ain't  afraid  of  rain — we've  got  an  um 
brella.'  An'  some  more  said,  they  wasn't 
goin'  to  be  afraid  of  just  a  rain.  But  it  did 
rain  though,  an'  folks  went  in  their  houses, 
an'  the  water  came  in,  an'  they  went  upstairs, 
an'  the  water  came  up  there,  an'  they  got  on 
the  tops  of  the  houses,  an'  up  in  big  trees, 
an'  up  in  mountains,  an'  the  water  went  after 
'em  everywhere  an'  drownded  everybody, 
only  just  except  Noah  and  the  people  in  the 
ark.  An'  it  rained  forty  days  an'  nights,  an' 
then  it  stopped,  an'  Noah  got  out  of  the  ark, 
an'  he  and  his  little  boys  an'  girls  went  wher 
ever  they  wanted  to,  and  everything  in  the 
world  was  all  theirs;  there  wasn't  anybody  to 
tell  'em  to  go  home,  nor  no  Kindergarten 
schools  to  go  to,  nor  no  bad  boys  to  fight 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  73 

'em,  nor  nothin'.  Now  tell  us  'nother 
story." 

I  determined  that  I  would  not  again  at 
tempt  to  repeat  portions  of  the  Scripture  nar 
rative — my  experience  in  that  direction  had 
not  been  encouraging.  I  ventured  upon  a 
war  story. 

"Do  you  know  what  the  war  was?"  I 
asked,  by  way  of  reconnoissance. 

"  Oh,  yes,"  said  Budge;  "papa  was  there, 
an'  he's  got  a  sword ;  don't  you  see  it,  hang- 
in'  up  there?" 

Yes,  I  saw  it,  and  the  difference  between 
the  terrible  field  where  last  I  saw  Tom's 
sword  in  action,  and  this  quiet  room  where  it 
now  hung,  forced  me  into  a  reverie  from 
which  I  was  aroused  by  Budge  remark 
ing:— 

"  Ain't  you  goin'  to  tell  us  one? " 

"  Oh,  yes,  Budge.  One  day  while  the  war 
was  going  on,  there  was  a  whole  lot  of  sol 
diers  going  along  a  road,  and  they  were  as 


74  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

hungry  as  they  could  be;  they  hadn't  had 
anything  to  eat  that  day." 

"  Why  didn't  they  go  into  the  houses,  and 
tell  the  people  they  was  hungry?  That's 
what  /  do  when  I  goes  along  roads." 

"  Because  the  people  in  that  country  didn't 
like  them ;  the  brothers  and  papas  and  hus 
bands  of  those  people  were  soldiers,  too ;  but 
they  didn't  like  the  soldiers  I  told  you  about 
first,  and  they  wanted  to  kill  them." 

"  I  don't  think  they  were  a  bit  nice,"  said 
Budge,  with  considerable  decision. 

"Well,  the  first  soldiers  wanted  to  kill 
t/iem,  Budge." 

"  Then  they  was  all  bad,  to  want  to  kill 
each  other." 

"Oh,  no,  they  weren't;  there  were  a  great 
many  real  good  men  on  both  sides." 

Poor  Budge  looked  sadly  puzzled,  as  he 
had  an  excellent  right  to  do,  since  the  wisest 
and  best  men  are  sorely  perplexed  by  the 
nature  of  warlike  feeling. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  75 

"  Both  parties  of  soldiers  were  on  horse 
back,"  I  continued,  "and  they  were  near 
each  other,  and  when  they  saw  each  other 
they  made  their  horses  run  fast,  and  the 
bugles  blew,  and  the  soldiers  all  took  their 
swords  out  to  kill  each  other  with,  when  just 
then  a  little  boy,  who  had  been  out  in  the 
woods  to  pick  berries  for  his  mama,  tried  to 
run  across  the  road,  and  caught  his  toe  some 
way,  and  fell  down,  and  cried.  Then  some 
body  hallooed  '  Halt ! '  very  loud,  and  all  the 
horses  on  one  side  stopped,  and  then  some 
body  else  hallooed  '  Halt ! '  and  a  lot  of  bu 
gles  blew,  and  every  horse  on  the  other  side 
stopped,  and  one  soldier  jumped  off  his 
horse,  and  picked  up  the  little  boy — he  was 
only  about  as  big  as  you,  Budge — and  tried 
to  comfort  him ;  and  then  a  soldier  from 
the  other  side  came  up  to  look  at  him,  and 
then  more  soldiers  came  from  both  sides  to 
look  at  him;  and  when  he  got  better  and 
walked  home,  the  soldiers  all  rode  away, 


76  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

because  they  didn't  feel  like  fighting  just 
then." 

"Oh,  Uncle  Harry!  I  think  it  was  an 
awful  good  soldier  that  got  off  his  horse  to 
take  care  of  that  poor  little  boy." 

"Do  you,  Budge?  Who  do  you  think  it 
was  ? " 

"  I  dunno." 

"  It  was  your  papa." 

"Oh— h— h— h— h!"  If  Tom  could  have 
but  seen  the  expression  upon  his  boy's  face 
as  he  prolonged  this  exclamation,  his  loss  of 
one  of  the  grandest  chances  a  cavalry  officer 
ever  had  would  not  have  seemed  so  great  to 
him  as  it  had  done  for  years.  He  seemed  to 
take  in  the  story  in  all  its  bearings,  and  his 
great  eyes  grew  in  depth  as  they  took  on  the 
far-away  look  which  seemed  too  earnest  for 
the  strength  of  an  earthly  being  to  support. 

But  Toddie,  —  he  who  a  fond  mama 
thought  endowed  with  art  sense,  —  Toddie 
had  throughout  my  recital  the  air  of  a  man 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  77 

who  was  musing  on  some  affair  of  his  own, 
and  Budge's  exclamation  had  hardly  died 
away,  when  Toddie  commenced  to  wave 
aloud  an  extravaganza  wholly  his  own. 

"  When  /  was  a  soldier,"  he  remarked, 
very  gravely,  "  I  had  a  coat  an'  a  hat  on,  an' 
a  muff  an'  a  little  knake  *  wound  my  neck  to 
keep  me  warm,  an'  it  wained,  an'  hailed,  an' 
'termed,  an'  I  felt  bad,  so  I  whallowed  a 
sword  an'  burned  me  all  down  dead." 

"And  how  did  you  get  here?"  I  asked, 
with  interest  proportioned  to  the  importance 
of  Toddie's  last  clause. 

"  Oh,  I  got  up  from  the  burn-down  dead, 
an'  corned  right  here.  "An'  I  want  my  dol 
ly's  k'adle." 

O  persistent  little  dragon  i  If  you  were  of 
age,  what  a  fortune  you  might  make  in  busi 
ness! 

"  Uncle    Harry,    I   wish    my  papa   would 
come  home  right  away,"  said  Budge. 
*  Snake :  tippet. 


78  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Why,  Budge?" 

"  I  want  to  love  him  for  bein'  so  good  to 
that  poor  little  boy  in  the  war." 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,  I  wants  my  dolly's  k'a- 
dle,  tause  my  dolly's  in  it,  an'  I  want  to  shee 
her;"  thus  spake  Toddie. 

"  Don't  you  think  the  Lord  loved  my  papa 
awful  much  for  doin'  that  sweet  thing,  Uncle 
Harry?"  asked  Budge. 

"  Yes,  old  fellow,  I  feel  sure  that  he 
did." 

"  Lord  lovesh  my  papa  vewy  much,  so  I 
love  ze  Lord  vewy  much,"  remarked  Toddie. 
"  An'  I  wants  my  dolly's  k'adle  an'  my 
dolly." 

"  Toddie,  I  don't  know  where  either  of 
them  are — I  can't  find  them  now — do  wait 
until  morning,  then  Uncle  Harry  will  look 
for  them." 

"  I  don't  see  how  the  Lord  can  get  along 
in  heaven  without  my  papa,  Uncle  Harry," 
said  Budge. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  79 

"  Lord  takesh  papa  to  heaven,  an'  Budgie 
an'  me,  an'  we'll  go  walkin'  an'  see  ze  Lord, 
an'  play  wif  ze  angels'  wings,  an'  hazh  good 
timsh,  an'  never  have  to  go  to  bed  at  all,  at 
all." 

Pure-hearted  little  innocents!  compared 
with  older  people  whom  we  endure,  how 
great  thy  faith  and  how  few  thy  faults! 
How  superior  thy  love— 

A  knock  at  the  door  interrupted  me. 
"  Come  in !  "  I  shouted. 

In  stepped  Mike,  with  an  air  of  the  great 
est  secrecy,  handed  me  a  letter  and  the  iden 
tical  box  in  which  I  had  sent  the  flowers  to 
Miss  Mayton.  What  could  it  mean?  I 
hastily  opened  the  envelope,  and  at  the  same 
time  Toddie  shrieked:— 

"  Oh,  darsh  my  dolly's  k'adle— dare  'tish ! " 
snatched  and  opened  the  box,  and  displayed 
— his  doll  1  My  heart  sickened,  and  did  not 
regain  its  strength  during  the  perusal  of  the 
following  note: — 


80  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Miss  Mayton  herewith  returns  to  Mr. 
Burton  the  package  which  just  arrived,  with 
his  card.  She  recognizes  the  contents  as  a 
portion  of  the  apparent  property  of  one  of 
Mr.  Burton's  nephews,  but  is  unable  to  un 
derstand  why  it  should  have  been  sent  to  her. 

"June  20,  1875." 

'  Toddie,"  I  roared,  as  my  younger 
nephew  caressed  his  loathsome  doll,  and 
murmured  endearing  words  to  it,  "  where 
did  you  get  that  box?" 

"  On  the  hat-wack,"  replied  the  youth, 
with  perfect  fearlessness;  "I  keeps  it  in  ze 
book-case  djawer,  an'  somebody  took  it  'way 
an'  put  nasty  ole  flowers  in  it." 

"Where  are  those  flowers?"  I  demanded. 

Toddie  looked  up  with  considerable  sur 
prise  but  promptly  replied:— 

"  I  froed  'em  away — don't  want  no  ole 
flowers  in  my  dolly's  k'adle.  That's  ze  way 
she  wocks — see ! "  And  this  horrible  little 
destroyer  of  human  hopes  rolled  that  box 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  81 

back  and  forth  with  the  most  utter  uncon 
cern,  as  he  spoke  endearing  words  to  the 
substitute  for  my  beautiful  bouquet ! 

To  say  that  I  looked  at  Toddie  reprov 
ingly  is  to  express  my  feelings  in  the  most 
inadequate  language,  but  of  language  in 
which  to  express  my  feelings  to  Toddie  I 
could  find  absolutely  none.  Within  two  or 
three  short  moments  I  had  discovered  how 
very  anxious  I  really  was  to  merit  Miss  May- 
ton's  regard,  and  how  very  different  was  the 
regard  I  wanted  from  that  which  I  had  pre 
viously  hoped  might  be  accorded  me.  It 
seemed  too  ridiculous  to  be  true  that  I,  who 
had  for  years  had  dozens  of  charming  lady 
acquaintances,  and  yet  had  always  main 
tained  my  common  sense  and  self-control;  I, 
who  had  always  considered  it  unmanly  for  a 
man  to  specially  interest  himself  in  any  lady 
until  he  had  an  income  of  five  thousand  a 
year;  I  who  had  skilfully,  and  many  times, 

argued,  that    life-attachments,  or    attempts 
6 


82  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

thereat,  which  were  made  without  a  careful 
preliminary  study  of  the  mental  characteris 
tics  of  the  partner  desired,  was  the  most  un 
pardonable  folly, — I  had  transgressed  every 
one  of  my  own  rules,  and,  as  if  to  mock  me 
for  any  pretended  wisdom  and  care,  my 
weakness  was  made  known  to  me  by  a  three- 
year-old  marplot  and  a  hideous  rag-doll ! 

That  merciful  and  ennobling  dispensation 
by  which  Providence  enables  us  to  temper 
the  severity  of  our  own  sufferings  by  allevia 
ting  those  of  others,  came  soon  to  my  rescue. 
Under  my  stern  glance  Toddie  gradually  lost 
interest  in  his  doll  and  its  cradle,  and  began 
to  thrust  forth  and  outward  his  piteous  lower 
lip  and  to  weep  copiously. 

"  Dee  Lord,  not  make  me  sho  bad,"  he 
cried  through  his  tears.  I  doubt  his  having 
had  any  very  clear  idea  of  what  he  was  say 
ing,  or  whom  he  was  addressing;  but  had  the 
publican  of  whose  prayer  Toddie  made  so 
fair  a  paraphrase  worn  such  a  face  when  he 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  83 

offered  his  famous  petition,  it  could  not  have 
been  denied  for  a  moment.  Toddie  even  re 
tired  to  a  corner  and  hid  his  face  in  self-im 
posed  penance. 

"Never  mind,  Toddie,"  said  I,  sadly; 
"  you  didn't  mean  to  do  it,  I  know." 

"  I  wantsh  to  love  you,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

"  Well,  come  here,  you  poor  little  fellow," 
said  I,  opening  my  arms,  and  wondering 
whether  'twas  not  after  contemplation  of 
some  such  sinner  that  good  Bishop  Tegner 
wrote : — 

"  Depths  of  love  are  atonement's  depths,  for  love  is 
atonement. " 

Toddie  came  to  my  arms,  shed  tears  freely 
upon  my  shirt-front,  and  finally,  after  heav 
ing  a  very  long  sigh,  remarked:— 

"  Wantsh  you  to  love  me" 

I  complied  with  his  request.  Theoreti 
cally,  I  had  long  believed  that  the  higher 
wisdom  of  the  Creator  was  most  frequently 
expressed  through  the  medium  of  his  most 


84  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

innocent  creations.  Surely  here  was  a  con 
firmation  of  my  theory,  for  who  else  had  ever 
practically  taught  me  the  duty  of  the  injured 
one  toward  his  offender?  I  kissed  Toddie 
and  petted  him,  and  at  length  succeeded  in 
quieting  him;  his  little  face,  in  spite  of  much 
dirt  and  many  tear-stains,  was  upturned  with 
more  of  beauty  in  it  than  it  ever  held  when 
its  owner  was  full  of  joy;  he  looked  earnestly, 
confidingly,  into  my  eyes,  and  I  congratu 
lated  myself  upon  the  perfection  of  my  for 
giving  spirit,  when  Toddie  suddenly  re-exhib 
ited  to  me  my  old  unregenerate  nature,  and 
the  incompleteness  of  my  forgiveness,  by 
saying: — 

"  Kish  my  dolly,  too." 

I  obeyed.  My  forgiveness  was  made  com 
plete,  but  so  was  my  humiliation.  I  abruptly 
closed  our  interview.  We  exchanged  "  God 
bless  you's,"  according  to  Budge's  instruc 
tions  of  the  previous  night,  and  at  least  one 
of  the  participants  in  this  devotional  exercise 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  85 

hoped  the  petitions  made  by  the  other  were 
distinctly  heard.  Then  I  dropped  into  an 
easy-chair  in  the  library,  and  fell  to  thinking. 
I  found  myself  really  and  seriously  troubled 
by  the  results  of  Toddie's  operation  with  my 
bouquet.  I  might  explain  the  matter  to  Miss 
Mayton — I  undoubtedly  could,  for  she  was 
too  sensible  a  woman  to  be  easily  offended 
merely  by  a  ridiculous  mistake,  caused  by  a 
child.  But  she  would  laugh  at  me — how 
could  she  help  it? — and  to  be  laughed  at 
by  Miss  Mayton  was  a  something  the  mere 
thought  of  which  tormented  me  in  a  man 
ner  that  made  me  fairly  ashamed  of  myself. 
Like  every  other  young  man  among  young 
men,  I  had  been  the  butt  of  many  a  rough 
joke,  and  had  borne  them  without  wincing; 
it  seemed  cowardly  and  contemptible  that  I 
should  be  so  sensitive  under  the  mere 
thought  of  laughter  which  would  probably  be 
heard  by  no  one  but  Miss  Mayton  herself. 
But  the  laughter  of  a  mere  acquaintance  is 


86  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

likely  to  lessen  respect  for  the  person 
laughed  at.  Heavens !  the  thought  was  un 
endurable!  At  any  rate,  I  must  write  an 
early  apology.  When  I  was  correspondent 
for  the  house  with  which  I  am  now  salesman 
I  reclaimed  many  an  old  customer  who  had 
wandered  off — certainly  I  might  hope  by  a 
well-written  letter  to  regain  in  Miss  Mayton's 
respect  whatever  position  I  had  lost.  I  has 
tily  drafted  a  letter,  corrected  it  carefully, 
copied  it  in  due  form,  and  forwarded  it  by 
the  faithful  Michael.  Then  I  tried  to  read, 
but  without  the  least  success.  For  hours  I 
paced  the  piazza  and  consumed  cigars ;  when 
at  last  I  retired  it  was  with  many  ideas, 
hopes,  fears,  and  fancies  which  had  never  be 
fore  been  mine.  True  to  my  trust,  I  looked 
into  my  nephews'  room ;  there  lay  the  boys, 
in  postures  more  graceful  than  any  which 
brush  or  chisel  have  ever  reproduced.  Tod- 
die,  in  particular,  wore  so  lovely  an  expres 
sion  that  I  could  not  refrain  from  kissing 


"HEAVENS  I   THE   THOUGHT   WAS  UNENDURABLE  I' 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  87 

him.  But  I  was  none  the  less  careful  to 
make  use  of  my  new  key,  and  to  lock  my 
other  door  also. 

The  next  day  was  the  Sabbath.  Believing 
fully  in  the  binding  force  and  worldly  wis 
dom  of  the  Fourth  Commandment,  so  far 
as  it  refers  to  rest,  I  have  conscientiously 
trained  myself  to  sleep  two  hours  later  on 
the  morning  of  the  holy  day  than  I  ever 
allowed  myself  to  do  on  business  days.  But 
having  inherited,  besides  a  New  England 
conscience,  a  New  England  abhorrence  of 
waste,  I  regularly  sit  up  two  hours  later  on 
Saturday  nights  than  on  any  others;  and  the 
night  preceding  this  particular  Sabbath  was 
no  exception  to  the  rule,  as  the  reader  may 
imagine  from  the  foregoing  recital.  At 
about  5.30  A.  M.,  however,  I  became  con 
scious  that  my  nephews  were  not  in  accord 
with  me  on  the  Sinaitic  law.  They  were  not 
only  awake,  but  were  disputing  vigorously, 
and,  seemingly,  very  loudly,  for  I  heard  their 


88  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

words  very  distinctly.  With  sleepy  conde 
scension  I  endeavored  to  ignore  these  noisy 
irreverents,  but  I  was  suddenly  moved  to  a 
belief  in  the  doctrine  of  vicarious  atonement, 
for  a  flying  body,  with  more  momentum  than 
weight,  struck  me  upon  the  not  prominent 
bridge  of  my  nose,  and  speedily  and  with 
unnecessary  force  accommodated  itself  to 
the  outline  of  my  eyes.  After  a  moment 
spent  in  anguish,  and  in  wondering  how  the 
missive  came  through  closed  doors  and  win 
dows,  I  discovered  that  my  pain  had  been 
caused  by  one  of  the  dolls,  which,  from  its 
extreme  uncleanness,  I  suspected  belonged 
to  Toddie;  I  also  discovered  that  the  door 
between  the  rooms  was  open. 

"  Who  threw  that  doll  ? "  I  shouted,  sternly. 

There  came  no  response. 

"  Do  you  hear? "  I  roared. 

"What  is  it,  Uncle  Harry?"  asked  Budge, 
with  most  exquisitely  polite  inflection. 

"Who  threw  that  doll?" 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  89 

"Huh?" 

"  I  say,  who  threw  that  doll? " 
"  Why,  nobody  did  it." 
"  Toddie,  who  threw  that  doll? " 
"  Budge  did,"  replied   Toddie,   in  muffled 
tones,   suggestive   of  a  brotherly  hand   laid 
forcibly  over  a  pair  of  small  lips. 
"  Budge,  what  did  you  do  it  for? " 
"  Why — why — I — because — why,  you  see — 
because  why,  Toddie  froo  his  dolly  in  my 
mouth ;  some  of  her  hair  went  in,  any  how, 
an'  I  didn't  want  his  dolly  in  my  mouth,  so  I 
sent  it  back  to  him,  an'  the  foot  of  the  bed 
didn't  stick  up  enough,  so  it  went  froo  the 
door  to  your  bed — that's  what  for." 

The  explanation  seemed  to  bear  marks  of 
genuineness,  albeit  the  pain  of  my  eye  was 
not  alleviated  thereby,  while  the  exertion  ex 
pended  in  eliciting  the  information  had  so 
thoroughly  awakened  me  that  further  sleep 
was  out  of  the  question.  Besides,  the  open 
door, — had  a  burglar  been  in  the  room?  No; 


90  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

my  watch  and  pocketbook  were  undis- 
turbed. 

"  Budge,  who  opened  that  door?" 

After  some  hesitation,  as  if  wondering  who 
really  did  it,  Budge  replied : — 

"  Me." 

"How  did  you  doit?" 

"  Why,  you  see  we  wanted  a  drink,  an'  the 
door  was  fast,  so  we  got  out  the  window  on 
the  parazzo  roof,  an'  corned  in  your  window." 
(Here  a  slight  pause.)  "  An'  'twas  fun.  An' 
then  we  unlocked  the  door,  an'  corned  back." 

Then  I  should  be  compelled  to  lock  my 
window-blinds — or  theirs,  and  this  in  the 
summer  season,  too!  Oh,  if  Helen  could 
have  but  passed  the  house  as  that  white- 
robed  procession  had  filed  along  the  piazza- 
roof !  I  lay  pondering  over  the  vast  amount 
of  unused  ingenuity  that  was  locked  up  in 
millions  of  children,  or  employed  only  to 
work  misery  among  unsuspecting  adults, 
when  I  heard  light  footfalls  at  my  bedside, 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  91 

and  saw  a  small  shape  with  a  grave  face  ap 
proach  and  remark: — 

"  I  wants  to  come  in  your  bed." 

"What  for,  Toddie?" 

"To  fwolic;  papa  always  fwolics  us  Sun 
day  mornin's.  Turn,  Budgie,  Ocken  Haw- 
wy's  doin'  to  fwolic  us." 

Budge  replied  by  shrieking  with  delight, 
tumbling  out  of  bed,  and  hurrying  to  that 
side  of  my  bed  not  already  occupied  by  Tod- 
die.  Then  those  two  little  savages  sounded 
the  onslaught  and  advanced  precipitately 
upon  me.  Sometimes,  during  the  course  of 
my  life,  I  have  had  day-dreams  which  I  have 
told  to  no  one.  Among  these  has  been  one 
— not  now  so  distinct  as  it  was  before  my 
four  years  of  campaigning — of  one  day  meet 
ing  in  deadly  combat  the  painted  Indian  of 
the  plains;  of  listening  undismayed  to  his 
frightful  war-whoop,  and  of  exemplifying  in 
my  own  person  the  inevitable  result  of  the 
pale-face's  superior  intelligence.  But  upon 


92  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

this  particular  Sunday  morning  I  relin 
quished  this  idea  informally,  but  forever. 
Before  the  advance  of  these  diminutive  war 
riors  I  quailed  contemptibly,  and  their  battle- 
cry  sent  more  terror  to  my  soul  than  that 
member  ever  experienced  from  the  well- 
remembered  rebel  yell.  According  to  Tod- 
die,  I  was  going  to  "fwolic"  them;  but  from 
the  first  they  took  the  whole  business  into 
their  own  little  but  effective  hands.  Toddie 
pronounced  my  knees,  collectively  a-horsie 
"bonnie,"  and  bestrode  them,  laughing  glee 
fully  at  my  efforts  to  unseat  him,  and  hold 
ing  himself  in  position  by  digging  his  pudgy 
fingers  into  whatever  portions  of  my  anat 
omy  he  could  most  easily  seize.  Budge 
shouted,  "  I  want  a  horsie,  too ! "  and  seated 
himself  upon  my  chest.  '  This  is  the  way 
the  horsie  goes,"  explained  he,  as  he  slowly 
rocked  himself  backward  and  forward.  I 
began  to  realize  how  my  brother-in-law,  who 
had  once  been  a  fine  gymnast,  had  become 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  93 

so  flat-chested.  Just  then  Budge's  face  as 
sumed  a  more  spirited  expression,  his  eyes 
opened  wide  and  lightened  up,  and,  shouting, 
" This  the  way  the  horsie  trots"  he  stood  up 
right,  threw  up  his  feet,  and  dropped  his 
forty-three  avoirdupois  pounds  forcibly  upon 
my  lungs.  He  repeated  this  operation  sev 
eral  times  before  I  fully  recovered  from  the 
shock  conveyed  by  his  combined  impudence 
and  weight;  but  pain  finally  brought  my 
senses  back,  and  with  a  wild  plunge  I  un 
seated  my  demoniac  riders  and  gained  a 
clear  space  in  the  middle  of  the  floor. 

"  Ah — h — h — h — h — h — h,"  screamed  Tod- 
die,  "  I  wants  to  wide  horshie  backen." 

"  Boo — oo — oo — oo — ,"  roared  Budge,  "  I 
think  you're  real  mean.  I  don't  love  you  at 
all." 

Regardless  alike  of  Toddie's  desires,  of 
Budge's  opinion,  and  the  cessation  of  his  re 
gard,  I  performed  a  hasty  toilet.  Notwith 
standing  my  lost  rest,  savagely  thanked  the 


94  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Lord  for  Sunday;  at  church,  at  least,  I  could 
be  free  from  my  tormentors.  At  the  break 
fast-table  both  boys  invited  themselves  to 
accompany  me  to  the  sanctuary,  but  I  de 
clined  without  thanks.  To  take  them  might 
be  to  assist  somewhat  in  teaching  them  one 
of  the  best  of  habits,  but  I  strongly  doubted 
whether  the  severest  Providence  would  con 
sider  it  my  duty  to  endure  the  probable  con 
sequences  of  such  an  attempt.  Besides  I 
might  meet  Miss  Mayton.  I  both  hoped 
and  feared  I  might,  and  I  could  not  endure 
the  thought  of  appearing  before  her  with  the 
causes  of  my  pleasant  remembrance.  Budge 
protested  and  Toddie  wept,  but  I  remained 
firm,  although  I  was  so  willing  to  gratify 
their  reasonable  desires  that  I  took  them  out 
for  a  long  ante-service  walk.  While  enjoy 
ing  this  little  trip  I  delighted  the  children  by 
killing  a  snake  and  spoiling  a  slender  cane 
at  the  same  time,  my  own  sole  consolation 
coming  from  the  discovery  that  the  remains 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  95 

of  the  staff  were  sufficient  to  make  a  cane  for 
Budge.  While  returning  to  the  house  and 
preparing  for  church  I  entered  into  a  solemn 
agreement  with  Budge,  who  was  usually  rec 
ognized  as  the  head  of  this  fraternal  part 
nership.  Budge  contracted,  for  himself  and 
brother,  to  make  no  attempts  to  enter  my 
room;  to  refrain  from  fighting;  to  raise  loose 
dirt  only  with  a  shovel,  and  to  convey  it  to 
its  destination  by  means  other  than  their 
own  hats  and  aprons ;  to  pick  no  flowers ;  to 
open  no  water-faucets ;  to  refer  all  disagree 
ments  to  the  cook,  as  arbitrator,  and  to  build 
no  houses  of  the  new  books  which  I  had 
stacked  upon  the  library  table.  In  consider 
ation  of  the  promised  faithful  observance  of 
these  conditions  I  agreed  that  Budge  should 
be  allowed  to  come  alone  to  Sabbath  school, 
which  convened  directly  after  morning  serv 
ice,  he  to  start  only  after  Maggie  had  pro 
nounced  him  duly  cleansed  and  clothed.  As 
Toddie  was  daily  kept  in  bed  from  eleven  to 


96  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

one,  I  felt  that  I  might  safely  worship  with 
out  distracting  fears,  for  Budge  could  not 
alone,  and  in  a  single  hour,  become  guilty  of 
any  particular  sin.  The  church  at  Hillcrest 
had  many  more  seats  than  members,  and  as 
but  few  summer  visitors  had  yet  appeared  in 
the  town,  I  was  conscious  of  being  industri 
ously  stared  at  by  the  native  members  of  the 
congregation.  This  was  of  itself  discomfort 
enough,  but  not  all  to  which  I  was  destined, 
for  the  usher  conducted  me  quite  near  to  the 
altar,  and  showed  me  into  a  pew  whose  only 
other  occupant  was  Miss  Mayton !  Of  course 
the  lady  did  not  recognize  me — she  was  too 
carefully  bred  to  do  anything  of  the  sort  in 
church,  and  I  spent  ten  uncomfortable  min 
utes  in  mentally  abusing  the  customs  of  good 
society.  The  beginning  of  the  service  par 
tially  ended  my  uneasiness,  for  I  had  no 
hymn-book, — the  pew  contained  none, — so 
Miss  Mayton  kindly  offered  me  a  share  in 
her  own.  And  yet  so  faultlessly  perfect  and 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  97 

stranger-like  was  her  manner  that  I  won 
dered  whether  her  action  might  not  have 
been  prompted  merely  by  a  sense  of  Chris 
tian  duty ;  had  I  been  the  Khan  of  Tartary 
she  could  not  have  been  more  polite  and 
frigid.  The  music  to  the  first  hymn  was  an 
air  I  had  never  heard  before,  so  I  stumbled 
miserably  through  the  tenor,  although  Miss 
Mayton  rendered  the  soprano  without  a  sin 
gle  false  note.  The  sermon  was  longer  than 
I  was  in  the  habit  of  listening  to,  and  I  was 
frequently  conscious  of  not  listening  at  all. 
As  for  my  position  and  appearance,  neither 
ever  seemed  so  insignificant  as  they  did 
throughout  the  entire  service. 

The  minister  reached  "And  finally,  dear 
brethren,"  with  my  earnest  prayers  for  a  suc 
cessful  and  speedy  finale.  It  seemed  to  me 
that  the  congregation  sympathized  with  me, 
for  there  was  a  general  rustle  behind  me  as 
these  words  were  spoken.  It  soon  became 
evident,  however,  that  the  hearers  were 


98  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

moved  by  some  other  feeling,  for  I  heard  a 
profound  titter  or  two  behind  me.  Even 
Miss  May  ton  turned  her  head  with  more 
alacrity  than  was  consistent  with  that  grace 
which  usually  characterized  her  motions,  and 
the  minister  himself  made  a  pause  of  unusual 
length.  I  turned  in  my  seat,  and  saw  my 
nephew  Budge,  dressed  in  his  best,  his  head 
irreverently  covered,  and  his  new  cane  swing 
ing  in  the  most  stylish  manner.  He  paused 
at  each  pew,  carefully  surveyed  its  occupants, 
seemed  to  fail  in  finding  the  object  of  his 
search,  but  continued  his  efforts  in  spite  of 
my  endeavors  to  catch  his  eye.  Finally,  he 
recognized  a  family  acquaintance,  and  to  him 
he  unburdened  his  bosom  by  remarking,  in 
tones  easily  heard  throughout  the  church : — 

"  I  want  to  find  my  uncle." 

Just  then  he  caught  my  eye,  smiled  raptur 
ously,  hurried  to  me  and  laid  his  rascally  soft 
cheek  confidingly  against  mine,  while  an 
audible  sensation  pervaded  the  church. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  99 

What  to  do  or  say  to  him  I  scarcely  knew ; 
but  my  quandary  was  turned  to  wonder,  as 
Miss  Mayton,  her  face  full  of  ill-repressed 
mirth,  but  her  eyes  full  of  tenderness,  drew 
the  little  scamp  close  to  her,  and  kissed  him 
soundly.  At  the  same  instant,  the  minister, 
not  without  some  little  hesitation,  said,  "  Let 
us  pray."  I  hastily  bowed  my  head,  glad  of 
a  chance  to  hide  my  face ;  but  as  x  stole  a 
glance  at  the  cause  of  this  irreligious  disturb 
ance,  I  caught  Miss  Mayton's  eye.  She  was 
laughing  so  violently  that  the  contagion  was 
unavoidable,  and  I  laughed  all  the  harder  as 
I  felt  that  one  mischievous  boy  had  undone 
the  mischief  caused  by  another. 

After  the  benediction,  Budge  was  the  re 
cipient  of  a  great  deal  of  attention,  during 
the  confusion  of  which  I  embraced  the  op 
portunity  to  say  to  Miss  Mayton:— 

"  Do  you  still  sustain  my  sister  in  her  opin 
ion  of  my  nephews,  Miss  Mayton?" 

"  I  think  they're  too  funny  for  anything," 


ioo  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

replied  the  lady,  with  great  enthusiasm.  "  I 
do  wish  you  would  bring  them  to  call  upon 
me.  I'm  longing  to  see  an  original  young 
gentleman." 

"Thank  you,"  said  I.  "And  I'll  have 
Toddie  bring  a  bouquet  by  way  of  atone 
ment." 

"  Do,"  she  replied,  as  I  allowed  her  to  pass 
from  the  pew.  The  word  was  an  insignifi 
cant  one,  but  it  made  me  happy  once  more. 

"You  see,  Uncle  Harry,"  exclaimed 
Budge,  as  we  left  the  church  together,  "  the 
Sunday-school  wasn't  open  yet,  an'  I  wanted 
to  hear  if  they'd  sing  again  in  church ;  so  I 
came  in,  an'  you  wasn't  in  papa's  seat,  an'  I 
knew  you  was  somewhere,  so  I  looked  for  you." 

"  Bless  you,"  thought  I,  snatching  him 
into  my  arms  as  if  to  hurry  him  into  Sab 
bath  school,  but  really  to  give  him  a  kiss  of 
grateful  affection,  "  you  did  right — exactly 
right." 

My  Sunday  dinner  was  unexceptional  in 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          101 

point  of  quantity  and  quality,  and  a  bottle  of 
my  brother-in-law's  claret  proved  to  be  most 
excellent;  yet  a  certain  uneasiness  of  mind 
prevented  my  enjoying  the  meal  as  thor 
oughly  as  under  other  circumstances  I  might 
have  done.  My  uneasiness  came  of  a  min 
gled  sense  of  responsibility  and  ignorance. 
I  felt  that  it  was  the  proper  thing  for  me  to 
see  that  my  nephews  spent  the  day  with 
some  sense  of  the  requirements  and  duties 
of  the  Sabbath;  but  how  I  was  to  bring  it 
about,  I  hardly  knew.  The  boys  were  too 
small  to  have  Bible-lessons  administered  to 
them,  and  they  were  too  lively  to  be  kept 
quiet  by  any  ordinary  means.  After  a  great 
deal  of  thought,  I  determined  to  consult  the 
children  themselves,  and  try  to  learn  what 
their  parents'  custom  had  been. 

"Budge,"  said  I,  "what  do  you  do  Sun 
days  when  your  papa  and  mama  are  home? 
What  do  they  read  to  you, — what  do  they 
talk  about?" 


102          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Oh,  they  swing  us — lots!"  said  Budge, 
with  brightening  eyes. 

"  An'  zey  takes  us  to  get  jacks,"  observed 
Toddie. 

"Oh,  yes!"  exclaimed  Budge;  "jacks-in- 
the-pulpit — don't  you  know?" 

"Hum — ye — es;  I  do  remember  some 
such  thing  in  my  youthful  days.  They  grow 
where  there's  plenty  of  mud,  don't  they?" 

"  Yes,  an'  there's  a  brook  there,  an'  ferns, 
an'  birch-bark,  an'  if  you  don't  look  out 
you'll  tumble  into  the  brook  when  you  go  to 
get  birch." 

"  An'  we  goes  to  Hawksnest  Rock,"  piped 
Toddie,  "  an'  papa  carries  us  up  on  his  back 
when  we  gets  tired." 

"  An'  he  makes  us  whistles,"  said  Budge. 

"Budge,"  said  I,  rather  hastily,  "enough. 
In  the  language  of  the  poet 

"  '  These  earthly  pleasures  I  resign, ' 
and  I'm   rather  astonished   that  your  papa 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  103 

hasn't  taught  you  to  do  likewise.  Don't  he 
ever  read  to  you  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  cried  Budge,  clapping  his 
hands,  as  a  happy  thought  struck  him.  "  He 
gets  down  the  Bible — the  great  big  Bible,  you 
know — an'  we  all  lay  on  the  floor,  an'  he 
reads  us  stories  out  of  it.  There's  David, 
an'  Noah,  an'  when  Christ  was  a  little  boy, 
an'  Joseph,  an'  turnbackPharo'sarmyhallelu- 
jah " 

"And  what?" 

'  TurnbackPharo'sarmyhallelujah,"  repeat 
ed  Budge.  "  Don't  you  know  how  Moses 
held  out  his  cane  over  the  Red  Sea,  an'  the 
water  went  way  up  one  side,  an'  way  up  the 
other  side,  and  all  the  Isrulites  went  across? 
It's  just  the  same  thing  as  #V0z£/«oldPharo's- 
armyhallelujah — don't  you  know?" 

"  Budge,"  said  I,  "  I  suspect  you  of  having 
heard  the  Jubilee  Singers." 

"  Oh,  and  papa  and  mama  sings  us  all 
those  Jubilee  songs — there's  '  Swing  Low,' 


io4  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

an'  '  Roll  Jordan,'  an'  '  Steal  Away,'  an' '  My 
Way's  Cloudy,' an'  'Get  on  Board,  Childuns,' 
an*  lots.  An'  you  can  sing  us  every  one  of 
'em." 

"An*  papa  takes  us  in  the  woods,  an' 
makesh  us  canes,"  said  Toddie. 

"Yes,"  said  Budge,  "and  where  there's 
new  houses  buildin',  he  takes  us  up  ladders." 

"  Has  he  any  way  of  putting  an  extension 
on  the  afternoon?"  I  asked. 

"  I  don't  know  what  that  is,"  said  Budge, 
"but  he  puts  an  India-rubber  blanket  on  the 
grass,  and  then  we  all  lie  down  an'  make 
b'lieve  we're  soldiers  asleep.  Only  some 
times  when  we  wake  up  papa  stays  asleep, 
an'  mama  won't  let  us  wake  him.  I  don't 
think  that's  a  very  nice  play." 

"  Well,  I  think  Bible  stories  are  nicer  than 
anything  else,  don't  you?" 

Budge  seemed  somewhat  in  doubt.  "  I 
think  swingin'  is  nicer,"  said  he — "oh,  no; — 
let's  get  some  jacks — /'//  tell  you  what! — 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  105 

make  us  whistles  an'  we  6m  blow  on  'em 
while  we're  goin'  to  get  the  jacks.  Toddie, 
dear,  wouldn't  you  like  jacks  and  whistles?" 

"  Yesh  —  an'  swingin'  —  an'  birch  —  an' 
wantsh  to  go  to  Hawksnesh  Rock,"  an 
swered  Toddie. 

"  Let's  have  Bible  stories  first,"  said  I. 
'The  Lord  mightn't  like  it  if  you  didn't 
learn  anything  good  to-day." 

"  Well,"  said  Budge,  with  the  regulation 
religious-matter-of-duty  face,  "  let's.  I  guess 
I  like  'bout  Joseph  best." 

"  Tell  us  'bout  Bliaff,"  suggested  Toddie. 

"Oh,  no,  Tod,"  remonstrated  Budge; 
"Joseph's  coat  was  just  as  bloody  as  Goli 
ath's  head  was."  Then  Budge  turned  to 
me  and  explained  that  "  all  Tod  likes  Goliath 
for  is  'cause  when  his  head  was  cut  off  it  was 
all  bloody."  And  then  Toddie — the  airy 
sprite  whom  his  mother  described  as  being 
irresistibly  drawn  to  whatever  was  beautiful 
-Toddie  glared  upon  me  as  a  butcher's 


io6  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

apprentice  might  stare  at  a  doomed  lamb, 
and  remarked:— 

"  Bliaff's  head  was  all  bluggy,  an'  David's 
sword  was  all  bluggy  —  bluggy  as  every- 
fing." 

I  hastily  breathed  a  small  prayer,  opened 
the  Bible,  turned  to  the  story  of  Joseph,  and 
audibly  condensed  it  as  I  read  :— 

"  Joseph  was  a  good  little  boy  whose  papa 
loved  him  very  dearly.  But  his  brothers 
didn't  like  him.  And  they  sold  him,  to  go 
to  Egypt.  And  he  was  very  smart,  and  told 
the  people  what  their  dreams  meant,  and  he 
got  to  be  a  great  man.  And  his  brothers 
went  to  Egypt  to  buy  corn,  and  Joseph  sold 
them  some,  and  then  he  let  them  know  who 
he  was.  And  he  sent  them  home  to  bring 
their  papa  to  Egypt,  and  then  they  all  lived 
there  together." 

"  That  ain't  it,"  remarked  Toddie,  with 
the  air  of  a  man  who  felt  himself  to  be  un 
justly  treated.  "  Is  it,  Budge  ? " 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  107 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Budge,  "  you  didn't  read  it 
good  a  bit;  /'//  tell  you  how  it  is.  Once 
there  was  a  little  boy  named  Joseph,  an'  he 
had  eleven  budders — they  was  awful  eleven 
budders.  An'  his  papa  gave  him  a  new  coat, 
an'  his  budders  hadn't  nothin'  but  their  old 
jackets  to  wear.  An'  one  day  he  was  car- 
ryin'  'em  their  dinner,  an'  they  put  him  in  a 
deep,  dark  hole,  but  they  didn't  put  his  nice 
new  coat  in — they  killed  a  kid,  an'  dipped 
the  coat — just  think  of  doin'  that  to  a  nice 
new  coat — they  dipped  it  in  the  kid's  blood, 
an'  made  it  all  bloody." 

"All  bluggy,"  echoed  Toddie,  with  fero 
cious  emphasis.  Budge  continued  :— 

"  But  there  were  some  Ishmalites  comin' 
along  that  way,  and  the  awful  eleven  budders 
took  him  out  of  the  deep  dark  hole,  an'  sold 
him  to  the  Ishmalites,  an'  they  sold  him 
away  down  in  Egypt.  An'  his  poor  old  papa 
cried,  an'  cried,  'cause  he  thought  a  big  lion 
ate  Joseph  up;  but  he  wasn't  ate  up  a  bit; 


io8  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

but  there  wasn't  no  post-office  nor  choo- 
choos,*  nor  stages  in  Egypt,  an'  there  wasn't 
any  telegraphs,  so  Joseph  couldn't  let  his 
papa  know  where  he  was;  an'  he  got  so 
smart  an'  so  good  that  the  king  of  Egypt  let 
him  sell  all  the  corn  an'  take  care  of  the 
money;  an'  one  day  some  men  came  to  buy 
some  corn,  an'  Joseph  looked  at  'em  an* 
there  they  was  his  own  budders!  An'  he 
scared  'em  like  everything;  /V/have  slapped 
'em  all  if  /Vbeen  Joseph,  but  he  just  scared 
'em,  an'  then  he  let  'em  know  who  he  was, 
an'  he  kissed  'em  an'  he  didn't  whip  'em.  or 
make  'em  go  without  their  breakfast,  or 
stand  in  a  corner,  nor  none  of  them  things; 
an'  then  he  sent  'em  back  for  their  papa,  an' 
when  he  saw  his  papa  comin',  he  ran  like 
everything,  and  gave  him  a  great  big  hug 
and  a  kiss.  Joseph  was  too  big  to  ask  his 
papa  if  he'd  brought  him  any  candy,  but  he 
was  awful  glad  to  see  him.  An'  the  king 
*  Railway  cars. 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  109 

gave  Joseph's  papa  a  nice  farm,  an'  they  all 
had  real  good  times  after  that." 

"And  they  dipped  the  coat  in  the  blood, 
an*  made  it  all  bluggy,"  reiterated  Toddie. 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "what  do  you 
think  my  papa  would  do  if  he  thought  I  was 
all  ate  up  by  a  lion?  I  guess  he'd  cry  awful, 
don't  you?  Now  tell  us  another  story — oh, 
/'//  tell  you— read  us  'bout " 

"  'Bout  Bliaff,"  interrupted  Toddie. 

"  You  tell  me  about  him,  Toddie,"  said  I. 

"  Why,"  said  Toddie,  "  Bliaff  was  a  brate 
bid  man,  an'  Dave  was  brate  little  man,  an' 
Bliaff  said,  '  Come  over  here'n  an'  I'll  eat 
you  up,'  an'  Dave  said,  '  /ain't  fyaid  of  you.' 
So  Dave  put  five  little  stones  in  a  sling  an' 
asked  de  Lord  to  help  him,  an'  let  ze  sling  go 
bang  into  bequeen  Bliaff's  eyes  an'  knocked 
him  down  dead,  an'  Dave  took  Bliaff's  sword 
an'  sworded  Bliaff's  head  off,  an'  made  it  all 
bluggy,  an'  Bliaff  runned  away."  This  short 
narration  was  accompanied  by  more  spirited 


no          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

and  unexpected  gestures  than  Mr.  Gough 
ever  puts  into  a  long  lecture. 

"I  don't  like  'bout  Goliath  at  all,"  re 
marked  Budge.  "  Pd  like  to  hear  'bout 
Ferus." 

"Who?" 

"  Ferus;  don't  you  know?" 

"  Never  heard  of  him,  Budge." 

"  Why  —  y  —  y  —  ! "  exclaimed  Budge ; 
"didn't  you  have  no  papa  when  you  was 
a  little  boy?" 

"  Yes,  but  he  never  told  me  about  any  one 
named  Ferus ;  there's  no  such  person  named 
in  Anthon's  Classical  Dictionary,  either. 
What  sort  of  a  man  was  he  ?" 

"  Why,  once  there  was  a  man,  an'  his  name 
was  Ferus — <9/~ferus,  an'  he  went  about  fight- 
in'  for  kings,  but  when  any  king  got  afraid  of 
anybody,  he  wouldn't  fight  for  him  no  more. 
An'  one  day  he  couldn't  find  no  kings  that 
wasn't  afraid  of  nobody.  An'  the  people 
told  him  the  Lord  was  the  biggest  king  in 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  in 

the  world,  an'  he  wasn't  afraid  of  nobody  or 
nothing.  An'  he  asked  'em  where  he  could 
find  the  Lord,  and  they  said  he  was  way  up 
in  heaven  so  nobody  couldn't  see  him  but  the 
angels,  but  he  liked  folks  to  work  for  him 
instead  of  fight.  So  Ferus  wanted  to  know 
what  kind  of  work  he  could  do,  an'  the  peo 
ple  said  there  was  a  river  not  far  off,  where 
there  wasn't  no  ferry-boats,  cos  the  water  run 
so  fast,  an'  they  guessed  if  he'd  carry  folks 
across,  the  Lord  would  like  it.  So  Ferus 
went  there,  an  he  cut  him  a  good,  strong 
cane,  an'  whenever  anybody  wanted  to  go 
across  the  river  he'd  carry  'em  on  his  back. 

"  One  night  he  was  sittin'  in  his  little 
house  by  the  fire,  and  smokin'  his  pipe  an' 
readin'  the  paper,  an'  'twas  rainin'  an'  blowin' 
an'  hailin'  an'  stormin',  an'  he  was  so  glad 
there  wasn't  anybody  wantin'  to  go  'cross  the 
river,  when  he  heard  somebody  call  out 
'  Ferus ! '  An'  he  looked  out  the  window, 
but  he  couldn't  see  nobody,  so  he  sat  down 


ii2  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

again.  Then  somebody  called  '  Ferus ! ' 
again,  and  he  opened  the  door  again,  an' 
there  was  a  little  bit  of  a  boy,  'bout  as  big  as 
Toddie.  An'  Ferus  said,  '  Hullo,  young  fel 
low,  does  your  mother  know  you're  out  ? ' 
An'  the  little  boy  said,  '  I  want  to  go  'cross 
the  river.'-  '  Well,'  says  Ferus,  '  you're  a 
mighty  little  fellow  to  be  travelin'  alone,  but 
hop  up.'  So  the  little  boy  jumped  up  on 
Ferus's  back,  and  Ferus  walked  into  the 
water.  Oh,  my — wasn't  it  cold?  An'  every 
step  he  took  that  little  boy  got  heavier,  so 
Ferus  nearly  tumbled  down  an'  they  liked 
to  both  got  drownded.  An'  when  they  got 
across  the  river  Ferus  said,  '  Well,  you  are 
the  heaviest  small  fry  I  ever  carried,'  an'  he 
turned  around  to  look  at  him,  an'  'twasn't  no 
little  boy  at  all — 'twas  a  big  man — 'twas 
Christ.  An'  Christ  said, '  Ferus,  I  heard  you 
was  tryin'  to  work  for  me,  so  I  thought  I'd 
come  down  an'  see  you,  an'  not  let  you  know 
who  I  was.  An'  now  you  shall  have  a  new 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  113 

name;  you  shall  be  called  C^rz^offerus, 
cos  that  means  Christ-carrier.'  An'  every 
body  called  him  Christofferus  after  that,  an' 
when  he  died  they  called  him  Saint  Christo 
pher,  cos  Saint  is  what  they  called  good  peo 
ple  when  they're  dead." 

Budge  himself  had  the  face  of  a  rapt  saint 
as  he  told  this  story,  but  my  contemplation 
of  his  countenance  was  suddenly  arrested  by 
Toddie,  who,  disapproving  of  the  unexciting 
nature  of  his  brother's  recital,  had  strayed 
into  the  garden,  investigated  a  hornet's  nest, 
been  stung,  and  set  up  a  piercing  shriek. 
He  ran  in  to  me,  and  as  I  hastily  picked  him 
up,  he  sobbed : — 

"  Want  to  be  wocked.*  Want  '  Toddie 
one  boy  day."1 

I  rocked  him  violently,  and  petted  him 
tenderly,  but  again  he  sobbed : — 

"  Want '  Toddie  one  boy  day.' " 

"  What  does  the  child  mean? "  I  exclaimed. 
*  Rocked. 


ii4          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  He  wants  you  to  sing  to  him  about 
'  Charley  boy  one  day,'"  said  Budge.  "He 
always  wants  mamma  to  sing  that  when  he's 
hurt,  an'  then  he  stops  crying." 

"  I  don't  know  it,"  said  I.  "  Won't  '  Roll, 
Jordan,'  do,  Toddie?" 

"/'//  tell  you  how  it  goes,"  said  Budge, 
and  forthwith  the  youth  sang  the  following 
song,  a  line  at  a  time,  I  following  him  in 
words  and  air: — 

"Where  is  my  little  bastik*  gone?" 

Said  Charley,  one  boy  day ; 
"I  guess  some  little  boy  or  girl 

Has  taken  it  away. 

"An'  kittie,  too — where  ish  she  gone? 

Oh  dear,  what  I  shall  do? 
I  wish  I  could  my  bastik  find, 
An'  little  kittie,  too. 

"I'll  go  to  mamma's  room  an'  look; 

Perhaps  she  may  be  there; 
For  kittie  likes  to  take  a  nap 
In  mamma's  easy  chair. 

*  Basket. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          115 

"O  mamma,  mamma,  come  an'  look? 

See  what  a  little  heap! 
Here's  kittle  in  the  bastik  here, 
All  cuddled  down  to  sleep." 

Where  the  applicability  of  this  poem  to  my 
nephew's  peculiar  trouble  appeared,  I  could 
not  see,  but  as  I  finished  it,  his  sobs  gave 
place  to  a  sigh  of  relief. 

"  Toddie,"  said  I,  "  do  you  love  your  Uncle 
Harry?" 

"  Esh,  I  do  love  you." 

"Then  tell  me  how  that  ridiculous  song 
comforts  you." 

"  Makes  me  feel  good,  an'  all  nicey,"  re 
plied  Toddie. 

"  Wouldn't  you  feel  just  as  good  if  I 
sang,  '  Plunged  in  a  gulf  of  dark  de 
spair'?" 

"  No,  don't  like  dokdishpairs;  if  a  dokdish- 
pair  done  anyfing  to  me,  I'd  knock  it  right 
down  dead." 

With  this  extremely  lucid  remark,  our  con- 


n6          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

versation  on  this  particular  subject  ended; 
but  I  wondered,  during  a  few  uneasy  mo 
ments,  whether  the  temporary  mental  aberra 
tion  which  had  once  afflicted  Helen's  grand 
father  and  mine  was  not  reappearing  in  this, 
his  youngest  descendant.  My  wondering 
was  cut  short  by  Budge,  who  remarked,  in  a 
confident  tone:— 

"  Now,  Uncle  Harry,  we'll  have  the  whis 
tles,  I  guess." 

I  acted  upon  the  suggestion,  and  led  the 
way  to  the  woods.  I  had  not  had  occasion 
to  seek  a  hickory  sapling  before  for  years; 
not  since  the  war,  in  fact,  when  I  learned 
how  hot  a  fire  small  hickory  sticks  would 
make.  I  had  not  sought  wood  for  whistles 
since — gracious,  nearly  a  quarter  of  a  century 
ago!  The  dissimilar  associations  called  up 
by  these  recollections  threatened  to  put  me 
in  a  frame  of  mind  which  might  have  result 
ed  in  a  bad  poem,  had  not  my  nephews  kept 
up  a  lively  succession  of  questions  such  as  no 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  117 

one  but  children  can  ask.  The  whistles  com 
pleted,  I  was  marched,  with  music,  to  the 
place  where  the  "  Jacks  "  grew.  It  was  just 
such  a  place  as  boys  instinctively  delight  in — 
low,  damp,  and  boggy,  with  a  brook  hiding 
treacherously  away  under  overhanging  ferns 
and  grasses.  The  children  knew  by  sight 
the  plant  which  bore  the  "  Jacks,"  and  every 
discovery  was  announced  by  a  piercing 
shriek  of  delight.  At  first  I  looked  hurriedly 
toward  the  brook  as  each  yell  clove  the  air; 
but,  as  I  became  accustomed  to  it,  my  atten 
tion  was  diverted  by  some  exquisite  ferns. 
Suddenly,  however,  a  succession  of  shrieks 
announced  that  something  was  wrong,  and 
across  a  large  fern  I  saw  a  small  face  in  a 
great  deal  of  agony.  Budge  was  hurrying  to 
the  relief  of  his  brother,  and  was  soon  as 
deeply  imbedded  as  Toddie  was  in  the  rich 
black  mud,  at  the  bottom  of  the  brook.  I 
dashed  to  the  rescue,  stood  astride  the  brook, 
and  offered  a  hand  to  each  boy,  when  a 


n8  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

treacherous  tuft  of  grass  gave  way,  and,  with 
a  glorious  splash,  I  went  in  myself.  This 
accident  turned  Toddie's  sorrow  to  laughter, 
but  I  can't  say  I  made  light  of  my  misfor 
tune  on  that  account.  To  fall  into  clean 
water  is  not  pleasant,  even  when  one  is  trout- 
fishing;  but  to  be  clad  in  white  pants,  and 
suddenly  drop  nearly  knee-deep  in  the  lap  of 
mother  Earth  is  quite  a  different  thing.  I 
hastily  picked  up  the  children,  and  threw 
them  upon  the  bank,  and  then  wrathfully 
strode  out  myself,  and  tried  to  shake  myself 
as  I  have  seen  a  Newfoundland  dog  do. 
The  shake  was  not  a  success — it  caused  my 
trouser-leg  to  flap  dismally  about  my  ankles, 
and  sent  the  streams  of  loathsome  ooze  trick 
ling  down  into  my  shoes.  My  hat,  of  drab 
felt,  had  fallen  off  by  the  brookside,  and  been 
plentifully  spattered  as  I  got  out.  I  looked 
at  my  youngest  nephew  with  speechless  in 
dignation.  . 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said    Budge,   "  'twas   real 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  119 

good  of  the  Lord  to  let  you  be  with  us,  else 
Toddie  might  have  been  drownded." 

"Yes,"  said  I,  "and  I  shouldn't  have 
much " 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,"  cried  Toddie,  running 
impetuously  toward  me,  pulling  me  down, 
and  patting  my  cheek  with  his  muddy  black 
hand,  "  I  loves  you  for  takin'  me  out  de 
water." 

"  I  accept  your  apology,"  said  I,  "but  let's 
hurry  home."  There  was  but  one  residence 
to  pass,  and  that,  thank  fortune,  was  so 
densely  screened  by  shrubbery  that  the  in 
mates  could  not  see  the  road.  To  be  sure, 
we  were  on  a  favorite  driving  road,  but  we 
could  reach  home  in  five  minutes,  and  we 
might  dodge  into  the  woods  if  we  heard  a 
carriage  coming.  Ha!  There  came  a  car 
riage  already,  and  we — was  there  ever  a  sor 
rier-looking  group?  There  were  ladies  in  the 
carriage,  too — could  it  be — of  course  it  was— 
did  the  evil  spirit,  which  guided  those  chil- 


120  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

dren  always,  send  an  attendant  for  Miss 
Mayton  before  he  began  operations  ?  There 
she  was,  anyway — cool,  neat,  dainty,  trying 
to  look  collected,  but  severely  flushed  by  the 
attempt.  It  was  of  no  use  to  drop  my  eyes, 
for  she  had  already  recognized  me;  so  I 
turned  to  her  a  face  which  I  think  must  have 
been  just  the  one — unless  more  defiant — that 
I  carried  into  two  or  three  cavalry  charges. 

"  You  seem  to  have  been  having  a  real 
good  time  together,"  said  she,  with  a  conven 
tional  smile,  as  the  carriage  passed.  "  Re 
member,  you're  all  going  to  call  on  me  to 
morrow  afternoon." 

Bless  the  girl !  Her  heart  was  as  quick 
as  her  eyes — almost  any  other  young  lady 
would  have  devoted  her  entire  energy  to 
laughing  on  such  an  occasion,  but  she  took 
her  earliest  opportunity  to  make  me  feel  at 
ease.  Such  a  royal-hearted  woman  deserves 
to — I  caught  myself  just  here,  with  my 
cheeks  growing  quite  hot  under  the  mud 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  121 

Toddie  had  put  on  them,  and  I  led  our  re 
treat  with  a  more  stylish  carriage  than  my 
appearance  could  possibly  have  warranted, 
and  then  I  consigned  my  nephews  to  the 
maid  with  very  much  the  air  of  an  officer 
turning  over  a  large  number  of  prisoners  he 
had  captured.  I  hastily  changed  my  soiled 
clothing  for  my  best — not  that  I  expected  to 
see  any  one,  but  because  of  a  sudden  in 
crease  in  the  degree  of  respect  I  felt  toward 
myself.  When  the  children  were  put  to  bed, 
and  I  had  no  one  but  my  thoughts  for  com 
panions,  I  spent  a  delightful  hour  or  two  in 
imagining  as  possible  some  changes  of  which 
I  had  never  dared  to  think  before. 

On  Monday  morning  I  was  in  the  garden 
at  sunrise.  Toddie  was  to  carry  his  expia 
tory  bouquet  to  Miss  Mayton  that  day,  and 
I  proposed  that  no  pains  should  be  spared  to 
make  his  atonement  as  handsome  as  possible. 
I  canvassed  carefully  every  border,  bed,  and 
detached  flowering  plant  until  I  had  as  accu- 


122  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

rate  an  idea  of  their  possibilities  as  if  I  had 
inventoried  the  flowers  in  pen  and  ink.  This 
done,  I  consulted  the  servant  as  to  the  un- 
soiled  clothing  of  my  nephews.  She  laid  out 
their  entire  wardrobe  for  my  inspection,  and 
after  a  rigid  examination  of  everything  I  se 
lected  the  suits  which  the  boys  were  to  wear 
in  the  afternoon.  Then  I  told  the  girl  that 
the  boys  were  going  with  me  after  dinner  to 
call  on  some  ladies,  and  that  I  desired  that 
she  should  wash  and  dress  them  carefully. 

"  Tell  me  just  what  time  you'll  start,  sir, 
and  I'll  begin  an  hour  beforehand,"  said  she- 
'  That's  the  only  way  to  be  sure  that  they 
don't  disgrace  you." 

For  breakfast  we  had,  among  other  things, 
some  stewed  oysters  served  in  soup-plates. 

"  O  Todd,"  shrieked  Budge,  "  there's  the 
turtle-plates  again — oh,  ain't  I  glad ! " 

"  Oo — ee — turtle  pyates,"  squealed  Toddie. 

"What  on  earth  do  you  mean,  boys?"  I 
demanded. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  123 

"/'//  show  you,"  said  Budge,  jumping 
down  from  his  chair  and  bringing  his  plate  of 
oysters  cautiously  toward  me.  "  Now  you 
just  put  your  head  down  underneath  my 
plate,  and  look  up,  and  you'll  see  a  turtle." 

For  a  moment  I  forgot  that  I  was  not  at  a 
restaurant,  and  I  took  the  plate,  held  it  up, 
and  examined  its  bottom. 

'  There ! "  said  Budge,  pointing  to  the 
trademark,  in  colors,  of  the  makers  of  the 
crockery,  "don't  you  see  the  turtle?" 

I  abruptly  ordered  Budge  to  his  seat,  un 
moved  even  by  Toddie's  remark,  that— 

"  Dey  ish  turtles,  but  dey  can't  knawl 
awound  like  udder  turtles." 

After  breakfast  I  devoted  a  great  deal  of 
fussy  attention  to  myself.  Never  did  my 
own  wardrobe  seem  so  meager  and  ill-assort 
ed;  never  did  I  cut  myself  so  many  times 
while  shaving;  never  did  I  use  such  unsatis 
factory  shoe-polish.  I  finally  gave  up  in 
despair  my  effort  to  appear  genteel,  and 


124  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

devoted  myself  to  the  bouquet.  I  cut  almost 
flowers  enough  to  dress  a  church,  and  then 
remorselessly  excluded  every  one  which  was 
in  the  least  particular  imperfect.  In  making 
the  bouquet  I  enjoyed  the  benefit  of  my 
nephews'  assistance  and  counsel  and  took 
enforced  part  in  conversation  which  flowers 
suggested. 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,"  said  Toddie,  "  ish  heav 
en  all  like  this,  wif  pretty  f'owers?  Cos  I 

don't  see  what  ze  angels  ever  turns  out  for  if 

>«  •   »» 
tis. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "  when  the 
leaves  all  go  up  and  down  and  wriggle 
around  so,  are  they  talking  to  the  wind? " 

"  I — I  guess  so,  old  fellow." 

"  Who  are  you  making  that  bouquet  for, 
Uncle  Harry?"  asked  Budge. 

"  For  a  lady — for  Miss  Mayton — that  lady 
that  saw  us  all  muddy  yesterday  afternoon," 
said  I. 

"  Oh,  I  like  her,"  said  Budge.    "  She  looks 


HELEN'S  BABIES.  125 

so  nice  and  pretty — just  like  a  cake — just  as 
if  she  was  good  to  eat — oh,  I  just  love  her, 
don't  you?" 

"  Well,  I  respect  her  very  highly,  Budge." 

"  'Spect  ?    What  does  'spect  mean  ? " 

"  Why,  it  means  that  I  think  she's  a  lady — 
a  real  pleasant  lady — just  the  nicest  sort  of 
lady  in  the  world — the  sort  of  person  I'd  like 
to  see  every  day,  and  like  to  see  her  better 
than  any  one  else." 

"  Oh,  why,  'spect  an'  love  means  just  the 
same  thing,  don't  they,  Uncle  Har 

"  Budge,"  I  exclaimed,  somewhat  hastily, 
"  run  ask  Maggie  for  a  piece  of  string- 
quick!" 

"  All  right,"  said  Budge,  moving  off,  "  but 
they  do,  don't  they? " 

At  two  o'clock  I  instructed  Maggie  to 
dress  my  nephews,  and  at  three  we  started  to 
make  our  call.  To  carry  Toddie's  bouquet, 
and  hold  a  hand  of  each  boy  so  as  to  keep 
them  from  darting  into  the  hedges  for  grass- 


126  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

hoppers,  and  the  gutters  for  butterflies,  was 
no  easy  work,  but  I  managed  to  do  it.  As 
we  approached  Mrs.  Clarkson's  boarding- 
house  I  felt  my  hat  was  over  one  ear,  and  my 
cravat  awry,  but  there  was  no  opportunity  to 
rearrange  them,  for  I  saw  Alice  May  ton  on 
the  piazza,  and  felt  that  she  saw  me.  Hand 
ing  the  bouquet  to  Toddie,  and  promising 
him  three  sticks  of  candy  if  he  would  be  care 
ful  and  not  drop  it,  we  entered  the  garden. 
The  moment  we  were  inside  the  hedge  and 
Toddie  saw  a  man  going  over  the  lawn  with 
a  lawn-mower,  he  shrieked :  "  Oh,  deresh  a 
cutter-grass ! "  and  dropped  the  bouquet  with 
the  carelessness  born  of  perfect  ecstasy.  I 
snatched  it  before  it  reached  the  ground, 
dragged  the  offending  youth  up  the  walk, 
saluted  Miss  Mayton,  and  told  Toddie  to 
give  the  bouquet  to  the  lady.  This  he  suc 
ceeded  in  doing,  but  as  Miss  Mayton 
thanked  him  and  stooped  to  kiss  him  he 
wriggled  off  the  piazza  like  a  little  eel, 


"TO  HOLD  A    HAND   OP    EACH   BOY   WAS  NO    EASY   WORK, 
BUT    I    MANAGED    TO    DO    IT." 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  127 

shouted,  "  Turn  on ! "  to  his  brother,  and  a 
moment  later  my  nephews  were  following 
the  "  cutter-grass  "  at  a  respectful  distance  in 
the  rear. 

"  Those  are  my  sister's  best  children  in  the 
world,  Miss  Mayton,"  said  I. 

"  Bless  the  little  darlings ! "  replied  the 
lady ;  "I  do  love  to  see  children  enjoying 
themselves." 

"So  do  I,"  said  I,  "when  I'm  not  responsi 
ble  for  their  well-being;  but  if  the  effort  I've 
expended  on  those  boys  had  been  directed 
toward  the  interests  of  my  employers,  those 
worthy  gentlemen  would  consider  me  invalu 
able." 

Miss  Mayton  made  some  witty  reply,  and 
we  settled  to  a  pleasant  chat  about  mutual 
acquaintances,  about  books,  pictures,  music, 
and  the  gossip  of  our  set.  I  would  cheerfully 
have  discussed  Herbert  Spencer's  system, 
the  Assyrian  Tablets,  or  any  other  dry  sub 
ject  with  Miss  Mayton,  and  felt  that  I  was 


128  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

richly  repaid  by  the  pleasure  of  seeing  her. 
Handsome,  intelligent,  composed,  tastefully 
dressed,  without  a  suspicion  of  the  flirt  or 
the  languid  woman  of  fashion  about  her,  she 
awakened  to  the  uttermost  every  admiring 
sentiment  and  every  manly  feeling.  But, 
alas,  my  enjoyment  was  probably  more  than 
I  deserved,  so  it  was  cut  short.  There  were 
other  ladies  boarding  at  Mrs.  Clarkson's,  and 
as  Miss  Mayton  truthfully  observed  at  our 
first  meeting,  men  were  very  scarce  at  Hill- 
crest.  So  the  ladies,  by  the  merest  accident, 
of  course,  happened  upon  the  piazza,  and 
each  one  was  presented  to  me,  and  common 
civility  made  it  impossible  for  me  to  speak  to 
Miss  Mayton  more  than  once  in  ten  min 
utes.  At  any  other  time  and  place  I  should 
have  found  the  meeting  of  so  many  ladies  a 
delightful  experience,  but  now— 

Suddenly  a  compound  shriek  arose  from 
the  lawn,  and  all  the  ladies  sprang  to  their 
feet.  I  followed  their  example,  setting  my 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  129 

teeth  firmly  and  viciously,  hoping  that  which 
ever  nephew  had  been  hurt  was  badly  hurt. 
We  saw  Toddie  running  towards  us  with  one 
hand  in  his  mouth,  while  Budge  ran  beside 
him,  exclaiming:— 

"  Poor  little  Toddie !  Don't  cry !  Does  it 
hurt  you  awful?  Never  mind — Uncle  Har 
ry '11  comfort  you.  Don't  cry,  Toddie  dfc-ar!  " 

Both  boys  reached  the  piazza  steps,  and 
clambered  up,  Budge  exclaiming: — 

"  O,  Uncle  Harry,  Toddie  put  his  fingers 
in  the  little  wheels  of  the  cutter-grass,  an'  it 
turned  just  the  least  little  biddie,  an'  it  hurt- 
ed  him." 

But  Toddie  ran  up  to  me,  clasped  my  legs, 
and  sobbed. 

"  Sing  '  Toddie  one  boy  day.' " 

My  blood  seemed  to  freeze.  I  could  have 
choked  that  dreadful  child,  suffering  though 
he  was.  I  stooped  over  him,  caressed  him, 
promised  him  candy,  took  out  my  watch  and 

gave  it  to  him  to  play  with,  but  he  returned 
9 


1 3o          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

to  his  original  demand.  A  lady — the  home 
liest  in  the  party — suggested  that  she  should 
bind  up  his  hand,  and  I  inwardly  blessed  her, 
but  he  reiterated  his  request  for  "  Toddie  one 
boy  day,"  and  sobbed  pitifully. 

"  What  does  he  mean?"  asked  Miss  May- 
ton. 

"  He  wants  Uncle  Harry  to  sing,  '  Charley 
boy  one  day,'  "  explained  Budge;  "he  always 
wants  that  song  when  he's  hurt  any  way." 

"  Oh,  do  sing  it  to  him,  Mr.  Burton,"  plead 
ed  Miss  Mayton;  and  all  the  other  ladies 
exclaimed,  "  Oh,  do!" 

I  wrathfully  picked  him  up  in  my  arms, 
and  hummed  the  air  of  the  detested  song. 

"  Sit  in  a  wockin'-chair,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

I  obeyed;  and  then  my  tormentor  re 
marked  : — 

"  You  don't  sing  the  wydes  (words), — I 
wants  the  wydes." 

I  sang  the  words  as  softly  as  possible  with 
my  lips  close  to  his  ear,  but  he  roared : — 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  131 

"Sing  louder." 

"  I  don't  know  any  more  of  it,  Toddie,"  I 
exclaimed  in  desperation. 

"Oh,  I'll  tell  it  all  to  you,  Uncle  Harry," 
said  Budge.  And  there,  before  that  audi 
ence,  and  her,  I  was  obliged  to  sing  that 
dreadful  doggerel,  line  for  line,  as  Budge  re 
peated  it.  My  teeth  were  set  tight,  my  brow 
grew  clammy,  and  I  gazed  upon  Toddie  with 
terrible  thoughts  in  my  mind.  No  one 
laughed — I  grew  so  desperate  that  a  titter 
would  have  given  relief.  At  last  I  heard 
some  one  whisper:— 

"  See  how  he  loves  him !  Poor  man ! — he's 
in  perfect  agony  over  the  little  fellow." 

Had  not  the  song  reached  its  natural  end 
just  then,  I  believe  I  should  have  tossed  my 
wounded  nephew  over  the  piazza  rail.  As  it 
was,  I  set  him  upon  his  feet,  announced  the 
necessity  of  our  departure,  and  began  to  take 
leave,  when  Miss  May  ton's  mother  insisted 
that  we  should  stay  to  dinner. 


132  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

"  For  myself,  I  should  be  delighted,  Mrs. 
Mayton,"  said  I ;  "  but  my  nephews  have 
hardly  learned  company  manners  yet.  I'm 
afraid  my  sister  wouldn't  forgive  me  if  she 
heard  I  had  taken  them  out  to  dinner." 

"  Oh,  I'll  take  care  of  the  little  dears,"  said 
Miss  Mayton;  "they'll  be  good  with  me,  I 
know? 

"  I  couldn't  be  so  unkind  as  to  let  you  try 
it,  Miss  Mayton,"  I  replied.  But  she  insist 
ed,  and  the  pleasure  of  submitting  to  her  will 
was  so  great  that  I  would  have  risked  even 
greater  mischief.  So  Miss  Mayton  sat  down 
to  dinner  with  Budge  upon  one  side  and 
Toddie  on  the  other,  while  I  was  fortunately 
placed  opposite,  from  which  position  I  could 
indulge  in  warning  winks  and  frowns.  The 
soup  was  served.  I  signaled  the  boys  to 
tuck  their  napkins  under  their  chins,  and 
then  turned  to  speak  to  the  lady  on  my  right. 
She  politely  inclined  her  head  toward  me, 
but  her  thoughts  seemed  elsewhere;  follow- 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  133 

ing  her  eyes,  I  beheld  my  youngest  nephew 
with  his  plate  upraised  in  both  hands,  his 
head  on  the  table-cloth,  and  his  eyes  turned 
painfully  upward.  I  dared  not  speak,  for 
fear  he  would  drop  the  plate.  Suddenly  he 
withdrew  his  head,  put  on  an  angelic  smile, 
tilted  his  plate  so  part  of  its  contents  sought 
refuge  in  the  fold  of  Miss  Mayton's  dainty, 
snowy  dress,  while  the  offender  screamed : — 

"  Oo — ee — ! — zha  turtle  on  my  pyate ! — 
Budgie,  zha  turtle  on  my  pyate ! " 

Budge  was  about  to  raise  the  plate  when 
he  caught  my  eye  and  desisted.  Poor  Miss 
Mayton  actually  looked  discomposed  for  the 
first  time  in  her  life,  so  far  as  I  knew  or 
could  imagine.  She  recovered  quickly,  how 
ever,  and  treated  that  wretched  boy  with  the 
most  Christian  forbearance  and  consideration 
during  the  remainder  of  the  meal.  When 
the  dessert  was  finished  she  quickly  excused 
herself,  while  I  removed  Toddie  to  a  seclud 
ed  corner  of  the  piazza,  and  favored  him  with 


i34          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

a  lecture  which  caused  him  to  howl  pitiful^ 
and  compelled  me  to  caress  him  and  undo  all 
the  good  which  my  rebukes  had  done. 
Then  he  and  Budge  removed  themselves  to 
the  lawn,  while  I  awaited  Miss  Mayton's  re 
appearance,  to  offer  an  apology  for  Toddie, 
and  to  make  our  adieus.  It  was  the  custom 
of  the  ladies  at  Mrs.  Clarkson's  to  stroll 
about  the  lovely  rural  walks  after  dinner  and 
until  twilight;  and  on  this  particular  evening 
they  departed  in  twos  and  threes,  leaving  me 
to  make  my  apology  without  witnesses.  I 
was  rather  sorry  they  went ;  it  was  not  pleas 
ant  to  feel  that  I  was  principally  responsible 
for  my  nephews'  blunder,  and  to  have  no  op 
portunity  to  allay  my  conscience-pangs  by 
conversation.  It  seemed  to  me  Miss  Mayton 
was  forever  in  appearing;  I  even -called  up 
my  nephews  to  have  some  one  to  talk  to. 

Suddenly  she  appeared,  and  in  an  instant  I 
fervently  blessed  Toddie  and  the  soup  which 
the  child  had  sent  upon  its  aimless  wander- 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  135 

ings.  I  would  rather  pay  the  price  of  a  fine 
dress  than  try  to  describe  Miss  Mayton's  at 
tire;  I  can  only  say  that  in  style,  color  and 
ornament  it  became  her  perfectly,  and  set  off 
the  beauties  of  a  face  which  I  had  never  be 
fore  thought  was  more  than  pleasing  and  in 
telligent.  Perhaps  the  anger  which  was  ex 
cusable  after  Toddie's  graceless  caper  had 
something  to  do  with  putting  unusual  color 
into  her  cheeks,  and  a  brighter  sparkle  than 
usual  in  her  eyes.  Whatever  was  the  cause, 
she  looked  queenly,  and  I  half  imagined  that 
I  detected  in  her  face  a  gleam  of  satisfaction 
at  the  involuntary  start  which  her  unex 
pected  appearance  caused  me  to  make.  She 
accepted  my  apology  for  Toddie  with  queen 
ly  gfaciousness,  and  then,  instead  of  propos 
ing  that  we  should  follow  the  other  ladies,  as 
a  moment  before  I  had  hoped  she  would,  she 
dropped  into  a  chair.  I  accepted  the  invita 
tion;  the  children  should  have  been  in  bed 
half  an  hour  before,  but  my  sense  of  respon- 


136          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

sibility  had  departed  when  Miss  Mayton 
appeared.  The  little  scamps  were  safe  until 
they  should  perform  some  new  and  unex 
pected  act  of  impishness.  They  retired  to 
one  end  of  the  piazza,  and  busied  themselves 
in  experiments  upon  a  large  Newfoundland 
dog,  while  I,  the  happiest  man  alive,  talked 
to  the  glorious  woman  before  me,  and  en 
joyed  the  spectacle  of  her  radiant  beauty. 
The  twilight  came  and  deepened,  but  imagi 
nation  prevented  the  vision  from  fading. 
With  the  coming  of  the  darkness  and  the 
starlight,  our  voices  unconsciously  dropped 
to  lower  tones,  and  her  voice  seemed  purest 
music.  And  yet  we  said  nothing  which  all 
the  world  might  not  have  listened  to  without 
suspecting  a  secret.  The  ladies  returned  in 
little  groups,  but  either  out  of  womanly  intui 
tion  or  in  answer  to  my  unspoken  but  fer 
vent  prayers,  passed  us  and  went  into  the 
house.  I  was  affected  by  an  odd  mixture  of 
desperate  courage  and  despicable  cowardice. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  137 

I  determined  to  tell  her  all,  yet  I  shrank 
from  the  task  with  more  terror  than  ever 
befell  me  in  the  first  steps  of  a  charge. 

Suddenly  a  small  shadow  came  from  be 
hind  us  and  stood  between  us,  and  the  voice 
of  Budge  remarked : — 

"  Uncle  Harry  'spects  you,  Miss  Mayton." 

"Suspects  me?  —  of  what,  pray?"  ex 
claimed  the  lady,  patting  my  nephew's  cheek. 

"  Budge ! "  said  I — I  feel  that  my  voice  rose 
nearly  to  a  scream—  "  Budge,  I  must  beg  of 
you  to  respect  the  sanctity  of  confidential 
communications." 

"What  is  it,  Budge?"  persisted  Miss  May- 
ton  ;  "  you  know  the  old  adage,  Mr.  Burton : 
'  Children  and  fools  speak  the  truth.'  Of 
what  does  he  suspect  me,  Budge?" 

Tain't    sus-spect    at    all,"    said    Budge, 
"  it's  es-spect." 

"Expect?"  echoed  Miss  Mayton. 

"  No,  not  'ex,'  it's  ^-spect.  I  know  all 
about  it,  'cause  I  asked  him.  Espect  is  what 


138  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

folks  do  when  they  think  you're  nice,  and 
like  to  talk  to  you,  and " 

"  Respect  is  what  the  boy  is  trying  to  say, 
Miss  Mayton,"  I  interrupted,  to  prevent  what 
I  feared  might  follow.  "  Budge  has  a  terrify 
ing  faculty  for  asking  questions,  and  the  re 
sult  of  some  of  them,  this  morning,  was  my 
endeavor  to  explain  to  him  the  nature  of  the 
respect  in  which  gentlemen  hold  ladies." 

"  Yes,"  continued  Budge,  "  I  know  all 
about  it.  Only  Uncle  Harry  don't  say  it 
right.  What  he  calls  espect  / calls  love" 

There  was  an  awkward  pause — it  seemed 
an  age.  Another  blunder,  and  all  on  ac 
count  of  those  dreadful  children.  I  could 
think  of  no  possible  way  to  turn  the  conver 
sation;  stranger  yet,  Miss  Mayton  could  not 
do  so  either.  Something  must  be  done — I 
could  at  least  be  honest,  come  what  would — 
I  would  be  honest. 

"Miss  Mayton,"  said  I,  hastily,  earnestly, 
but  in  a  very  low  tone,  "  Budge  is  a  marplot, 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  139 

but  he  is  a  truthful  interpreter  for  all  that. 
But  whatever  my  fate  may  be,  please  do  not 
suspect  me  of  falling  suddenly  into  love  for 
a  holiday's  diversion.  My  malady  is  of  some 
months'  standing.  I " 

"/  want  to  talk  some,"  observed  Budge. 
"  You  talk  all  the  whole  time.  I — I — when  / 
loves  anybody  I  kisses  them." 

Miss  Mayton  gave  a  little  start,  and  my 
thoughts  followed  each  other  with  unimag- 
ined  rapidity.  She  did  not  turn  the  conver 
sation — it  could  not  be  possible  that  she  could 
not.  She  was  not  angry,  or  she  would  have 
expressed  herself.  Could  it  be  that — 

I  bent  over  her  and  acted  upon  Budge's 
suggestion.  As  she  displayed  no  resent 
ment,  I  pressed  my  lips  a  second  time  to  her 
forehead,  then  she  raised  her  head  slightly, 
and  I  saw,  in  spite  of  darkness  and  shadows, 
that  Alice  Mayton  had  surrendered  at  discre 
tion.  Taking  her  hand  and  straightening 
myself  to  my  full  height,  I  offered  to  the 


140          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Lord  more  fervent  thanks  than  he  ever  heard 
from  me  in  church.  Then  I  heard  Budge 
say,  "  /  wants  to  kiss  you,  too,"  and  I  saw  my 
glorious  Alice  snatch  the  little  scamp  into 
her  arms,  and  treat  him  with  more  affection 
than  I  ever  imagined  was  in  her  nature. 
Then  she  seized  Toddie,  and  gave  him  a  few 
tokens  of  forgiveness — I  dare  not  think  they 
were  of  gratitude. 

Suddenly  two  or  three  ladies  came  upon 
the  piazza. 

"Come,  boys,"  said  I.  "Then  I'll  call 
with  the  carriage  to-morrow  at  three,  Miss 
Mayton.  Good  evening." 

"  Good  evening,"  replied  the  sweetest 
voice  in  the  world;  "  I'll  be  ready  at  three." 

"Budge,"  said  I,  as  soon  as  we  were 
fairly  outside  the  hedge-gate,  "what  do  you 
like  better  than  anything  else  in  the 
world?" 

"  Candy,"  said  Budge,  very  promptly. 

"What  next?" 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  141 

"  Oranges." 

"What  next?" 

"  Oh,  figs,  an'  raisins,  an'  dear  little  kittie- 
kitties,  an'  drums,  an'  picture-books,  an'  little 
bakin'  dishes  to  make  mud-pies  in,  an'  tur 
tles,  an'  little  wheelbarrows." 

"Anything  else?" 

"  Oh,  yes— great    big    black   dogs — an'   a 

goat,    an'  a  wagon    for    him    to    draw    me 

•    >» 
in. 

"  Very  well,  old  fellow — you  shall  have 
every  one  of  those  things  to-morrow." 

"  Oh— h— h— h— h ! "  exclaimed  Budge,  "  I 

guess  you're  something  like  the  Lord,  ain't 

•> " 
you: 

"  What  makes  you  think  so,  Budge? " 

"  Oh,  'cause  you  can  do  such  lots  of  things 
at  once.  But  ain't  poor  little  Tod  goin'  to 
have  nofrln'?" 

"  Yes,  everything  he  wants.  What  would 
you  like,  Toddie?" 

"  Wants  a  candy  «gar,"  replied  Toddie. 


142  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"What  else?" 

"  Don't  want  nuffin'  else — don't  want  to  be 
boddered  wif  lots  of  fings." 

The  thoughts  which  were  mine  that  night 
— the  sense  of  how  glorious  a  thing  it  is  to  be 
a  man  and  be  loved — the  humility  that  comes 
with  such  a  victory  as  I  had  gained — the 
rapid  alternation  of  happy  thoughts  and  no 
ble  resolutions — what  man  is  there  who  does 
not  know  my  whole  story  better  than  I  can 
tell  it?  I  put  my  nephews  to  bed;  I  told 
them  every  story  they  asked  for;  and  when 
Budge,  in  saying  his  prayers,  said,  "an'  bless 
that  nice  lady  that  Uncle  Harry  'spects,"  I 
interrupted  his  devotions  with  a  hearty  hug. 
The  children  had  been  awake  so  far  beyond 
their  usual  hour  for  retiring  that  they 
dropped  asleep  without  giving  any  special 
notice  of  their  intention  to  do  so.  Asleep, 
their  faces  were  simply  angelic.  As  I  stood, 
candle  in  hand,  gazing  gratefully  upon  them, 
I  remembered  a  sadly  neglected  duty.  I 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  143 

hurried  to  the  library  and  wrote  the  follow 
ing  to  my  sister: 

"  HILLCREST,  Monday  Night. 

"  DEAR  HELEN  : — I  should  have  written 
you  before  had  I  been  exactly  certain  what  to 
say  about  your  boys.  I  confess  that  until 
now  I  have  been  blind  to  some  of  their  vir 
tues,  and  have  imagined  I  detected  an  occa 
sional  fault.  But  the  scales  have  fallen  from 
my  eyes,  and  I  see  clearly  that  my  nephews 
are  angels — positively  angels.  If  I  seem  to 
speak  extravagantly,  I  beg  to  refer  you  to 
Alice  Mayton  for  collateral  evidence.  Don't 
come  home  at  all — everything  is  just  as  it 
should  be— even  if  you  come,  I  guess  I'll  in 
vite  myself  to  spend  the  rest  of  the  summer 
with  you;  I've  changed  my  mind  about  its 
being  a  bore  to  live  out  of  town  and  take 
trains  back  and  forth  every  day.  Ask  Tom 
to  think  over  such  bits  of  real  estate  in  your 
neighborhood  as  he  imagines  I  might  like. 

"  I  repeat  it,  the  boys  are  angels,  and  Alice 
Mayton  is  another,  while  the  happiest  man 
in  the  white  goods  trade  is 

"  Your  affectionate  brother 

"  HARRY." 


144          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Early  next  morning  I  sought  the  society  of 
my  nephews.  It  was  absolutely  necessary 
that  I  should  overflow  to  some  one — some 
one  who  was  sympathetic  and  innocent  and 
pure.  I  longed  for  my  sister — my  mother, 
but  to  some  one  I  must  talk  at  once.  Budge 
fulfilled  my  requirements  exactly;  he  was  an 
excellent  listener,  very  sympathetic  by  na 
ture,  and  quick  to  respond.  Not  the  wisdom 
of  the  most  reverend  sage  alive  could  have 
been  so  grateful  to  my  ear  as  that  child's 
prattle  was  on  that  delightful  morning.  As 
for  Toddie — blessed  be  the  law  of  compensa 
tion  !  his  faculty  of  repetition,  and  of  echoing 
whatever  he  heard  said,  caused  him  to  mur 
mur  "  Miff  Mayton,  Miff  Mayton,"  all  morn 
ing  long,  and  the  sound  gained  in  sweetness 
by  its  ceaseless  iteration.  To  be  sure,  Budge 
took  early  and  frequent  occasions  to  remind 
me  rof  my  promises  of  the  night  before,  and 
Toddie  occasionally  demanded  the  promised 
candy  cigar;  but  these  very  interruptions 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  145 

only  added  joy  to  my  own  topic  of  interest 
each  time  it  was  resumed.  The  filling  of 
Budge's  orders  occupied  two  or  three  hours 
and  all  the  vacant  space  in  the  carriage; 
even  then  the  goat  and  goat-carriage  were 
compelled  to  follow  behind. 

The  program  for  the  afternoon  was  ar 
ranged  to  the  satisfaction  of  every  one.  I 
gave  the  coachman,  Mike,  a  dollar  to  harness 
the  goat  and  teach  the  children  to  drive  him ; 
this  left  me  free  to  drive  off  without  being 
followed  by  two  small  figures  and  two  pitiful 
howls. 

I  always  believed  a  horse  was  infected  by 
the  spirit  of  his  driver.  My  dear  old  four- 
footed  military  companions  always  seemed  to 
perfectly  comprehend  my  desires  and  inten 
tions,  and  certainly  my  brother-in-law's 
horses  entered  into  my  own  spirits  on  this 
particular  afternoon.  They  stepped  proudly, 
they  arched  their  powerful  necks  hand 
somely,  their  feet  seemed  barely  to  touch  the 

10 


146  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

ground ;  yet  they  did  not  grow  restive  under 
the  bit,  nor  were  they  frightened  even  at  a 
hideous  steam  road-rolling  machine  which 
passed  us.  As  I  drove  up  to  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  door  I  found  that  most  of  the  boarders 
were  on  the  piazza — the  memories  of  ladies 
are  usually  good  at  times.  Alice  immedi 
ately  appeared,  composed  of  course,  but 
more  radiant  than  ever. 

"Why,  where  are  the  boys?"  she  ex 
claimed. 

"  I  was  afraid  they  might  annoy  your 
mother,"  I  replied,  "  so  I  left  them  behind." 

"  Oh,  mother  hardly  feels  well  enough  to 
go  to-day,"  said  she ;  "  she  is  lying  down." 

'  Then  we  can  pick  up  the  boys  on  the 
road,"  said  I,  for  which  remark,  my  enchan 
tress,  already  descending  the  steps,  gave  me 
a  look  which  the  ladies  behind  her  would 
have  given  their  best  switches  to  have  seen. 

We  drove  off  as  decorously  as  if  it  were 
Sunday  and  we  were  driving  to  church ;  we 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  147 

industriously  pointed  out  to  each  other  every 
handsome  garden  and  tasteful  residence  we 
passed;  we  met  other  people  driving,  and 
conversed  fluently  upon  their  horses,  car 
riages  and  dress.  But  when  we  reached  the 
edge  of  the  town,  and  I  turned  into  "  Happy 
Valley,"  a  road  following  the  depressions  and 
curves  of  a  long,  well- wooded  valley,  in  which 
there  was  not  a  single  straight  line,  I  turned 
and  looked  into  my  darling's  face.  Her 
eyes  met  mine,  and,  although  they  were  full 
of  a  happiness  which  I  had  never  seen  in 
them  before,  they  filled  with  tears,  and  their 
dear  owner  dropped  her  head  on  my  shoulder. 
What  we  said  on  that  long  drive  would  not 
interest  the  reader.  I  have  learned  by  expe 
rience  to  skip  all  love  talks  in  novels;  no 
matter  how  delightful  the  lovers  may  be. 
Recalling  now  our  conversation,  it  does  not 
seem  to  me  to  have  had  anything  wonderful 
in  it.  I  will  only  say  that  if  I  had  been  happy 
on  the  evening  before,  my  happiness  now 


148  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

seemed  to  be  sanctified ;  to  be  favored  with 
the  love  and  confidence  of  a  simple  girl 
scarcely  past  her  childhood  is  to  receive  a 
greater  honor  than  court  or  field  can  bestow; 
but  even  this  honor  is  far  surpassed  by  that 
which  comes  to  a  man  when  a  woman  of  rare 
intelligence,  tact  and  knowledge  of  society 
and  the  world,  unburdens  her  heart  of  all  its 
hopes  and  fears,  and  unhesitatingly  leaves 
her  destiny  to  be  shaped  by  his  love.  Women 
like  Alice  Mayton  do  not  thus  give  them 
selves  unreservedly  away  except  when  their 
trust  is  born  of  knowledge  as  well  as  affec 
tion,  and  the  realization  of  all  this  changed 
me  on  that  afternoon  from  whatever  I  had 
been  into  what  I  had  long  hoped  I  might  one 
day  be. 

But  the  hours  flew  rapidly,  and  I  reluc 
tantly  turned  the  horses'  heads  homeward. 
We  had  left  almost  the  whole  of  "  Happy 
Valley"  behind  us,  and  were  approaching 
residences  again. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  149 

"  Now  we  must  be  very  proper,"  said  Alice. 

"Certainly,"  I  replied,  "herd's  a  good-by  to 
happy  nonsense  for  this  afternoon." 

I  leaned  toward  her,  and  gently  placed  one 
arm'about  her  neck ;  she  raised  her  dear  face, 
from  which  joy  and  trust  had  banished  every 
indication  of  caution  and  reserve,  my  lips 
sought  hers,  when  suddenly  we  heard  a  most 
unearthly,  discordant  shriek,  which  presently 
separated  into  two,  each  of  which  prolonged 
itself  indefinitely.  The  horses  started,  and 
Alice — blessed  be  all  frights,  now,  hence 
forth,  and  forevermore ! — clung  tightly  to  me. 

The  sounds  seemed  to  be  approaching  us, 
and  were  accompanied  by  a  lively  rattling 
noise,  that  seemed  to  be  made  by  something 
wooden.  Suddenly,  as  we  approached  a 
bend  of  the  road,  I  saw  my  youngest  nephew 
appear  from  some  unknown  space,  describe  a 
parabolic  curve  in  the  air,  ricochet  slightly 
from  an  earthy  protuberance  in  the  road,  and 
make  a  final  stop  in  the  gutter.  At  the  same 


150          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

time,  there  appeared,  from  behind  the  bend, 
the  goat,  then  the  carriage  dragging  on  one 
side,  and  lastly,  the  boy  Budge,  grasping 
tightly  the  back  of  the  carriage  body,  and 
howling  frightfully.  A  direct  collision  be 
tween  the  carriage  and  a  stone  caused  Budge 
to  loose  his  hold,  while  the  goat,  after  taking 
in  the  scene,  trotted  leisurely  off,  and  disap 
peared  in  a  road  leading  to  the  house  of  his 
late  owner. 

"Budge,"  I  shouted,  "stop  that  bawling, 
and  come  here.  Where's  Mike?" 

"  He — boo — hoo — went  to — hoo — light  his 
—boo — hoo — hoo — pipe,  an'  I  just  let  the— 
boo — hoo — whip  go  against  to  the  goat,  an' 
then  he  scattooed." 

"  Nashty  old  goat  scaddooed,"  said  Toddie, 
in  corroboration. 

"  Well,  walk  right  home,  and  tell  Maggie 
to  wash  and  dress  you,"  said  I. 

"  O  Harry,"  pleaded  Alice,  "  after  they've 
been  in  such  danger!  Come  here  to  your 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  151 

own  Aunt  Alice,  Budgie  dear, — and  you,  too, 
Toddie, — you  know  you  said  we  could  pick 
the  boys  up  on  the  road,  Harry.  There, 
there — don't  cry — let  me  wipe  the  ugly  old 
dirt  off  you,  and  kiss  the  face,  and  make  it 
well." 

"Alice,"  I  protested,  "don't  let  those  dirty 
boys  clamber  all  over  you  in  that  way." 

"Silence,  sir,"  said  she,  with  mock  dignity; 
"  who  gave  me  my  lover,  I  should  like  to 
ask?" 

So  we  drove  up  to  the  boarding-house  with 
the  air  of  people  who  had  been  devoting 
themselves  to  a  couple  of  very  disreputable 
children,  and  I  drove  swiftly  away  again,  lest 
the  children  should  dispel  the  illusion.  We 
soon  met  Mike,  running.  The  moment  he 
recognized  us,  he  shouted : — 

"  Aye,  ye  little  dhivils, — beggin'  yer  par 
don,  Masther  Harry,  an'  thankin'  the  Howly 
Mither  that  their  good-for-nothin'  little  bones 
ain't  broke  to  bits.  Av  they  saw  a  hippypot- 


152          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

tymus  hitched  to  Pharaoh's  chariot,  they'd 
think  'emselves  jist  the  byes  to  take  the  boss- 
in'  av  it,  the  spalpeens." 

But  no  number  of  ordinary  hippopotami 
and  chariots  could  have  disturbed  the  heav 
enly  tranquillity  of  my  mind  on  this  most 
glorious  of  evenings.  Even  a  subtle  sense  of 
the  fitness  of  things  seemed  to  overshadow 
my  nephews.  Perhaps  the  touch  of  my  en 
chantress  did  it ;  perhaps  it  came  only  from 
the  natural  relapse  from  great  excitement; 
but  no  matter  what  the  reason  was,  the  fact 
remains  that  for  the  rest  of  the  evening  two 
very  dirty  suits  of  clothes  held  two  children 
who  gave  one  some  idea  of  how  the  denizens 
of  Paradise  might  seem  and  act.  They  even 
ate  their  suppers  without  indulging  in  any  of 
the  repulsive  ways  of  which  they  had  so  large 
an  assortment,  and  they  did  not  surrepti 
tiously  remove  from  the  table  any  fragments 
of  bread  and  butter  to  leave  on  the  piano,  in 
the  card-basket,  and  other  places  inappropri- 


HELEN'S    BABIES,  153 

ate  to  the  reception  of  such  varieties  of  aban 
doned  property.  They  demanded  a  song 
after  supper,  but  when  I  sang,  "  Drink  to  me 
only  with  Thine  Eyes,"  and  "  Thou,  Thou, 
Reign'st  in  this  Bosom,"  they  stood  by  with 
silent  tongues  and  appreciative  eyes.  When 
they  went  to  bed,  I  accompanied  them  by 
special  invitation,  but  they  showed  no  dispo 
sition  to  engage  in  the  usual  bedtime  frolic 
and  miniature  pandemonium.  Budge,  when 
in  bed,  closed  his  eyes,  folded  his  hand  and 
prayed  :— 

"  Dear  Lord,  bless  papa  an'  mamma,  an' 
Toddie,  an'  Uncle  Harry, an'  everybody  else; 
yes,  an'  bless  just  lots  that  lovely,  lovely  lady 
that  comforted  me  after  the  goat  was  bad  to 
me,  an'  let  her  comfort  me  lots  of  times,  for 
Christ's  sake,  Amen." 

And  Toddie  wriggled,  twisted,  breathed 
heavily,  threw  his  head  back,  and  prayed : 

"  Dee  Lord,  don't  let  dat  old  goat  fro  me 
into  de  gutter  on  my  head  aden,  an'  let 


i54  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Ocken  Hawwy  an'  ze  pitty  lady  be  dere  netst 
time  I  dest  hurted." 

Then  the  good-night  salutations  were  ex 
changed,  and  I  left  the  little  darlings  and  en 
joyed  communion  with  my  own  thoughts 
which  were  as  peaceful  and  ecstatic  as  if  the 
world  contained  no  white  goods  houses,  no 
doubtful  customers,  no  business  competition, 
no  politics,  gold  rooms,  stock-boards,  doubt 
ful  banks,  political  scandals,  personal  in 
iquity,  nor  anything  which  should  prevent  a 
short  vacation  from  lasting  through  a  long 
lifetime. 

The  next  morning  would  have  struck  ter 
ror  to  the  heart  of  any  one  but  a  newly  ac 
cepted  lover.  Rain  was  falling  fast,  and  in 
that  steady,  industrious  manner  which  seemed 
to  assert  an  intention  to  stick  closely  to  busi 
ness  for  the  whole  day.  The  sky  was  cov 
ered  by  one  impenetrable  leaden  cloud,  water 
stood  in  pools  in  the  streets  which  were  soft 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  155 

with  dust  a  few  hours  before ;  the  flowers  all 
hung  their  heads  like  vaga  ~mds  who  had 
been  awake  all  night  and  were  ashamed  to 
face  the  daylight.  Even  the  chickens  stood 
about  in  dejected  attitudes,  and  stray  roos 
ters  from  other  poultry-yards  found  refuge 
in  Tom's  coop  without  first  being  subjected 
to  a  trial  of  strength  and  skill  by  Tom's 
game-cock. 

But  no  man  in  my  condition  of  mind 
could  be  easily  depressed  by  bad  weather.  I 
would  rather  have  been  able  to  drive  about 
under  a  clear  sky,  or  lounge  under  the  trees, 
or  walk  to  the  post-office  in  the  afternoon 
by  the  road  which  passed  directly  in  front  of 
Mrs.  Clarkson's  boarding-house;  but  man 
should  not  live  for  himself  alone.  In  the 
room  next  mine  were  slumbering  two  wee 
people  to  whom  I  owed  a  great  deal,  who 
would  mourn  bitterly  when  they  saw  the  con 
dition  of  the  skies  and  ground — I  would  de 
vote  myself  to  the  task  of  making  them  so 


156  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

happy  that  they  would  forget  the  absence  of 
sunshine  out  '  doors — I  would  sit  by  their 
bedside  and  have  a  story  ready  for  them  the 
moment  they  awoke,  and  put  them  in  such  a 
good  humor  that  they  could  laugh,  with  me, 
at  cloud  and  rain. 

I  began  at  once  to  construct  a  story  for 
their  especial  benefit;  the  scene  was  to  be  a 
country  residence  on  a  rainy  day,  and  the 
actors  two  little  boys  who  should  become  up 
roariously  jolly  in  spite  of  the  weather. 
Like  most  people  not  used  to  story-making, 
my  progress  was  not  very  rapid;  in  fact,  I 
had  got  no  farther  than  the  plot  indicated 
above  when  an  angry  snarl  came  from  the 
children's  room. 

"What's  the  matter,  Budge?"  I  shouted, 
dressing  myself  as  rapidly  as  possible. 

"  Ovv — oo— ya — ng — um— boc —  gaa,"  was 
the  somewhat  complicated  response. 

"What  did  you  say,  Budge?" 

"  Didn't  say  noffin'." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          157 

"  Oh— that's  what  I  thought." 
"  Didn't  thought." 
"  Budge, — Budge, — be  good." 
"  Don't  want  to  be  good — ya — A — A." 
"  Let's  have  some  fun,  Budge — don't  you 
want  to  frolic?" 

"  No;  I  don't  think  frolic  is  nice." 
"  Don't  you  want  some  candy,  Budge? " 
"  No — you  ain't  got  no  candy,  I  bleeve." 
"  Well,  you  shan't  have  any  it  you  don't 
stop  being  so  cross." 

The  only  reply  to  this  was  a  mighty  and 
audible  rustling  of  the  bedding  in  the  boys' 
room,  followed  by  a  sound  strongly  resem 
bling  that  caused  by  a  slap;  then  came  a 
prolonged  wail,  resembling  that  of  an  un- 
greased  wagon-wheel. 

"What's  the  matter,  Toddie?" 
"  Budge  s'apped  me — ah — h — h — h ! " 
"  What    made    you    slap    your    brother, 
Budge?" 
"  I  didn't? 


158  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  You  did"  screamed  Toddie. 

"  I  tell  you  I  didn't — you're  a  naughty, 
bad  boy  to  tell  such  lies,  Toddie." 

"  What  didyoM  do,  Budge? "  I  asked. 

"Why — why — I  was — I  was  turnin'  over 
in  bed,  an'  my  hand  was  out,  and  it  tum 
bled  against  to  Toddie — that's  what." 

By  this  time  I  was  dressed  and  in  the 
boys'  room.  Both  my  nephews  were  sitting 
up  in  bed,  Budge  looking  as  sullen  as  an  old 
jail-bird,  and  Toddie  with  tears  streaming  all 
over  his  face. 

"  Boys,"  said  I,  "don't  be  angry  with  each 
other— it  isn't  right.  What  do  you  suppose 
the  Lord  thinks  when  he  sees  you  so  cross 
to  each  other? " 

"He  don't  think  noffin',"  said  Budge; 
"you  don't  think  he  can  look  through  a 
black  sky  like  that,  do  you? " 

"  He  can  look  anywhere,  Budge,  and  he 
feels  very  unhappy  when  he  sees  little  broth 
ers  angry  with  each  other." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  159 

"Well,  I  feel  unhappy,  too — I  wish  there 
wasn't  never  no  old  rain,  nor  nothin'." 

"  Then  what  would  the  plants  and  flowers 
do  for  a  drink,  and  where  would  the  rivers 
come  from  for  you  to  go  sailing  on? " 

"An'  wawtoo  to  mate  mud-pies,"  added 
Toddie.  "You's  a  naughty  boy,  Budgie;" 
and  here  Toddie's  tears  began  to  flow  afresh. 

"  I  ain't  a  bad  boy,  an'  I  don't  want  no  old 
rain  nohow,  an'  that's  all  about  it.  An'  I 
don't  want  to  get  up,  an'  Maggie  must  bring 
me  up  my  breakfast  in  bed." 

"  Boo — hoo — oo,"  wept  Toddie,  "  wants  my 
brepspup  in  bed  too." 

"  Boys,"  said  I,  "  now  listen.  You  can't 
have  any  breakfast  at  all  unless  you  are  up 
and  dressed  by  the  time  the  bell  rings.  The 
rising  bell  rang  some  time  ago.  Now  dress 
like  good  boys,  and  you  shall  have  some 
breakfast,  and  then  you'll  feel  a  great  deal 
nicer,  and  then  Uncle  Harry  will  play  with 
you  and  tell  you  stories  all  day  long." 


160  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Budge  crept  reluctantly  out  of  bed  and 
caught  up  one  of  his  stockings,  while  Tod- 
die  again  began  to  cry. 

'Toddie,"  I  shouted,  "stop  that  dreadful 
racket,  and  dress  yourself.  What  are  you 
crying  for?  " 

"Well,  Ifeelshbad." 

"  Well,  dress  yourself,  and  you'll  feel  bet- 

ii 

ter. 

"  Wantsh  you  to  djesh  me." 

"  Bring  me  your  clothes,  then — quick ! " 

Again  the  tears  flowed  copiously.  "  Don't 
want  to  bring  'em,"  said  Toddie. 

'Then  come  here!"  I  shouted,  dragging 
him  across  the  room,  and  snatching  up  his 
tiny  articles  of  apparel.  I  had  dressed  no 
small  children  since  I  was  rather  a  small  boy 
myself,  and  Toddie's  clothing  confused  me 
somewhat.  I  finally  got  -omething  on  him, 
when  a  contemptuous  laugh  from  Budge  in 
terrupted  me. 

"  How    you    goin'    to    put    his    shirt    on 


"HOW  YOU   COIN'  TO    PUT    HIS   SHIRT   ON   UNDER    THEM 
THINGS*" 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  161 

under  them  things?"  queried  my  oldest 
nephew. 

"  Budge,"  I  retorted,  "  how  are  you 
going  to  get  any  breakfast  if  you  don't 
put  on  something  besides  that  stock 
ing?" 

The  young  man's  countenance  fell,  and 
just  then  the  breakfast  bell  rang.  Budge 
raised  a  blank  face,  hurried  to  the  head  of 
the  stairs  and  shouted : — 

"Maggie?" 

"What  is  it,  Budge?" 

"Was — was  that  the  rising-bell  or  the 
breakfast-bell  ? " 

;  'Twas  the  breakfast-bell." 

There  was  dead  silence  for  a  moment,  and 
then  Budge  shouted : — 

"  Well,  we'll  call  that  the  risin'-bell.  You 
can  ring  another  bell  for  breakfast  pretty 
soon  when  I  get  dressed."  Then  this  vol 
unteer  adjuster  of  household  affairs  came 

calmly    back    and    commenced    dressing  in 
ii 


1 62  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

good  earnest,  while  I  labored  along  with 
Toddie's  wardrobe. 

"Where's  the  button-hook,  Budge?" 
said  I. 

"  It's — I — oh — um — I  put  it — say,  Tod, 
what  did  you  do  with  the  button-hook  yes 
terday?  " 

"  Didn't  hazh  no  button-hook,"  asserted 
Toddie. 

"Yes,  you  did;  don't  you  remember  how 
we  was  a  playin'  draw  teef,  an'  the  doctor's 
dog  had  the  toofache,  and  I  was  pullin'  his 
teef  with  the  button-hook,  an'  you  was  my 
little  boy,  an'  I  gived  the  toof-puller  to 
you  to  hold  for  me?  Where  did  you 
put  it?" 

"7V  no,"  replied  Toddie,  putting  his  hand 
in  his  pocket  and  bringing  out  a  sickly-look 
ing  toad. 

"  Feel  again,"  said  I,  throwing  the  toad 
out  the  window,  where  it  was  followed  by  an 
agonizing  shriek  from  Toddie.  Again  he 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  163 

felt,  and  his  search  was  rewarded  by  the 
tension  screw  of  Helen's  sewing-machine. 
Then  I  attempted  some  research  myself, 
and  speedily  found  my  fingers  adhering  to 
something  of  a  sticky  consistency.  I  quickly 
withdrew  my  hand,  exclaiming: — 

"  What  nasty  stuff  have  you  got  in  your 
pocket,  Toddie?" 

"  'Taint  nashty  '  tuff — it's  byead  an'  'lasses, 
an'  its  nice,  an'  Budge  an'  me  hazh  little  tea- 
parties  in  de  kicken-coop,  an'  we  eats  it,  an' 
it's  doveiyT 

All  this  was  lucid  and  disgusting,  but  ut 
terly  unproductive  of  button-hooks,  and 
meanwhile  the  breakfast  was  growing  cold. 
I  succeeded  in  buttoning  Toddie's  shoes 
with  my  fingers,  splitting  most  of  my  nails 
in  the  operation.  I  had  been  too  busily  en 
gaged  with  Toddie  to  pay  any  attention  to 
Budge,  who  I  now  found  about  half  dressed 
and  trying  to  catch  flies  on  the  window- 
pane.  Snatching  Toddie,  I  started  for  the 


1 64  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

1  • 

dining-room,  when  Budge  remarked  reprov 
ingly:— 

"  Uncle  Harry,  you  wasn't  dressed  when 
the  bell  rang,  and  you  oughtn't  to  have  any 
breakfast." 

True  enough — I  was  minus  collar,  cravat, 
and  coat.  Hurrying  these  on,  and  starting 
again,  I  was  once  more  arrested  :— 

"  Uncle  Harry,  must  I  brush  my  teeth  this 
morning?" 

"  No — hurry  up — come  down  without  do 
ing  anything  more,  if  you  like,  but  come— 
it'll  be  dinner-time  before  we  get  breakfast." 

Then  that  imp  was  moved,  for  the  first 
time  that  morning,  to  something  like  good 
nature,  and  be  exclaimed  with  a  giggle  :— 

"My!  What  big  stomachs  we'd  have 
when  we  got  done,  wouldn't  we?" 

At  the  breakfast  table  Toddie  wept  again, 
because  I  insisted  on  beginning  operations 
before  Budge  came.  Then  neither  boys 
knew  exactly  what  he  wanted.  Then  Budge 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  165 

managed  to  upset  the  contents  of  his  plate 
into  his  lap,  and  while  I  was  helping  him 
clear  away  the  debris,  Toddie  improved  the 
opportunity  to  pour  his  milk  upon  his  fish, 
and  put  several  spoonfuls  of  oatmeal  por 
ridge  into  my  coffee-cup.  I  made  an  early 
excuse  to  leave  the  table  and  turn  the  chil 
dren  over  to  Maggie.  I  felt  as  tired  as  if  I 
had  done  a  hard  day's  work,  and  was  some 
what  appalled  at  realizing  that  the  day  had 
barely  begun.  I  lit  a  cigar  and  sat  down  to 
Helen's  piano.  I  am  not  a  musician,  but 
even  the  chords  of  a  hand-organ  would  have 
seemed  sweet  music  to  me  on  that  morning. 
The  music-book  nearest  to  my  hand  was  a 
church  hymn-book,  and  the  first  air  my  eye 
struck  was  "  Greenville."  I  lived  once  in  a 
town,  where,  on  a  single  day,  a  pedler  dis 
posed  of  thirty-eight  accordeons,  each  with 
an  instruction-book  in  which  this  same  air, 
under  its  original  name,  was  the  only  air. 
For  years  after,  a  single  bar  of  this  air  awak- 


1 66  HELEN'S    BABIES 

ened  the  most  melancholy  reflections  in  my 
mind,  but  now  I  forgave  all  my  musical  tor 
mentors  as  the  familiar  strains  came  com 
fortingly  from  the  piano-keys.  But  suddenly 
I  heard  an  accompaniment — a  sort  of  reedy 
sound — and,  looking  around,  I  saw  Toddie 
again  in  tears.  I  stopped  abruptly  and 
asked : — 

"What's  the  matter  now,  Toddie?" 

"  Don't  want  dat  old  tune;  wantsh  dancin' 
tune,  so  I  can  dance." 

I  promptly  played  "  Yankee  Doodle,"  and 
Toddie  began  to  trot  around  the  room  with 
the  expression  of  a  man  who  intended  to  do 
his  whole  duty.  Then  Budge  appeared,  hug 
ging  a  bound  volume  of  "  St.  Nicholas." 
The  moment  Toddie  espied  this  he  stopped 
dancing  and  devoted  himself  anew  to  the 
task  of  weeping. 

1  Toddie,"  I  shouted,  springing  from  the 
piano-stool,  "  what  do  you  mean  by  crying 
at  everything?  I  shall  have  to  put  you 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  167 

to  bed  again,  if  you're  going  to  be  such 
a  baby." 

'  That's  the  way  he  always  does,  rainy 
days,"  explained  Budge. 

"Wantsh  to  see  the  whay-al  what  fwol- 
lowed  Djonah,"  sobbed  Toddie. 

"Can't  you  demand  something  that's 
within  the  range  of  possibility,  Toddie  ? "  I 
mildly  asked. 

"  The  whale  Toddie  means  is  in  this  big 
red  book, — I'll  find  it  for  you,"  said  Budge, 
turning  over  the  leaves. 

Suddenly  a  rejoicing  squeal  from  Toddie 
announced  that  leviathan  had  been  found, 
and  I  hastened  to  gaze.  He  was  certainly 
a  dreadful-looking  animal,  but  he  had  an 
enormous  mouth,  which  Toddie  caressed 
with  his  pudgy  little  hand,  and  kissed  with 
tenderness,  murmuring  as  he  did  so:— 

"Dee  old  whay-al,  I  loves  you.  Is  Jonah 
all  goneded  out  of  you  'tomach,  whay-al?  I 
finks  'twas  weal  mean  in  Djonah  to  get 


1 68  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

freed  up  when  you  hadn't  noffin'  else  to  eat, 
poor  old  whay-al." 

"  Of  course  Jonah's  gone,"  said  Budge, 
"he  went  to  heaven  long  ago — pretty  soon 
after  he  went  to  Nineveh  an'  done  what  the 
Lord  told  him  to  do.  Now  swing  us,  Uncle 
Harry." 

The  swing  was  on  the  piazza  under  cover 
from  the  rain;  so  I  obeyed.  Both  boys 
fought  for  the  right  to  swing  first,  and  when 
I  decided  in  favor  of  Budge,  Toddie  went 
off  weeping,  and  declaring  that  he  would 
look  at  his  dear  whay-al  anyhow.  A  mo 
ment  later  his  wail  changed  to  a  piercing 
shriek;  and  running  to  his  assistance,  I  saw 
him  holding  one  finger  tenderly  and  tram 
pling  on  a  wasp. 

"What's  the  matter,  Toddie?" 

"  Oo — oo — ee — ee — ee — ee — I  putted  my 
finger  on  a  waps,  and — oo — oo — the  nasty 
waps — oo — bited  me.  An'  I  don't  like  wap- 
ses  a  bit,  but  I  likes  whayals — oo — ee — ee." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  169 

A  happy  thought  struck  me.  "  Why  don't 
you  boys  make  believe  that  big  packing-box 
in  your  play-room  is  a  whale? "  said  I. 

A  compound  shriek  of  delight  followed  the 
suggestion,  and  both  boys  scrambled  up 
stairs,  leaving  me  a  free  man  again.  I 
looked  remorsefully  at  the  tableful  of  books 
which  I  had  brought  to  read,  and  had  not 
looked  at  for  a  week.  Even  now  my  re 
morse  did  not  move  me  to  open  them — I 
found  myself  instead  attracted  toward  Tom's 
library,  and  conning  the  titles  of  novels  and 
volumes  of  poems.  My  eye  was  caught  by 
"  Initial," — a  love-story  which  I  had  always 
avoided  because  I  had  heard  impressible 
young  ladies  rave  about  it;  but  now  I  picked 
it  up  and  dropped  into  an  easy  chair.  Sud 
denly  I  heard  Mike  the  coachman  shouting:— 

"Go  away  from  there,  will  ye?  Ah,  ye  lit 
tle  spalpeen,  it's  good  for  ye  that  yer  fahder 
don't  see  ye  perched  up  dhere.  Go  way 
from  dhat,  or  I'll  be  tellin'  yer  uncle." 


170          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

"  Don't  care  for  nasty  old  uncle,"  piped 
Toddie's  voice. 

I  laid  down  my  book  with  a  sigh,  and 
went  into  the  garden.  Mike  saw  me  and 
shouted: — 

"  Misther  Burthon,  will  ye  look  dhere? 
Did  ye's  ever  see  the  loike  av  dhat  bye  ? " 

Looking  up  at  the  play-room  window,  a 
long,  narrow  sort  of  loop-hole  in  a  Gothic 
gable,  I  beheld  my  youngest  nephew  stand 
ing  upright  on  the  sill. 

'  Toddie,  go  in — quick ! "  I  shouted,  hurry 
ing  under  the  window  to  catch  him  in  case 
he  fell  outward. 

"  I  tan't,"  squealed  Toddie. 

"  Mike,  run  up-stairs  and  snatch  him  in ; 
Toddie,  go  on,  I  tell  you ! " 

"  Tell  you  I  tarit  doe  in,"  repeated  Tod 
die.  "  Ze  bit  bots  ish  ze  whay-al,  an'  Fez 
Djonah,  an'  ze  whay-al's  froed  me  up,  an' 
I'ze  dot  to  'tay  up  here  else  ze  whay-al  'ill 
fwallow  me  aden." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  171 

"  I  won't  let  him  swallow  you.  Get  in 
now— hurry,"  said  I. 

"  Will  you  give  him  a  penny  not  to  fwal- 
low  me  no  more  ? "  queried  Toddie. 

"  Yes — a  whole  lot  of  pennies." 

"Aw  wight.  Whay-al,  don't  you  fwallow 
me  no  more,  an'  zen  my  Ocken  Hawwy  div 
you  whole  lots  of  pennies.  You  must  be  weal 
dood  whay-al  now,  an'  then  I  buys  you  some 
tandy  wif  your  pennies,  an'  - 

Just  then  two  great  hands  seized  Toddie's 
frock  in  front,  and  he  disappeared  with  a 
howl,  while  I,  with  the  first  feeling  of  faint- 
ness  I  had  ever  experienced,  went  in  search 
of  hammer,  nails,  and  some  strips  of  board, 
to  nail  on  the  outside  of  the  window-frame. 
But  boards  could  not  be  found,  so  I  went 
up  to  the  play-room  and  began  to  knock  a 
piece  or  two  off  the  box  which  had  done 
duty  as  whale.  A  pitiful  scream  from  Tod- 
die  caused  me  to  stop. 

"You're  hurtin'  my  dee  old  whay-al;  you's 


172  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

brakin'  his  'tomach  all  open — you's  a  baddy 
man — 'top  hurtin'  my  whay-al,  ee — ee — ee," 
cried  my  nephew. 

"I'm  not  hurting  him,  Toddie,"  said  I; 
"  I'm  making  his  mouth  bigger,  so  he  can 
swallow  you  easier." 

A  bright  thought  came  into  Toddie's  face 
and  shone  through  his  tears.  '  Then  he 
can  f wallow  Budgie  too,  an'  there'l  be  two 
Djonahs — ha — ha — ha!  Make  his  mouf  so 
big  he  can  fwallow  Mike,  an'  zen  mate  it  'ittle 
aden,  so  Mike  tan'  det  out ;  nashty  old  Mike ! " 

I  explained  that  Mike  would  not  come  up 
stairs  again,  so  I  was  permitted  to  depart 
after  securing  the  window. 

Again  I  settled  myself  with  book  and 
cigar;  there  was  at  least  for  me  the  extra 
enjoyment  that  comes  from  the  sense  of 
pleasure  earned  by  honest  toil.  Pretty  soon 
Budge  entered  the  room.  I  affected  not 
to  notice  him,  but  he  was  not  in  the  least 
abashed  by  my  neglect. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  173 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  he,  throwing  himself 
in  my  lap  between  my  book  and  me,  "  I 
don't  feel  a  bit  nice." 

"What's  the  matter,  old  fellow?"  I  asked. 
Until  he  spoke  I  could  have  boxed  his  ears 
with  great  satisfaction  to  myself;  but  there 
is  so  much  genuine  feeling  in  whatever 
Budge  says  that  he  commands  respect. 

"  Oh,  I'm  tired  of  playin'  with  Toddie,  an' 
I  feel  lonesome.  Won't  you  tell  me  a 
story?" 

"  Then  what'll  poor  Toddie  do,  Budge  ? " 

"Oh,  he  won't  mind — he's  got  a  dead 
mouse  to  be  Jonah  now,  so  I  don't  have  no 
fun  at  all.  Won't  you  tell  me  a  story?  " 

"Which  one?" 

"  Tell  me  one  that  I  never  heard  before  at 
all." 

"  Well,  let's  see;  I  guess  I'll  tell " 

"  Ah — ah — ah— ah — ee— ee — ee,"  sounded 
afar  off,  but  fatefully.  It  came  nearer — it 
came  down  the  stairway  and  into  the  library, 


174          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

accompanied  by  Toddie,  who,  on  spying  me, 
dropped  his  inarticulate  utterance,  held  up 
both  hands,  and  exclaimed  :— 

"  Djonah  bwoke  he  tay-al !  " 

True  enough;  in  one  hand  Toddie  held 
the  body  of  a  mouse,  and  in  the  other  that 
animal's  caudal  appendage;  there  was  also 
perceptible,  though  not  by  the  sense  of 
sight,  an  objectionable  odor  in  the  room. 

'Toddie,"  said  I,  "go  throw  Jonah  into 
the  chicken-coop,  and  I'll  give  you  some 
candy." 

"Me  too,"  shouted  Budge,  "cos  I  found 
the  mouse  for  him." 

I  made  both  boys  happy  with  candy,  ex 
acted  a  pledge  not  to  go  out  in  the  rain,  and 
then,  turning  them  loose  on  the  piazza,  re 
turned  to  my  book.  I  had  read  perhaps  half- 
a-dozen  page$  when  there  arose  and  swelled 
rapidly  in  volume  a  scream  from  Toddie. 
Madly  determined  to  put  both  boys  into 
chairs,  tie  them  and  clap  adhesive  plaster 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          175 

over  their  mouths,  I  rushed  out  upon  the 
piazza. 

"  Budgie  tried  to  eat  my  candy,"  com 
plained  Toddie. 

"  I  didn't,"  said  Budge. 

"  What  did  you  do  ? "  I  demanded. 

"  I  didn't  bite  it  at  all — I  only  wanted  to 
see  how  it  would  feel  between  my  teeth — 
that's  all." 

I  felt  the  corners  of  my  mouth  breaking 
down,  and  hurried  back  to  the  library,  where 
I  spent  a  quiet  quarter  of  an  hour  in  ponder 
ing  over  the  demoralizing  influence  exerted 
upon  principle  by  a  sense  of  the  ludicrous. 
For  some  time  afterward  the  boys  got  along 
without  doing  anything  worse  than  make  a 
dreadful  noise,  which  caused  me  to  resolve 
to  find  some  method  of  deadening  piazza- 
floors  if  /  ever  owned  a  house  in  the  coun 
try.  In  the  occasional  intervals  of  compara 
tive  quiet  I  caught  snatches  of  very  funny 
conversation.  The  boys  had  coined  a  great 


176  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

many  words  whose  meaning  was  evident 
enough,  but  I  wondered  greatly  why  Tom 
and  Helen  had  never  taught  them  the  proper 
substitutes. 

Among  others  was  the  word  "deader," 
whose  meaning  I  could  not  imagine.  Budge 
shouted : — 

"  O  Tod ;  there  comes  a  deader.  See 
where  all  them  things  like  rooster's  tails  are 
a-shakin'? — Well,  there's  a  deader  under 
them." 

"  Datsh  funny,"  remarked  Toddie. 

"  An'  see  all  the  peoples  a-comin'  along," 
continued  Budge,  "  they  know  'bout  the 
deader,  an'  they're  goin'  to  see  it  fixed. 
Here  it  comes.  Hello,  deader! " 

"  Hay-oh,  deader,"  echoed  Toddie. 

What  could  deader  mean  ? 

"  Oh,  here  it  is  right  in  front  of  us,"  cried 
Budge,  "  and  aint  there  lots  of  people  ?  An' 
two  horses  to  pull  the  deader— some  deaders 
has  only  one." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          177 

My  curiosity  was  too  much  for  my  weari 
ness  ;  I  went  to  the  front  window,  and,  peer 
ing  through,  saw — a  funeral  procession!  In 
a  second  I  was  on  the  piazza.,  with  my  hands 
on  the  children's  collars ;  a  second  later  two 
small  boys  were  on  the  floor  of  the  hall,  the 
front  door  was  closed,  and  two  determined 
hands  covered  two  threatening  little  mouths. 

When  the  procession  had  fairly  passed  the 
house  I  released  the  boys  and  heard  two  pro 
longed  howls  for  my  pains.  Then  I  asked 
Budge  if  he  wasn't  ashamed  to  talk  that  way 
when  a  funeral  was  passing. 

"Twasnt  a  funeral,"  said  he.  '  'Twas 
only  a  deader,  an'  deaders  can't  hear 
nothin'." 

"  But  the  people  in  the  carriages  could," 
said  I. 

"  Well, "  said  he,  "  they  was  so  glad  that 
the  other  part  of  the  deader  had  gone  to 
heaven  that  they  didn't  care  what  I  said. 
Ev'rybody's  glad  when  the  other  parts  of 

12 


178  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

deaders  go  to  heaven.  Papa  told  me  to  be 
glad  that  dear  little  Phillie  was  in  heaven, 
an'  I  was,  but  I  do  want  to  see  him  again 
awful." 

"  Wantsh  to  shee  Phillie  aden  awfoo,"  said 
Toddie,  as  I  kissed  Budge  and  hurried  off 
to  the  library,  unfit  just  then  to  administer 
farther  instruction  or  reproof.  Of  one  thing 
I  was  very  certain — I  wished  the  rain  would 
cease  falling,  so  the  children  could  go  out 
of  doors,  and  I  could  get  a  little  rest,  and 
freedom  from  responsibility.  But  the  skies 
showed  no  signs  of  being  emptied,  the  boys 
were  snarling  on  the  stairway,  and  I  was 
losing  my  temper  quite  rapidly. 

Suddenly  I  bethought  me  of  one  of  the 
delights  of  my  own  childish  days — the  mak 
ing  of  scrap-books.  One  of  Tom's  library 
drawers  held  a  great  many  Lady's  Journals. 
Of  course  Helen  meant  to  have  them  bound, 
but  I  could  easily  repurchase  the  numbers 
for  her;  they  would  cost  two  or  three  dol- 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          179 

lars;  but  peace  was  cheap  at  that  price.  On 
a  high  shelf  in  the  playroom  I  had  seen 
some  supplementary  volumes  of  "  Mercantile 
Agency "  reports  which  would  in  time  reach 
the  rag-bag ;  there  was  a  bottle  of  mucilage 
in  the  library-desk,  and  the  children  owned 
an  old  pair  of  scissors.  Within  five  minutes 
I  had  located  two  happy  children  on  the 
bath-room  floor,  taught  them  to  cut  out  pic 
tures  (which  operation  I  quickly  found  they 
understood  as  well  as  I  did)  and  to  paste 
them  into  the  extemporized  scrap-book. 
Then  I  left  them,  recalling  something  from 
.Newman  Hall's  address  on  "  The  Dignity 
of  Labor."  Why  hadn't  I  thought  before 
of  showing  my  nephews  some  way  of  occu 
pying  their  mind  and  hands?  Who  could 
blame  the  helpless  little  things  for  following 
every  prompting  of  their  unguided  minds? 
Had  I  not  a  hundred  times  been  told,  when 
sent  to  the  wood-pile  or  the  weediest  part 
of  the  garden  in  my  youthful  days,  that 


i8o  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Satan  finds  some  mischief  still 
For  idle  hands  to  do?" 

Never  again  would  I  blame  children  for 
being  mischievous  when  their  minds  were 
neglected. 

I  spent  a  peaceful,  pleasant  hour  over  my 
novel,  when  I  felt  that  a  fresh  cigar  would 
be  acceptable.  Going  up-stairs  in  search  of 
one  I  found  that  Budge  had  filled  the  bath 
tub  with  water,  and  was  sailing  boats,  that 
is,  hair-brushes.  Even  this  seemed  too  mild 
an  offense  to  call  for  a  rebuke,  so  I  passed 
on  without  disturbing  him,  and  went  to  my 
own  room.  I  heard  Toddie's  voice,  and  hav 
ing  heard  from  my  sister  that  Toddie's  con 
versations  with  himself  were  worth  listening 
to,  I  paused  outside  the  door.  I  heard  Tod- 
die  softly  murmur:— 

"  Zere,  pitty  yady,  'tay  zere.  Now,  'ittle 
boy,  I  put  you  wif  your  mudder,  tause  mud- 
ders  likes  zere  'ittle  boys  wif  zem.  An'  you 
sail  have  'ittle  sister  tudder  side  of  you, — zere. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  181 

Now,  'ittle  boy's  an'  'ittle  girl's  mudder, 
don't  you  feel  happy? — isn't  I  awfoo  good  to 
give  you  your  'ittle  tsilderns?  You  ought 
to  say,  Tank  you,  Toddie, — you'se  a  nice, 
fweet  'ittle  djentleman.' " 

I  peered  cautiously — then  I  entered  the 
room  hastily.  I  didn't  say  anything  for  a 
moment,  for  it  was  impossible  to  do  justice, 
impromptu,  to  the  subject.  Toddie  had  a 
progressive  mind — if  pictorial  ornamentation 
was  good  for  old  books,  why  should  not 
similar  ornamentation  be  extended  to  ob 
jects  more  likely  to  be  seen?  Such  may 
not  have  been  Toddie 's  line  of  thought,  but 
his  recent  operations  warranted  such  a  sup 
position.  He  had  cut  out  a  number  of  pict 
ures,  and  pasted  them  upon  the  wall  of  my 
room — my  sister's  darling  room,  with  its 
walls  tinted  exquisitely  in  pink.  As  a  mem 
ber  of  a  hanging  committee,  Toddie  would 
hardly  have  satisfied  taller  people,  but  he 
had  arranged  the  pictures  quite  regularly,  at 


1 82          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

about  the  height  of  his  own  eyes,  had  fa 
vored  no  one  artist  more  than  another,  and 
had  hung  indiscriminately  figure  pieces,  land 
scapes,  and  genre  pictures.  The  temporary 
break  of  wall-line,  occasioned  by  the  door 
communicating  with  his  own  room,  he  had 
overcome  by  closing  the  door  and  carrying  a 
line  of  pictures  across  its  lower  panels.  Oc 
casionally,  a  picture  fell  off  the  wall,  but 
the  mucilage  remained  faithful,  and  glistened 
with  its  fervor  of  devotion.  And  yet  so  un 
touched  was  I  by  this  artistic  display,  that 
when  I  found  strength  to  shout  "  Toddie ! " 
it  was  in  a  tone  which  caused  this  indus 
trious  amateur  decorator  to  start  violently, 
and  drop  his  mucilage-bottle,  open  end  first, 
upon  the  carpet. 

"  What  will  mamma  say  ? "   I  asked. 

Toddie  gazed,  first  blankly  and  then 
inquiringly,  into  my  face;  finding  no  answer 
or  sympathy  there,  he  burst  into  tears,  and 
replied : — 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          183 

"  I  dunno." 

The  ringing  of  the  lunch-bell  changed 
Toddie  from  a  tearful  cherub  into  a  very 
practical,  business-like  boy,  and  shouting 
"  Come  on,  Budge ! "  he  hurried  down-stairs, 
while  I  tormented  myself  with  wonder  as  to 
how  I  could  best  and  most  quickly  undo  the 
mischief  Toddie  had  done. 

I  will  concede  to  my  nephews  the  credit 
of  keeping  reasonably  quiet  during  meals; 
their  tongues  doubtless  longed  to  be  active 
in  both  the  principal  capacities  of  those 
useful  members,  but  they  had  no  doubt  as 
to  how  to  choose  between  silence  and 
hunger.  The  result  was  a  reasonably  com 
fortable  half-hour.  Just  as  I  began  to  cut 
a  melon,  Budge  broke  the  silence  by 
exclaiming : — 

"  O  Uncle  Harry,  we  haven't  been  out  to 
see  the  goat  to-day ! " 

"  Budge,"  I  replied,  "  I'll  carry  you  out 
there  under  an  umbrella  after  lunch,  and  you 


1 84          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

may  play  with  that  goat  all  the  afternoon,  if 
you  like." 

"Oh,  won't  that  be  nice?"  exclaimed 
Budge.  "  The  poor  goat !  he'll  think  I  don't 
love  him  a  bit,  'cause  I  haven't  been  to  see 
him  to-day.  Does  goats  go  to  heaven  when 
they  die,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  Guess  not — they'd  make  trouble  in  the 
golden  streets,  I'm  afraid." 

"  Oh,  dear !  then  Phillie  can't  see  my  goat. 
I'm  so  awful  sorry,"  said  Budge. 

"  /  can  see  your  goat,  Budgie,"  suggested 
Toddie. 

"  Huh ! "  said  Budge,  very  contemptuously. 
You  ain't  dead." 

"  Well,  Izhe  goin  to  be  dead  some  day,  an' 
zen  your  nashty  old  goat  shan't  see  me  a  bit 
— see  how  he  like  zat"  And  Toddie  made  a 
ferocious  attack  on  a  slice  of  melon  nearly  as 
large  as  himself. 

After  lunch  Toddie  was  sent  to  his  room 
to  take  his  afternoon  nap,  and  Budge  went 


HELEN'S   BABIES.          185 

to  the  barn  on  my  shoulders.  I  gave  Mike  a 
dollar,  with  instructions  to  keep  Budge  in 
sight,  to  keep  him  from  teasing  the  goat,  and 
to  prevent  his  being  impaled  or  butted. 
Then  I  stretched  myself  on  a  lounge,  and 
wondered  whether  only  half  a  day  of  daylight 
had  elapsed  since  I  and  the  most  adorable 
woman  in  the  world  had  been  so  happy  to 
gether.  How  much  happier  I  would  be 
when  next  I  met  her !  The  very  torments  of 
this  rainy  day  would  make  my  joy  seem  all 
the  dearer  and  more  intense.  I  dreamed 
happily  for  a  few  moments  with  my  eyes 
open,  and  then  somehow  they  closed,  without 
my  knowledge.  What  put  into  my  mind  the 
wreck-scene  from  the  play  of  "  David  Cop- 
perfield,"  I  don't  know;  but  there  it  came, 
and  in  my  dream  I  was  sitting  in  the  balcony 
at  Booth's,  and  taking  a  proper  interest  in 
the"  scene,  when  it  occurred  to  me  that  the 
thunder  had  less  of  reverberation  and  more 
woodenness  than  good  stage  thunder  should 


1 86  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

have.  The  mental  exertion  I  underwent  on 
this  subject  disturbed  the  course  of  my  nap, 
but  as  wakeful  ness  returned,  the  sound  of 
the  poorly  simulated  thunder  did  not  cease ; 
on  the  contrary,  it  was  just  as  noisy,  and 
more  hopelessly  a  counterfeit  than  ever. 
What  could  the  sound  be?  I  stepped 
through  the  window  to  the  piazza,  and  the 
sound  was  directly  over  my  head.  I  sprang 
down  the  terrace  and  out  upon  the  lawn, 
looked  up,  and  beheld  my  youngest  nephew 
strutting  back  and  forth  on  the  tin  roof  of 
the  piazza,  holding  over  his  head  a  ragged 
old  parasol.  I  roared— 

"  Go  in,  Toddie — this  instant ! " 

The  sound  of  my  voice  startled  the  young 
man  so  severely  that  he  lost  his  footing,  fell, 
and  began  to  roll  toward  the  edge  and  to 
scream,  both  operations  being  performed 
with  great  rapidity.  I  ran  to  catch  him  as  he 
fell,  but  the  outer  edge  of  the  water-trough 
was  high  enough  to  arrest  his  progress, 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  187 

though  it  had  no  effect  in  reducing  the 
volume  of  his  howls. 

"Toddie,"  I  shouted,  "lie  perfectly  still 
until  uncle  can  get  to  you.  Do  you  hear? " 

"  Ess,  but  don't  want  to  lie  'till,"  came  in 
reply  from  the  roof.  'Tan't  shee  noffin'  but 
sky  an'  rain." 

"Lie  still,"  I  reiterated,  " or  I'll  whip  you 
dreadfully."  Then  I  dashed  up-stairs,  re 
moved  my  shoes,  climbed  out  and  rescued 
Toddie,  shook  him  soundly,  and  then  shook 
myself. 

"  I  wazh  only  djust  pyayin'  mamma,  an' 
walkin'  in  ze  yain  wif  an  umbayalla,"  Toddie 
explained. 

I  threw  him  upon  his  bed  and  departed. 
It  was  plain  that  neither  logic,  threats,  nor 
the  presence  of  danger  could  keep  this  dread 
ful  child  from  doing  whatever  he  chose; 
what  other  means  of  restraint  could  be  em 
ployed?  Although  not  as  religious  a  man  as 
my  good  mother  could  wish,  I  really  won- 


1 88  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

dered  whether  prayer,  as  a  last  resort,  might 
not  be  effective.  For  his  good,  and  my  own 
peace,  I  would  cheerfully  have  read  through 
the  whole  prayer-book.  I  could  hardly  have 
done  it  just  then,  though,  for  Mike  solicited 
an  audience  'at  the  back  door,  and  reported 
that  Budge  had  given  the  carriage-sponge  to 
the  goat,  put  handfuls  of  oats  into  the  pump- 
cylinder,  pulled  hairs  out  of  the  black  mare's 
tail,  and  with  a  sharp  nail  drawn  pictures  on 
the  enamel  of  the  carriage-body.  Budge 
made  no  denial,  but  looked  very  much  ag 
grieved,  and  remarked  that  he  couldn't  never 
be  happy  without  somebody  having  to  go  get 
bothered;  and  he  wished  there  wasn't  no 
body  in  the  world  but  organ-grinders  and 
candy-store  men.  He  followed  me  into  the 
house,  flung  himself  into  a  chair,  put  on  a 
look  which  I  imagine  Byron  wore  before  he 
was  old  enough  to  be  malicious,  and  ex 
claimed: — 

"  I  don't  see  what  little  boys  was  made  for 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  189 

anyhow;  if  ev'rybody  gets  cross  with  them, 
an'  don't  let  'em  do  what  they  want  to.  I'll 
bet  when  I  get  to  heaven,  the  Lord  won't  be 
as  ugly  to  me  as  Mike  is, — an'  some  other 
folks,  too.  I  wish  I  could  die  and  be  buried 
right  away, — me  an'  the  goat — an'  go  to 
heaven,  where  we  wouldn't  be  scolded." 

Poor  little  fellow !  First  I  laughed  inward 
ly  at  his  idea  of  heaven,  and  then  I  wondered 
whether  my  own  was  very  different  from  it, 
or  any  more  creditable.  I  had  no  time  to 
spend  even  in  pious  reflection,  however. 
Budge  was  quite  wet,  his  shoes  were  soaking, 
and  he  already  had  an  attack  of  catarrh ;  so  I 
took  him  to  his  room  and  re-dressed  him, 
wondering  all  the  while  how  much  similar 
duties  my  own  father  had  had  to  do  by  me 
had  shortened  his  life,  and  how,  with  such  a 
son  as  I  was,  he  lived  as  long  as  he  did. 
The  idea  that  I  was  in  some  slight  degree 
atoning  for  my  early  sins,  so  filled  my 
thoughts,  that  I  did  not  at  first  notice  the 


190          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

absence  of  Toddie.  When  it  did  become 
evident  to  me  that  my  youngest  nephew  was 
not  in  the  bed  in  which  I  had  placed  him,  I 
went  in  search  of  him.  He  was  in  none  of 
the  chambers,  but  hearing  gentle  murmurs 
issue  from  a  long,  light  closet,  I  looked  in 
and  saw  Toddie  sitting  on  the  floor,  and  eat 
ing  the  cheese  out  of  a  mouse-trap.  A 
squeak  of  my  boots  betrayed  me,  and  Tod 
die,  equal  to  the  emergency,  sprang  to  his 
feet  and  exclaimed  :— 

"I  didn't  hurt  de  'ittle  mousie  one  bittie; 
I  just  letted  him  out,  and  he  runded  away." 

And  still  it  rained.  Oh,  for  a  single  hour 
of  sunlight,  so  that  the  mud  might  be  only 
damp  dirt,  and  the  children  could  play  with 
out  tormenting  other  people !  But  it  was  not 
to  be ;  slowly,  and  by  the  aid  of  songs,  sto 
ries,  an  improvised  menagerie,  in  which  I 
personated  every  animal,  besides  playing 
ostrich  and  armadillo,  and  a  great  many  dis 
agreements,  the  afternoon  wore  to  its  close, 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  191 

and  my  heart  slowly  lightened.  Only  an 
hour  or  two  more,  and  the  children  would  be 
in  bed  for  the  night,  and  then  I  would  enjoy, 
in  unutterable  measure,  the  peaceful  hours 
which  would  be  mine.  Even  now  they  were 
inclined  to  behave  themselves;  they  were 
tired  and  hungry,  and  stretched  themselves 
on  the  floor,  to  await  dinner.  I  embraced 
the  opportunity  to  return  to  my  book,  but  I 
had  hardly  read  a  page,  when  a  combined 
crash  and  scream  summoned  me  to  the  din 
ing-room.  On  the  floor  lay  Toddie,  a  great 
many  dishes,  a  roast  leg  of  lamb,  several  ears 
of  green  corn,  the  butter-dish  and  its  con 
tents,  and  several  other  misplaced  edibles. 
One  thing  was  quite  evident;  the  scalding 
contents  of  the  gravy-dish  had  been  emptied 
on  Toddie 's  arm,  and  how  severely  the  poor 
child  might  be  scalded  I  did  not  know.  I 
hastily  slit  open  his  sleeve  from  wrist  to 
shoulder,  and  found  the  skin  very  red;  so, 
remembering  my  mother's  favorite  treatment 


192  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

for  scalds  and  burns,  I  quickly  spread  the 
contents  of  a  dish  of  mashed  potato  on  a 
clean  handkerchief,  and  wound  the  whole 
around  Toddie's  arm  as  a  poultice.  Then  I 
demanded  an  explanation. 

"  I  was  only  djust  reatchin  for  a  pieshe  of 
bwed,"  sobbed  Toddie,  "  an'  then  the  bad  old 
tabo  beginded  to  froe  all  its  rings  at  me,  an' 
tumble  down  bang." 

He  undoubtedly  told  the  truth  as  far  as  he 
knew  it,  but  reaching  over  tables  is  a  bad 
habit  in  small  boys,  especially  when  their 
mothers  cling  to  old-fashioned  heirlooms  of 
tables,  which  have  folding  leaves ;  so  I  ban 
ished  Toddie  to  his  room,  supperless,  to 
think  of  what  he  had  done.  With  Budge 
alone,  I  had  a  comfortable  dinner  off  the  sal 
vage  from  the  wreck  caused  by  Toddie,  and 
then  I  went  up-stairs  to  see  if  the  offender 
had  repented.  It  was  hard  to  tell,  by  sight, 
whether  he  had  or  not,  for  his  back  was  to 
me,  as  he  flattened  his  nose  against  the 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          193 

window,  but  I  could  see  that  my  poultice 
was  gone. 

"Where  is  what  uncle  put  on  your  arm, 
Toddie?"  I  asked. 

"  I  ate  it  up,"  said  the  truthful  youth. 

"  Did  you  eat  the  handkerchief,  too  ? " 

"No;  I  froed  nashty  old  handkerchief  out 
the  window — don't  want  dirty  old  handker 
chiefs  in  my  nice  'ittle  room." 

I  was  so  glad  that  his  burn  had  been  slight 
that  I  forgave  the  insult  to  my  handkerchief 
and  called  up  Budge,  so  that  I  might  at  once 
get  both  boys  into  bed,  and  emerge  from  the 
bondage  in  which  I  had  lived  all  day  long. 
But  the  task  was  no  easy  one.  Of  course 
my  brother  in-law,  Tom  Lawrence,  knows 
better  than  any  other  man  the  necessities  of 
his  own  children,  but  no  children  of  mine 
shall  ever  be  taught  so  many  methods  of  im 
posing  upon  parental  good  nature.  Their 
program  called  for  stories,  songs,  moral  con 
versations,  frolics,  the  presentation  of  pen- 


i94  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

nies,  the  dropping  of  the  same,  at  long  inter 
vals,  into  tin  savings  banks,  followed  by  a 
deafening  shaking-up  of  both  banks ;  then  a 
prayer  must  be  offered,  and  no  conventional 
one  would  be  tolerated;  then  the  boys  per 
formed  their  own  devotions,  after  which  I 
was  allowed  to  depart  with  an  interchange  of 
"  God  bless  you's."  As  this  evening  I  left 
the  room  with  their  innocent  benedictions 
sounding  in  my  ears,  a  sense  of  personal 
weakness,  induced  by  the  events  of  the  day, 
moved  me  to  fervently  respond  "  Amen ! " 

Mothers  of  American  boys,  accept  from 
me  a  tribute  of  respect,  which  no  words  can 
fitly  express — of  wonder  greater  than  any  of 
the  great  things  of  the  world  ever  inspired— 
of  adoration  as  earnest  and  devout  as  the 
Catholic  pays  to  the  Virgin.  In  a  single 
day,  I,  a  strong  man,  with  nothing  else  to  oc 
cupy  my  mind,  am  reduced  to  physical  and 
mental  worthlessness  by  the  necessities  of 
two  boys  not  overmischievous  or  bad.  And 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  195 

you — Heaven  only  knows  how — have  unbro 
ken  weeks,  months,  years,  yes,  lifetimes  of 
just  such  experiences,  and  with  them  the  bur 
den  of  household  cares,  of  physical  ills  and 
depressions,  of  mental  anxieties  that  pierce 
your  hearts  with  as  many  sorrows  as  grieved 
the  Holy  Mother  of  old.  Compared  with 
thy  endurance,  that  of  the  young  man,  the 
athlete,  is  as  weakness;  the  secret  of  thy 
nerves,  wonderful  even  in  their  weakness,  is 
as  great  as  that  of  the  power  of  the  winds. 
To  display  decision,  thy  opportunities  are 
more  frequent  than  those  of  the  greatest 
statesman ;  thy  heroism  laughs  into  insignifi 
cance  that  of  fort  and  field ;  thou  art  trained 
in  a  school  of  diplomacy  such  as  the  most  ex 
perienced  court  cannot  furnish.  Do  scoffers 
say  thou  canst  not  hold  the  reins  of  govern 
ment  ?  Easier  is  it  to  rule  a  band  of  savages 
than  to  be  the  successful  autocrat  of  thy  little 
kingdom.  Compared  with  the  ways  of  men, 
even  thy  failures  are  full  of  glory.  Be  thy 


196  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

faults  what  they  may,  thy  one  great,  mys 
terious,  unapproachable  success  places  thee, 
in  desert,  far  above  warrior,  rabbi  or 
priest. 

The  foregoing  soliloquy  passed  through 
my  mind  as  I  lay  upon  the  bed  where  I  had 
thrown  myself  after  leaving  the  children's 
room.  Whatever  else  attempted  to  affect 
me  mentally  found  my  mind  a  blank  until 
the  next  morning,  when  I  awoke  to  realize 
that  I  had  dropped  asleep  just  where  I  fell, 
and  that  I  had  spent  nearly  twelve  hours  ly 
ing  across  a  bed  in  an  uncomfortable  posi 
tion,  and  without  removing  my  daily  attire. 
My  next  impression  was  that  quite  a  bulky 
letter  had  been  pushed  under  my  chamber- 
door.  Could  it  be  that  my  darling — I  hastily 
seized  the  envelope  and  found  it  addressed 
in  my  sister's  writing,  and  promising  a  more 
voluminous  letter  than  that  lady  had  ever 
before  honored  me  with.  I  opened  it,  drop 
ping  an  enclosure  which  doubtless  wras  a  list 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  197 

of  necessities  which  I  would  please  pack,  etc., 
and  read  as  follows : — 

"JULY  i,  1875. 

"Mv  DEAR  OLD  BROTHER:—  Wouldn't  I 
like  to  give  you  the  warmest  of  sisterly  hugs? 
I  can't  believe  it,  and  yet  I'm  in  ecstasies 
over  it.  To  think  that  you  should  have  got 
that  perfection  of  a  girl,  who  has  declined  so 
many  great  catches — you,  my  sober,  business 
like,  unromantic  big  brother — oh,  it's  too 
wonderful!  But  now  I  think  of  it,  you're 
just  the  people  for  each  other.  I'd  like  to 
say  that  it's  just  what  I'd  always  longed  for, 
and  that  I  invited  you  to  Hillcrest  to  bring  it 
about;  but  the  trouble  with  such  a  story 
would  be  that  it  wouldn't  have  a  word  of 
truth  in  it.  You  always  did  have  a  faculty  of 
doing  just  what  you  pleased,  and  what  no 
body  ever  expected  you  to  do,  but  now 
you've  exceeded  yourself. 

"  And  to  think  that  my  little  darlings 
played  an  important  part  in  bringing  it  all 
about !  I  shall  take  the  credit  of  that,  for  if 
it  hadn't  been  for  me,  who  would  have 
helped  you,  sir?  I  shall  expect  you  to  re- 


198  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

member  both  of  them  handsomely  at  Christ 
mas. 

"  I  don't  believe  I'm  guilty  of  a  breach  of 
confidence  in  sending  the  enclosed,  which  I 
have  just  received  from  my  sister-in-law  that 
is  to  be.  It  will  tell  you  some  causes  of  your 
success  of  which  you,  with  a  man's  conceit, 
haven't  imagined  for  a  minute,  and  it  will  tell 
you,  too,  of  a  maiden's  first  and  natural  fear 
under  such  circumstances, — a  fear  which  I 
know  that  you,  with  your  honest,  generous 
heart,  will  hasten  to  dispel.  As  you're  a 
man,  you're  quite  likely  to  be  too  stupid  to 
read  what's  written  between  the  lines;  so  I'd 
better  tell  you  that  Alice's  fear  is  that  in  let 
ting  herself  go  so  easily  she  may  have  seemed 
to  lack  proper  reserve  and  self  respect.  You 
don't  need  to  be  told  that  no  woman  alive 
has  more  of  these  very  qualities. 

"  Bless  your  dear  old  heart,  Harry, — you 
deserve  to  be  shaken  to  death  if  you're  not 
the  happiest  man  alive.  I  must  hurry  home 
and  see  you  both  with  my  own  eyes,  and 
learn  to  believe  that  all  this  wonderful  glori 
ous  thing  has  come  to  pass.  Give  Alice  a 
sister's  kiss  from  me  (if  you  know  how  to 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  199 

give    more   than    one    kind),   and   give    my 
cherubs  a  hundred   each   from   the   mother 
that  wants  to  see  them  so  much. 
"  With  love  and  congratulations, 

"  HELEN." 

The  other  letter,  which  I  opened  with  con 
siderable  reverence  and  more  delight,  ran  as 
follows : — 

"  HILLCREST,  June  29,  1875. 

"DEAR  FRIEND  HELEN: — Something  has 
happened,  and  I  am  very  happy,  but  I  am 
more  than  a  little  troubled  over  it,  too,  and 
as  you  are  one  of  the  persons  nearly  con 
cerned,  I  am  going  to  confess  to  you  as  soon 
as  possible.  Harry — your  brother,  I  mean — 
will  be  sure  to  tell  you  very  soon,  if  he  hasn't 
done  so  already,  and  I  want  to  make  all  pos 
sible  haste  to  solemnly  assure  you  that  / 
hadn't  the  slightest  idea  of  such  a  thing  com 
ing  to  pass,  and  I  didn't  do  the  slightest 
thing  to  bring  it  about. 

"  I  always  thought  your  brother  was  a 
splendid  fellow,  and  have  never  been  afraid 


200  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

to  express  my  mind  about  him,  when  there 
was  no  one  but  girls  to  listen.  But  out  here 
I've  somehow  learned  to  admire  him  more 
than  ever.  I  cheerfully  acquit  him  of  inten 
tionally  doing  anything  to  create  a  favorable 
impression ;  if  his  several  appearances  before 
me  have  been  studied,  he  is  certainly  the 
most  original  being  I  ever  heard  of.  Your 
children  are  angels — you've  told  me  so  your 
self,  and  I've  my  own  very  distinct  impres 
sion  on  the  subject,  but  they  dont  study  to 
save  their  uncle's  appearance.  The  figures 
that  unfortunate  man  has  cut  several  times — 
well,  I  won't  try  to  describe  them  on  paper, 
for  fear  he  might  some  day  see  a  scrap  of  it, 
and  take  offense.  But  he  always  seems  to 
be  patient  with  them,  and  devoted  to  them, 
and  I  haven't  been  able  to  keep  from  seeing 
that  a  man  who  could  be  so  lovable  with 
thoughtless  and  unreasonable  children  must 
be  perfectly  adorable  to  the  woman  he  loved, 
if  she  were  a  woman  at  all.  Still,  I  hadn't 
the  faintest  idea  that  I  would  be  the  fortu 
nate  woman.  At  last  the  day  came,  but  I  was 
in  blissful  ignorance  of  what  was  to  happen. 
Your  little  Charley  hurt  himself,  and  insisted 


HELEN'S   BABIES.          201 

upon  Har — your  brother  singing  an  odd  song 
to  him ;  and  just  when  the  young  gentleman 
was  doing  the  elegant  to  a  dozen  of  us  ladies 
at  once,  too!  If  you  could  have  seen  his 
face ! — it  was  too  funny,  until  he  got  over  his 
annoyance,  and  began  to  feel  properly  sorry 
for  the  little  fellow — then  he  seemed  all  at 
once  to  be  all  tenderness  and  heart,  and  I 
did  wish  for  a  moment  that  conventionalities 
didn't  exist,  and  I  might  tell  him  that  he  was 
a  model.  Then  your  youngest  playfully  spilt 
a  plate  of  soup  on  my  dress  (don't  be  worried 
-'twas  only  a  common  muslin,  and  'twill 
wash).  Of  course  I  had  to  change  it,  and  as 
I  retired  the  happy  thought  struck  me  that 
I'd  make  so  elaborate  a  toilet  that  I  wouldn't 
finish  in  time  to  join  the  other  ladies  for  the 
usual  evening  walk;  consequence,  I  would 
have  a  chance  to  monopolize  a  gentleman  for 
half  an  hour  or  more — a  chance  which,  no 
thanks  to  the  gentlemen  who  don't  come  to 
Hillcrest,  no  lady  here  has  had  this  season. 
Every  time  I  peered  through  the  blinds  to 
see  if  the  other  girls  had  started,  I  could  see 
him,  looking  so  distressed,  and  brooding  over 
those  two  children  as  if  he  was  their  mother, 


202          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

and  he  seemed  so  good.  He  seemed  pleased 
to  see  me  when  I  appeared,  and  coming  from 
such  a  man,  the  implied  compliment  was 
fully  appreciated;  everything  he  said  to  me 
seemed  a  little  more  worth  hearing  than  if  it 
had  come  from  any  man  not  so  good.  Then 
suddenly  your  eldest  insisted  on  retailing  the 
result  of  a  conversation  he  had  had  with  his 
uncle,  and  the  upshot  was  that  Harry  de 
clared  himself;  he  wasn't  romantic  a  bit,  but 
he  was  real  straightforward  and  manly,  while 
I  was  so  completely  taken  aback  that  I 
couldn't  think  of  a  thing  to  say.  Then  the 
impudent  fellow  kissed  me,  and  I  lost  my 
tongue  worse  than  ever.  If  I  had  known 
anything  of  his  feelings  beforehand,  I  should 
have  been  prepared  to  behave  more  properly ; 
but — O  Helen,  I'm  so  glad  I  afofoV  know  I  I 
should  be  the  happiest  being  that  ever  lived, 
if  I  wasn't  afraid  that  you  and  your  husband 
might  think  that  I  had  given  myself  away 
too  hastily.  As  to  other  people,  we  will  see 
that  they  don't  know  a  word  about  it  for 
months  to  come. 

"Do  write  that  I  was  not  to  blame,  and 
make  believe  accept  me  as  a  sister,  because  I 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  203 

can't  offer  to  give  Harry  up  to  any  one  else 
you  may  have  picked  out  for  him. 
"  Your  sincere  friend, 

"  ALICE  MAYTON." 

Was  there  ever  so  delightful  a  reveille? 
All  the  boyishness  in  me  seemed  suddenly  to 
come  to  the  surface,  and  instead  of  saying 
and  doing  the  decorous  things  which  novel 
ists'  heroes  do  under  similar  circumstances,  I 
shouted  "  Hurrah ! "  and  danced  into  the 
children's  room  so  violently  that  Budge  sat 
up  in  bed,  and  regarded  me  with  reproving 
eyes,  while  Toddie  burst  into  a  happy  laugh, 
and  volunteered  as  a  partner  in  the  dance. 
Then  I  realized  that  the  rain  was  over,  and 
the  sun  was  shining — I  could  take  Alice  out 
for  another  drive,  and  until  then  the  children 
could  take  care  of  themselves.  I  remem 
bered  suddenly,  and  with  a  sharp  pang,  that 
my  vacation  was  nearly  at  an  end,  and  I 
found  myself  consuming  with  impatience  to 
know  how  much  longei  Alice  would  remain 


204          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

at  Hillcrest.     It  would  be  cruel  to  wish  her 
in  the  city  before  the  end  of  August,  yet  I— 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  "my  papa 
says  'tisn't  nice  for  folks  to  sit  down  and  go 
to  thinkin'  before  they've  brushed  their  hair 
mornin's — that's  what  he  tells  mel' 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Budge,"  said  I,  spring 
ing  up  in  some  confusion ;  "  I  was  thinking 
over  a  matter  of  a  great  deal  of  importance." 

"  What  was  it — my  goat? " 

"  No — of    course    not.      Don't    be    silly, 
Budge." 

"  Well,  I  think  about  him  a  good  deal,  an' 
I  don't  think  it's  silly  a  bit.  I  hope  he'll  go 
to  heaven  when  he  dies.  Do  angels  have 
goat-carriages,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  No,  old  fellow — they  can  go  about  with 
out  carriages." 

"  When  /  goesh  to  hebben,"  said  Toddie, 
rising  in  bed,  "  Izhe  goin'  to  have  lots  of 
goat-cawidjes  an'  Izhe  goin'  to  tate  all  ze 
andjels  a  widen." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          205 

With  many  other  bits  of  prophecy  and  ce 
lestial  description  I  was  regaled  as  I  com 
pleted  my  toilet,  and  I  hurried  out  of  doors 
for  an  opportunity  to  think  without  disturb 
ance.  Strolling  past  the  henyard  I  saw  a 
meditative  turtle,  and  picking  him  up  and 
shouting  to  my  nephews  I  held  the  reptile  up 
for  their  inspection.  Their  window-blinds 
flew  open,  and  a  unanimous  though  not  ex 
actly  harmonious  "  Oh ! "  greeted  my  prize. 

"Where  did  you  get  it,  Uncle  Harry?" 
asked  Budge. 

"  Down  by  the  hen-coop." 

Budge's  eyes  opened  wide;  he  seemed  to 
devote  a  moment  to  profound  thought,  and 
then  he  exclaimed : — 

"  Why,  I  don't  see  how  the  hens  could  lay 
such  a  big  thing — just  put  him  in  your  hat 
till  I  come  down,  will  you?" 

I  dropped  the  turtle  in  Budge's  wheelbar 
row,  and  made  a  tour  of  the  flower-borders. 
The  flowers,  always  full  of  suggestion  to  me, 


ao6  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

seemed  suddenly  to  have  new  charms  and 
powers ;  they  actually  impelled  me  to  try  to 
make  rhymes, — me,  a  steady  white-goods 
salesman!  The  impulse  was  too  strong  to 
be  resisted,  though  I  must  admit  that  the  re 
sults  were  pitifully  meager:— 

"As  radiant  as  that  matchless  rose 

Which  poet-artists  fancy; 
As  fair  as  whitest  lily -blows; 

As  modest  as  the  pansy; 
As  pure  as  dew  which  hides  within 

Aurora's  sun-kissed  chalice; 
As  tender  as  the  primrose  sweet — 

All  this,  and  more,  is  Alice." 

In  inflicting  this  fragment  upon  the  reader, 
I  have  not  the  faintest  idea  that  he  can  dis 
cover  any  merit  in  it;  I  quote  it  only  that  a 
subsequent  experience  of  mine  may  be  more 
intelligible.  When  I  had  composed  these 
wretched  lines  I  became  conscious  that  I  had 
neither  pencil  nor  paper  wherewith  to  pres- 
serve  them.  Should  I  lose  them — my  first 
self-constructed  poem?  Never!  This  was 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  207 

not  the  first  time  in  which  I  had  found  it 
necessary  to  preserve  words  by  memory 
alone.  So  I  repeated  my  ridiculous  lines 
over  and  over  again,  until  the  eloquent  feel 
ing  of  which  they  were  the  graceless  expres 
sion  inspired  me  to  accompany  my  recital 
with  gestures.  Six — eight — ten — a  dozen — 
twenty  times  I  repeated  these  lines,  each 
time  with  additional  emotion  and  gestures, 
when  a  thin  voice,  very  near  me,  remarked : — 
"  Ocken  Hawwy,  you  does  djust  as  if  you 


was  swimminV 


Turning,  I  beheld  my  nephew  Toddie — 
how  long  he  had  been  behind  me  I  had  no 
idea.  He  looked  earnestly  into  my  eyes  and 
then  remarked : — • 

"  Ocken  Hawwy,  your  faysh  is  wed,  djust 
like  a  wosy-posy." 

"  Let's  go  right  in  to  breakfast,  Toddie," 
said  I  aloud,  as  I  grumbled  to  myself  about 
the  faculty  of  observation  which  Tom's  chil 
dren  seemed  to  have. 


208  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

Immediately  after  breakfast  I  despatched 
Mike  with  a  note  to  Alice,  informing  her 
that  I  would  be  glad  to  drive  her  to  the 
Falls  in  the  afternoon  calling  for  her  at  two. 
Then  I  placed  myself  unreservedly  at  the  dis 
posal  of  the  boys  for  the  morning,  it  being 
distinctly  understood  that  they  must  not  ex 
pect  to  see  me  between  lunch  and  dinner.  I 
was  first  instructed  to  harness  the  goat, 
which  order  I  obeyed,  and  I  afterward 
watched  that  grave  animal  as  he  drew  my 
nephews  up  and  down  the  carriage-road,  his 
countenance  as  demure  as  if  he  had  no  idea 
of  suddenly  departing  when  my  back  should 
be  turned.  The  wheels  of  the  goat  carriage 
uttered  the  most  heartrending  noises  I  had 
ever  heard  from  ungreased  axle;  so  I  per 
suaded  the  boys  to  dismount,  and  submit  to 
the  temporary  unharnessing  of  the  goat, 
while  I  should  lubricate  the  axles.  Half  an 
hour  of  dirty  work  sufficed,  with  such  assist 
ance  as  I  gained  from  juvenile  advice,  to  ac- 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          209 

complish  the  task  properly;  then  I  put  the 
horned  steed  into  the  shafts,  Budge  cracked 
the  whip,  the  carriage  moved  off  without 
noise,  and  Toddie  began  to  weep  bitterly. 

"Cawwidge  is  all  bwoke,"  said  he; 
" wheelsh  dont  sing  a  bittie  no  more"  while 
Budge  remarked  :— 

"  I  think  the  carriage  sounds  kind  o'  lone 
some  now,  don't  you,  Uncle  Harry?" 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  asked  Budge,  a  little  later 
in  the  morning,  "do  you  know  what  makes 

9 

the  thunder?" 

"Yes,  Budge — when  two  clouds  go  bump 
into  each  other  they  make  a  good  deal  of 
noise,  and  they  call  it  thunder." 

"  That  ain't  it  at  all,"  said  Budge.  "  When 
it  thundered  yesterday  it  was  because  the 
Lord  was  riding  along  through  the  sky  and 
the  wheels  of  his  carriage  made  an  awful 
noise,  an'  that  was  the  thunder." 

"  Don't  like  nashty  old  'hinder,"  remarked 

Toddie.      "  It    goesh    into    our    cellar    an 
14 


210          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

makesh  all  ze  milk  sour — Maggie  said  so. 
An'  so  I  can't  hazh  no  nice  white  tea  for  my 
brepspup." 

"  I  should  think  you'd  like  the  Lord  to  go 
a  ridin',  Toddie,  with  all  the  angels  running 
after  him,"  said  Budge,  "even  if  the  thunder 
does  make  the  milk  sour.  And  'tis  so  splen 
did  to  see  the  thunder  bang." 

"  How  do  you  see  it,  Budge?"  I  asked. 

"  Why,  don't  you  know  when  the  thunder 
bangs,  and  then  you  see  an  awful  bright 
place  in  the  sky?— that's  were  the  Lord's  car 
riage  gives  an  awful  pound,  and  makes  little 
cracks  through  the  floor  of  heaven,  an'  we 
see  right  in.  But  what's  the  reason  we  can't 
ever  see  anybody  through  the  cracks,  Uncle 

Harry?" 

"  I  don't  know — old  fellow, — I  guess  it's 
because  it  isn't  cracks  in  heaven  that  look  so 
bright,— it's  a  kind  of  fire  that  the  Lord 
makes  up  in  the  clouds.  You'll  know  all 
about  it  when  you  get  bigger." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  211 

"Well,  111  feel  awful  sorry  if  'tain't  any 
thing  but  fire.  Do  you  kr.ow  that  funny 
song  my  papa  sings  'bout : — 

"  '  Roarin'  thunders,  lightenin's  blazes, 
Shout  the  great  Creator's  praises?" 

I  don't  know  zactly  what  it  means,  but  I 
think  it's  kind  o'  splendid,  don't  you?" 

I  aSdTknow  the  old  song;  I  had  heard  it  in 
a  Western  camp-meeting,  when  scarcely  old 
er  than  Budge,  and  it  left  upon  my  mind  just 
the  effect  it  seemed  to  have  done  on  his.  I 
blessed  his  sympathetic  young  heart,  and 
snatched  him  into  my  arms.  Instantly  he 
became  all  boy  again. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  he  shouted,  "you  crawl  on 
your  hands  and  knees  and  play  you  was  a 
horse,  and  I'll  ride  on  your  back." 

"No,  thank  you,  Budge,  not  on  the 
dirt." 

'  Then  let's  play  menagerie,  an'  you  be  all 
the  animals." 

To  this  proposition  I  assented,  and  after 


212          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

hiding  ourselves  in  one  of  the  retired  angles 
of  the  house,  so  that  no  one  could  know  who 
was  guilty  of  disturbing  the  peace  by  such 
dire  noises,  the  performance  commenced.  I 
was  by  turns  a  bear,  a  lion,  a  zebra,  an  ele 
phant,  dogs  of  various  kinds,  and  a  cat.  As 
I  personated  the  latter-named  animals,  Tod- 
die  echoed  my  voice. 

"Miauw!  Miauw!"  said  he,  "dat's  what 
cats  saysh  when  they  goesh  down  wells." 

"  Faith,  an'  it's  him  that  knows,"  remarked 
Mike,  who  had  invited  himself  to  a  free  seat 
in  the  menagerie,  and  assisted  in  the  ap 
plause  which  had  greeted  each  personation. 

"  Would  ye  belave  it,  Misther  Harry,  dhat 
young  dhivil  got  out  the  front  door  one 
mornin'  afore  sunroise,  all  in  his  little  noight- 
gown,  an'  wint  over  to  the  doctor's  an'  picked 
up  a  kitten  lyin'  on  the  kitchen  door-mat,  an' 
throwed  it  down  dhe  well.  The  docthor 
wasn't  home,  but  the  missis  saw  him,  an'  her 
heart  was  dhat  tindher  that  she  hurried  out 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  213 

and  throwed  boords  down  for  dhe  poor  little 
baste  to  stand  on,  an'  let  down  a  hoe  on  a 
sthring,  an'  whin  she  got  dhe  poor  little 
dhing  out,  she  was  dhat  faint  that  she 
dhrapped  on  dhe  grass.  An'  it  cost  Mr. 
Lawrence  nigh  onto  thirty  dollars  to  have 
dhe  docthor's  well  claned  out." 

"  Yes,"  said  Toddie,  who  had  listened  care 
fully  to  Mike's  recital,  "an'  kitty-kitty  said, 
'  MiauwJ  Miauw ! '  when  she  goed  down  ze 
well.  An'  Mish  Doctor  sed, '  Bad  boy — go 
home — don't  never  turn  to  my  housh  no 
more,' — dat's  what  she  said  to  me.  Now  be 
some  more  animals,  Ocken  Hawwy.  Can't 
you  be  a  whay-al  ? " 

"Whales  don't  make  a  noise,  Toddie; 
they  only  splash  about  in  the  water." 

"  Zen  grop  in  the  cistern  an'  'plash,  can't 
you?" 

•  •  •  •  •  •  • 

Lunch-time,  and  after  it  the  time  for  Tod 
die  to  take  his  nap.  Poor  Budge  was  bereft 


214  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

of  a  playmate,  for  the  doctor's  little  girl  was 
sick ;  so  he  quietly  followed  me  about  with  a 
wistful  face,  that  almost  persuaded  me  to 
take  him  with  me  on  my  drive — our  drive. 
Had  he  grumbled,  I  would  have  felt  less  un 
comfortable;  but  there's  nothing  so  touching 
and  overpowering  to  either  gods  or  men  as 
the  spectacle  of  mute  resignation.  At  last, 
to  my  great  relief,  he  opened  his  mouth. 

"Uncle  Harry,"  said  he,  "do  you  'spose 
folks  ever  get  lonesome  in  heaven  ? " 

"  I  guess  not,  Budge." 

"  Do  little  boy-angels'  papas  an'  mammas 
go  off  visitin',  an'  stay  ever  so  long? " 

"  I  don't  exactly  know,  Budge,  but  if  they 
do,  the  little  boy-angels  have  plenty  of  other 
little  boy-angels  to  play  with,  so  they  can't 
very  well  be  lonesome." 

"  Well,  I  don't  b'leeve  they  could  make  me 
happy,  when  I  wanted  to  see  my  papa  an' 
mamma.  When  I  haven't  got  anybody  to 
play  with,  then  I  want  papa  an'  mamma  so 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          215 

bad — so  bad  as  if  I  would  die  if  I  didn't  see 
'em  right  away." 

I  was  shaving,  and  only  half-done,  but  I 
hastily  wiped  off  my  face,  dropped  into  a 
rocking-chair,  took  the  forlorn  little  boy  into 
my  arms,  and  kissed  him,  caressed  him,  sym 
pathized  with  him,  and  devoted  myself  en 
tirely  to  the  task  and  pleasure  of  comforting 
him.  His  sober  little  face  gradually  assumed 
a  happier  appearance ;  his  lips  parted  in  such 
lines  as  no  old  master  ever  put  upon  angel 
lips ;  his  eyes  from  being  dim  and  hopeless, 
grew  warm  and  lustrous  and  melting.  At 
last  he  said : — 

"  Uncle  Harry,  I'm  ever  so  happy  now. 
An'  can't  Mike  go  around  with  me  and  the 
goat  all  the  time  you're  away  riding?  An' 
bring  us  home  some  candy,  an'  marbles — oh, 
yes — an'  a  new  dog." 

Anxious  as  I  was  to  hurry  off  to  meet  my 
engagement,  I  was  rather  disgusted  as  I  un 
seated  Budge  and  returned  to  my  razor.  So 


216          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

long  as  he  was  lonesome  and  I  was  his  only 
hope,  words  couldn't  express  his  devotion, 
but  the  moment  he  had,  through  my  efforts, 
regained  his  spirits,  his  only  use  for  me  was 
to  ask  further  favors.  Yet  in  trying  the  poor 
boy,  judicially,  the  evidence  was  more  dan 
gerous  to  humanity  in  general  than  to 
Budge ;  it  threw  a  great  deal  of  light  upon 
my  own  peculiar  theological  puzzles,  and 
almost  convinced  me  that  my  duty  was  to 
preach  a  new  gospel. 

As  I  drove  up  to  the  steps  of  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  boarding-house  it  seemed  to  me  a 
month  had  elapsed  since  last  I  was  there, 
and  this  apparent  lapse  of  time  was  all  that 
prevented  my  ascribing  to  miraculous  agen 
cies  the  wonderful  and  delightful  change  that 
Alice's  countenance  had  undergone  in  two 
short  days.  Composure,  quickness  of  per 
ception,  the  ability  to  guard  one's  self,  are 
indications  of  character  which  are  particularly 
in  place  in  the  countenance  of  a  young  lady 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  217 

in  society,  but  when,  without  losing  these, 
the  face  takes  on  the  radiance  born  of  love 
and  trust,  the  effect  is  indescribably  charm 
ing — especially  to  the  eyes  of  the  man  who 
causes  the  change.  Longer,  more  out-of-the- 
way  roads  between  Hillcrest  and  the  Falls  I 
venture  to  say  were  never  known  than  I 
drove  over  that  afternoon,  and  my  happy 
companion,  who  in  other  days  I  had  imag 
ined  might  one  day,  by  her  decision,  alert 
ness  and  force  exceed  the  exploits  of  Lady 
Baker  or  Miss  Tinne,  never  once  asked  if  I 
was  sure  we  were  on  the  right  road.  Only  a 
single  cloud  came  over  her  brow,  and  of  this 
I  soon  learned  the  cause. 

"  Harry,"  said  she,  pressing  closer  to  my 
side,  and  taking  an  appealing  tone,  "do  you 
love  me  well  enough  to  endure  something 
unpleasant  for  my  sake  ? " 

My  answer  was  not  verbally  expressed,  but 
its  purport  seemed  to  be  understood  and  ac 
cepted,  for  Alice  continued : — 


218  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

"  I  wouldn't  undo  a  bit  of  what's  happened 
— I'm  the  happiest,  proudest  woman  in  the 
world.  But  we  have  been  very  hasty,  for 
people  who  have  been  mere  acquaintances. 
And  mother  is  dreadfully  opposed  to  such 
affairs — she  is  of  the  old  style,  you  know." 

"  It  was  all  my  fault,"  said  I.  "  I'll  apolo 
gize  promptly  and  handsomely.  The  time 
and  agony  which  I  didn't  consume  in  laying 
siege  to  your  heart  I'll  devote  to  the  task  of 
gaining  your  mother's  good  graces." 

The  look  I  received  in  reply  to  this  remark 
would  have  richly  repaid  me  had  my  task 
been  to  conciliate  as  many  mothers-in-law  as 
Brigham  Young  possesses.  But  her  smile 
faded  as  she  said : — 

"  You  don't  know  what  a  task  you  have  be 
fore  you.  Mother  has  a  very  tender  heart, 
but  it's  thoroughly  fenced  in  by  proprieties. 
In  her  day  and  set,  courtship  was  a  very 
slow,  stately  affair,  and  mother  believes  it  the 
proper  way  now;  so  do  I,  but  I  admit  pos- 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  219 

sible  exceptions,  and  mother  doesn't.  I'm 
afraid  she  won't  be  patient  if  she  knows  the 
whole  truth,  yet  I  can't  bear  to  keep  it  from 
her.  I'm  her  only  child,  you  know." 

" Dont  keep  it  from  her,"  said  I,  "unless 
for  some  reason  of  your  own.  Let  me  tell 
the  whole  story,  take  all  the  responsibility, 
and  accept  the  penalties,  if  there  are  any. 
Your  mother  is  right  in  principle,  if  there  is 
a  certain  delightful  exception  that  we  know 
of." 

"  My  only  fear  is  for  you"  said  my  darling, 
nestling  closer  to  me.  "  She  comes  of  a  fam 
ily  that  can  display  most  glorious  indignation 
when  there's  a  good  excuse  for  it,  and  I  can't 
bear  to  think  of  you  being  the  cause  of  such 
an  outbreak." 

"  I've  faced  the  ugliest  of  guns  in  honor  of 
one  form  of  love,  little  girl,"  I  replied,  "and 
I  could  do  even  more  for  the  sentiment  for 
which  you  re  to  blame.  And  for  my  own 
sake,  I'd  rather  endure  anything  than  a  sense 


220          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

of  having  deceived  any  one,  especially  the 
mother  of  such  a  daughter.  Besides,  you're 
her  dearest  treasure,  and  she  has  a  right  to 
know  of  even  the  least  thing  that  in  any  way 
concerns  you." 

"And  you're  a  noble  fellow,  and " 

Whatever  other  sentiment  my  companion 
failed  to  put  into  words  was  impulsively  and 
eloquently  communicated  by  her  dear  eyes. 

But  oh,  what  a  cowardly  heart  your  dear 
cheek  rested  upon  an  instant  later,  fair  Alice ! 
Not  for  the  first  time  in  my  life  did  I  shrink 
and  tremble  at  the  realization  of  what  duty 
imperatively  required — not  for  the  first  time 
did  I  go  through  a  harder  battle  than  was 
ever  fought  with  sword  and  cannon,  and  a 
battle  with  greater  possibilities  of  danger 
than  the  field  ever  offered.  I  won  it,  as  a 
man  must  do  in  such  fights,  if  he  deserves  to 
live ;  but  I  could  not  help  feeling  considera 
bly  sobered  on  our  homeward  drive. 

We  neared  the  house,  and  I  had  an  insane 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  221 

fancy  that  instead  of  driving  two  horses  I 
was  astride  of  one,  with  spurs  at  my  heels 
and  a  saber  at  my  side. 

"  Let  me  talk  to  her  now,  Alice,  won't 
you?  Delays  are  only  cowardly." 

A  slight  trembling  at  my  side, — an  instant 
of  silence  that  seemed  an  hour,  yet  within 
which  I  could  count  but  six  footfalls,  and 
Alice  replied: — 

"  Yes ;  if  the  parlor  happens  to  be  empty, 
I'll  ask  her  if  she  won't  go  in  and  see  you  a 
moment."  Then  there  came  a  look  full  of 
tenderness,  wonder,  painful  solicitude,  and 
then  two  dear  eyes  filled  with  tears. 

"  We're  nearly  there,  darling,"  said  I,  with 
a  reassuring  embrace. 

"  Yes,  and  you  shan't  be  the  only  hero," 
said  she,  straightening  herself  proudly,  and 
looking  a  fit  model  for  a  Cenobia. 

As  we  passed  from  behind  a  clump  of 
evergreens  which  hid  the  house  from  our 
view,  I  involuntarily  exclaimed,  "  Gracious ! " 


222  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

Upon  the  piazza  stood  Mrs.  Mayton ;  at  her 
side  stood  my  two  nephews,  as  dirty  in  face, 
in  clothing,  as  I  had  ever  seen  them.  I  don't 
know  but  that  for  a  moment  I  freely  forgave 
them,  for  their  presence  might  grant  me  the 
respite  which  a  sense  of  duty  would  not  allow 
me  to  take. 

"  Wezhe  corned  up  to  wide  home  wif  you," 
exclaimed  Toddie,  as  Mrs.  Mayton  greeted 
me  with  an  odd  mixture  of  courtesy,  curios 
ity  and  humor.  Alice  led  the  way  into  the 
parlor,  whispered  to  her  mother,  and  com 
menced  to  make  a  rapid  exit,  when  Mrs. 
Mayton  called  her  back,  and  motioned  her  to 
a  chair.  Alice  and  I  exchanged  sidelong 
glances. 

"Alice  says  you  wish  to  speak  with  me, 
Mr.  Burton,"  said  she.  "  I  wonder  whether 
the  subject  is  one  upon  which  I  have  this 
afternoon  received  a  minute  verbal  account 
from  the  elder  Master  Lawrence." 

"  If  you  refer  to  an  apparently  unwarrant- 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  223 

able  intrusion  upon  your  family  circle, 
Mrs. " 

"  I  do,  sir,"  replied  the  old  lady.  "  Be 
tween  the  statements  made  by  that  child,  and 
the  hitherto  unaccountable  change  in  my 
daughter's  looks  during  two  or  three  days,  I 
think  I  have  got  at  the  truth  of  the  matter. 
If  the  offender  were  any  one  else,  I  should 
be  inclined  to  be  severe ;  but  we  mothers  of 
only  daughters  are  apt  to  have  a  pretty  dis 
tinct  idea  of  the  merits  of  young  men, 
and " 

The  old  lady  dropped  her  head ;  I  sprang 
to  my  feet,  seized  her  hand,  and  reverently 
kissed  it;  then  Mrs.  Mayton,  whose  only  son 
had  died  fifteen  years  before,  raised  her  head 
and  adopted  me  in  the  manner  peculiar  to 
mothers,  while  Alice  burst  into  tears  and 
kissed  us  both. 

A  few  moments  later,  as  three  happy  peo 
ple  were  occupying  conventional  attitudes, 
and  trying  to  compose  faces  which  should 


224  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

bear  the  inspection  of  whoever  might  hap 
pen  into  the  parlor,  Mrs.  Mayton  ob 
served  : — 

"  My  children,  between  us  this  matter  is 
understood,  but  I  must  caution  you  against 
acting  in  such  a  way  as  to  make  the  engage 
ment  public  at  once." 

"  Trust  me  for  that,"  hastily  exclaimed 
Alice. 

"And  me,"  said  I. 

"  I  have  no  doubt  of  the  intentions  and  dis 
cretion  of  either  of  you,"  resumed  Mrs.  May- 
ton,  "but  you  cannot  possibly  be  too  cau 
tious."  Here  a  loud  laugh  from  the  shrub 
bery  under  the  windows  drowned  Mrs.  May- 
ton's  voice  for  a  moment,  but  she  continued: 
"Servants,  children," — here  she  smiled,  and 
I  dropped  my  head — "persons  you  may 
chance  to  meet 

Again  the  laugh  broke  forth  under  the 
window. 

"What  can  those  girls  be    laughing  at?" 


A-v'* 


f       IT     ™( 

^xfW 


"IN    FRONT  OF   THEM    STOOD    TODDIE,  IN    A    HIGH   STATE 
OF  EXCITEMENT." 


HELEN'S  BABIES.          225 

exclaimed  Alice,  moving  toward  the  window, 
followed  by  her  mother  and  me. 

Seated  in  a  semicircle  on  the  grass  were 
most  of  the  ladies  boarding  at  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's,  and  in  front  of  them  stood  Toddie,  in 
that  high  state  of  excitement  to  which  sym 
pathetic  applause  always  raises  him. 

"  Say  it  again,"  said  one  of  the  ladies. 

Toddie  put  on  an  expression  of  profound 
wisdom,  made  violent  gestures  with  both 
hands  and  repeated  the  following,  with  fre 
quent  gesticulations : — 

"Azh  wadiant  azh  ze  matchless  wose 

Zat  poeck-artuss  fanshy ; 
Azh  fair  azh  whituss  lily-blowzh; 

Azh  moduss  azh  a  panzhy; 
Azh  pure  azh  dew  zat  hides  wiffin 

Awwahwah's  sun-tissed  tsallish; 
Azh  tender  azh  ze  pwimwose  fweet, 

All  zish,  an  moah,  izh  Alish." 

I  gasped  for  breath. 

"Who    taught    you    all     that,    Toddie?" 

asked  one  of  the  ladies. 
'5 


226  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

"  Nobody  didn't  taught  me— I  lyned*  it." 

"  When  did  you  learn  it  ? " 

"Lyned  it  zish  mornin'.  Ocken  Hawwy 
said  it  over,  an'  over,  an'  over,  djust  yots  of 
timezh,  out  in  ze  garden." 

The  ladies  all  exchanged  glances — my  lady 
readers  will  understand  just  how,  and  I  as 
sure  gentlemen  that  I  did  not  find  their 
glances  at  all  hard  to  read.  Alice  looked  at 
me  inquiringly,  and  she  now  tells  me  that  I 
blushed  sheepishly  and  guiltily.  Poor  Mrs. 
May  ton  staggered  to  a  chair,  and  ex 
claimed: — 

"Too  late!  too  late!" 

Considering  their  recent  achievements, 
Toddie  and  Budge  were  a  very  modest  cou 
ple  as  I  drove  them  home  that  evening. 
Budge  even  made  some  attempt  at  apologiz 
ing  for  their  appearance,  saying  that  they 
couldn't  find  Maggie,  and  couldrit  wait  any 
*  Learned. 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  227 

longer;  but  I  assured  him  that  no  apology 
was  neccessary.  I  was  in  such  excellent  spir 
its  that  my  feeling  became  contagious ;  and 
we  sang  songs,  told  stories,  and  played  ridic 
ulous  games  most  of  the  evening,  paying  but 
little  attention  to  the  dinner  that  was  set  for 
us. 

"  Uncle  Harry,"  said  Budge,  suddenly, 
"  do  you  know  we  haven't  ever  sung, — 

"Drown  old  Pharaoh's  Army  Hallelujah," 

since  you've  been  here?     Let's  do  it  now." 

"All  right,  old  fellow."  I  knew  the.  song 
— such  as  there  was  of  it — and  its  chorus,  as 
every  one  does  who  ever  heard  the  Jubilee 
Singers  render  it;  but  I  scarcely  understood 
the  meaning  of  the  preparations  which 
Budge  made.  He  drew  a  large  rocking-chair 
into  the  middle  of  the  room,  and  ex 
claimed  : — 

"  There,  Uncle  Harry — you  sit  down. 
Come  along,  Tod — you  sit  on  that  knee,  and 


228  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

I'll  sit  on  this.     Lift  up  both  hands,  Tod, 
like   I    do.     Now   we're    all    ready,  Uncle 
Harry." 
I  sang  the  first  line, — 

"When  Israel  was  in  bondage,  they  cried  unto  de 
Lord," 

without  any  assistance,  but  the  boys  came  in 
powerfully  on  the  refrain,  beating  time  simul 
taneously  with  their  four  fists  upon  my 
chest.  I  cannot  think  it  strange  that  I  sud 
denly  ceased  singing,  but  the  boys  viewed 
my  action  from  a  different  standpoint. 

"What  makes  you  stop,  Uncle  Harry?" 
asked  Budge. 

"  Because  you  hurt  me  badly,  my  boy ;  you 
mustn't  do  that  again." 

"Why,  I  guess  you  ain't  very  strong; 
that's  the  way  we  do  to  papa,  an'  it  don't 
hurt  him" 

Poor  Tom  I  No  wonder  he  grows  flat- 
chested. 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  229 

"  Guesh  you's  a  ky-baby,"  suggested  Tod- 
die. 

This  imputation  I  bore  with  meekness,  but 
ventured  to  remark  that  it  was  bed-time. 
After  allowing  a  few  moments  for  the  usual 
expressions  of  dissent,  I  staggered  up-stairs 
with  Toddie  in  my  arms,  and  Budge  on  my 
back,  both  boys  roaring  in  refrain  of  the  ne 
gro  hymn : — • 

"I'm  a  rolling  through  an  Unfriendly  World." 

The  offer  of  a  stick  of  candy  to  whichever 
boy  was  first  undressed,  caused  some  lively 
disrobing,  after  which  each  boy  received  the 
prize.  Budge  bit  a  large  piece,  wedged  it 
between  his  cheek  and  his  teeth,  closed  his 
eyes,  folded  his  hands  on  his  breast,  and 
prayed : — 

"  Dear  Lord,  bless  papa  an'  mamma,  an 
Toddie  an'  me,  an'  that  turtle  Uncle  Harry 
found:  and  bless  that  lovely  lady  Uncle 
Harry  goes  riding  with,  an'  make  'em  take 


230          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

me  too,  an'  bless  that  nice  old  lady  with 
white  hair,  that  cried,  and  said  I  was  a  smart 
boy.  Amen." 

Toddie  sighed  as  he  drew  his  stick  of  can 
dy  from  his  lips ;  then  he  shut  his  eyes  and 
remarked : 

"  Dee  Lord,  blesh  Toddie,  an'  make  him 
good  boy,  an'  blesh  zem  ladies  zat  told  me  to 
sayitaden;"  the  particular  "  it "  referred  to 
being  well  understood  by  at  least  three  adults 
of  my  acquaintances. 

The  course  of  Budge's  interview  with  Mrs. 
Mayton  was  afterward  related  by  that  lady, 
as  follows: — She  was  sitting  in  her  own  room 
(which  was  on  the  parlor-floor,  and  in  the 
rear  of  the  house),  and  was  leisurely  reading 
"  Fated  to  be  Free,"  when  she  accidentally 
dropped  her  glasses.  Stooping  to  pick  them 
up,  she  became  aware  that  she  was  not  alone. 
A  small,  very  dirty,  but  good-featured  boy 
stood  before  her,  his  hands  behind  his  back, 
and  an  inquiring  look  in  his  eyes. 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  231 

"  Run  away,  little  boy,"'  said  she.  "  Don't 
you  know  it  isn't  polite  to  enter  rooms  with 
out  knocking?" 

"  I'm  lookin'  for  my  uncle,"  said  Budge,  in 
most  melodious  accents,  "  an'  the  other  ladies 
said  you  would  know  when  he  would  come 
back." 

"  I'm  afraid  they  were  making  fun  of  you — 
or  me,"  said  the  old  lady,  a  little  severely. 
"  I  don't  know  anything  about  little  boys' 
uncles.  Now  run  away,  and  don't  disturb 
me  any  more." 

"  Well,"  continued  Budge,  "  they  said  your 
little  girl  went  with  him,  and  you'd  know 
when  she  would  come  back." 

"  I  haven't  any  little  girl,"  said  the  old 
lady,  her  indignation,  at  a  supposed  joke, 
threatening  to  overcome  her  dignity.  "  Now, 
go  away." 

"She  isn't  a  very  little  girl,"  said  Budge, 
honestly  anxious  to  conciliate;  "that  is,  she's 
bigger 'n  /  am,  but  they  said  you  was  her 


232  HELEN'S   BABIES. 

mother,  an'  so  she's  you're  little  girl,  isn't 
she?  / think  she's  lovely,  too." 

"Do  you  mean  Miss  Mayton?"  asked  the 
lady,  thinking  she  had  a  possible  clue  to  the 
cause  of  Budge's  anxiety. 

"  Oh,  yes — that's  her  name— I  couldn't 
think  of  it,"  eagerly  replied  Budge.  "An* 
ain't  she  AWFUL  nice? — I  know  she  is ! " 

"  Your  judgment  is  quite  correct,  consider 
ing  your  age,"  said  Mrs.  Mayton,  exhibiting 
more  interest  in  Budge  than  she  had  hereto 
fore  done.  "  But  what  makes  you  think  she 
is  nice?  You  are  rather  younger  than  her 
male  admirers  usually  are." 

"Why,  my  Uncle  Harry  told  me  so,"  re 
plied  Budge,  "  an'  he  knows  everything." 

Mrs.  Mayton  grew  vigilant  at  once,  and 
dropped  her  book. 

"Who  w  your  Uncle  Harry,  little  boy?" 

"  He's  Uncle  Harry;  don't  you  know  him? 
He  can  make  nicer  whistles  than  my  papa 
can.  An'  he  found  a  turtle " 


HELEN'S   BABIES.  233 

"Who  is  your  papa?"  interrupted  the  old 
lady. 

"Why,  he's  papa — I  thought  everybody 
knew  who  he  was." 

"  What  is  your  name  ? "  asked  Mrs.  May- 
ton. 

"John  Burton  Lawrence,"  promptly  an 
swered  Budge. 

Mrs.  Mayton  wrinkled  her  brows  for  a  mo 
ment,  and  finally  asked : — 

"  Is  Mr.  Burton  the  uncle  you  are  looking 
for?" 

"  I  don't  know  any  Mr.  Burton,"  said 
Budge,  a  little  dazed;  "uncle  is  mamma's 
brother,  an'  he's  been  livin'  at  our  house  ever 
since  mamma  an'  papa  went  off  visitin',  an' 
he  goes  ridin'  in  our  carriage,  an' " 

"Humph!"  remarked  the  lady,  with  so 
much  emphasis  that  Budge  ceased  talking. 
A  moment  later  she  said  :— 

"  I  didn't  mean  to  interrupt  you,  little  boy; 
go  on." 


234          HELEN'S   BABIES. 

' — An'  he  rides  with  just  the  loveliest 
lady  that  ever  was.  He  thinks  so,  an*  / 
KNOW  she  is.  An'  he  'spects  her." 

"  What? "  exclaimed  the  old  lady. 

"  — 'Spects  her,  I  say — that's  what  lie  says. 
/  say  'spects  means  just  what  /  call  love. 
Cos  if  it  don't,  what  makes  him  give  her 
hugs  and  kisses?" 

Mrs.  Mayton  caught  her  breath,  and  did 
not  reply  for  a  moment.  At  last  she 
said : — 

"  How  do  you  know  he — gives  her  hugs 
and  kisses  ? " 

"  Cos  I  saw  him,  the  day  Toddie  hurt  his 
finger  in  the  grass-cutter.  An'  he  was  so 
happy  that  he  bought  me  a  goat-carriage 
next  morning — I'll  show  it  to  you  if  you 
come  down  to  our  stable,  an'  I'll  show  you 
the  goat  too.  An'  he  bought " 

Just  here  Budge  stopped,  for  Mrs.  Mayton 
put  her  handkerchief  to  her  eyes.  Two  or 
three  moments  later  she  felt  a  light  touch  on 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          235 

her  knee,  and,  wiping  her  eyes,  saw  Budge 
looking  sympathetically  into  her  face. 

"I'm  awful  sorry  you  feel  bad,"  said  he. 
"  Are  you  'fraid  to  have  your  little  girl  ridin' 
so  long?" 

"  Yes !  exclaimed  Mrs.  Mayton,  with  great 
decision. 

"  Well,  you  needn't  be,  said  Budge,  "  for 
Uncle  Harry's  awful  careful  an'  smart." 

"  He  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  himself ! "  ex 
claimed  the  lady. 

"I  guess  he  is,  then,"  said  Budge,  "cos 
he's  ev'rything  he  ought  to  be.  He's  awful 
careful.  T'other  day,  when  the  goat  ran 
away,  an'  Toddie  an'  me  got  in  the  carriage 
with  them,  he  held  on  to  her  tight,  so  she 
couldn't  fall  out." 

Mrs.  Mayton  brought  her  foot  down  with  a 
violent  stamp. 

"  I  know  you'd  'spect  him,  if  you  knew  how 
nice  he  was,"  continued  Budge.  "  He  sings 
awful  funny  songs,  an'  tells  splendid  stories." 


236          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Nonsense ! "  exclaimed  the  angry  mother. 

"  They  ain't  no  nonsense  at  all,"  said 
Budge.  "  I  don't  think  it's  nice  for  to  say 
that,  when  his  stories  are  always  about  Jo- 
seph,  an'  Abraham,  an'  Moses,  an'  when  Je 
sus  was  a  little  boy,  an'  the  Hebrew  children, 
an'  lots  of  people  that  the  Lord  loved.  An' 
he's  awful  'fectionate,  too." 

"  Yes,  I  suppose  so,"  said  Mrs.  Mayton. 

"  When  we  says  our  prayers  we  prays  for 
the  nice  lady  what  he  'spects,  an'  he  likes  us 
to  do  it,"  continued  Budge. 

"How  do  you  know?"  demanded  Mrs. 
Mayton. 

"  Cos  he  always  kisses  us  when  we  do  it, 
an'  that's  what  my  papa  does  when  he  likes 
what  we  pray." 

Mrs.  Mayton's  mind  became  absorbed  in 
earnest  thought,  but  Budge  had  not  said  all 
that  was  in  his  heart. 

"  An'  when  Toddie  or  me  tumbles  down 
an'  hurts  ourselves,  'tain't  no  matter  what 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          237 

Uncle  Harry's  doin'  he  runs  right  out  an' 
picks  us  up  an'  comforts  us.  He  froed  away 
a  cigar  the  other  day,  he  was  in  such  a  hurry 
when  a  wasp  stung  me,  an'  Toddie  picked 
the  cigar  up  and  ate  it,  an'  it  made  him  aw 
ful  sick." 

The  last-named  incident  did  not  affect 
Mrs.  Mayton  deeply,  perhaps  on  the  score  of 
inapplicability  to  the  question  before  her. 
Budge  went  on : — 

"An' wasn't  he  good  to  me  to-day?  Just 
cos  I  was  forlorn,  cos  I  hadn't  nobody  to 
play  with,  an'  wanted  to  die  an'  go  to  heaven, 
he  stopped  shavin',  so  as  to  comfort  me." 

Mrs.  Mayton  had  been  thinking  rapidly 
and  seriously,  and  her  heart  had  relented 
somewhat  toward  the  principal  offender. 

"Suppose,"  said  she,  "that  I  don't  let 
my  little  girl  go  riding  with  him  any 
more  ? " 

'  Then,"  said  Budge,  "  I  know  he'll  be  aw 
ful,  awful  unhappy,  an'  I'll  be  awful  sorry  for 


238  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

him,  cos  nice  folks  oughtn't  to  be  made  un 
happy." 

"  Suppose,  then,  that  I  do  let  her  go,"  said 
Mrs.  Mayton. 

"Then  I'll  give  you  a  whole  stomachful  of 
kisses  for  being  so  good  to  my  uncle,"  said 
Budge.  And  assuming  that  the  latter  course 
would  be  the  one  adopted  by  Mrs.  Mayton, 
Budge  climbed  into  her  lap  and  began  at 
once  to  make  payment. 

"  Bless  your  dear  little  heart ! "  exclaimed 
Mrs.  Mayton;  "you're  of  the  same  blood, 
and  it  is  good,  if  it  is  rather  hasty." 

As  I  arose  the  next  morning,  I  found  a  let 
ter  under  my  door.  Disappointed  that  it 
was  not  addressed  in  Alice's  writing,  I  was 
nevertheless  glad  to  get  a  word  from  my  sis 
ter,  particularly  as  the  letter  ran  as  follows  :— 

"JULY  i,  1875. 

"  DEAR  OLD  BROTHER, — I've  been  recalling 
a  fortnight's  experience  we  once  had  of  court 
ship  in  a  boarding-house,  and  I've  deter- 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  239 

mined  to  cut  short  our  visit  here,  hurry 
home,  and  give  you  and  Alice  a  chance  or 
two  to  see  each  other  in  parlors  where  there 
won't  be  a  likelihood  of  the  dozen  or  two  in 
terruptions  you  must  suffer  each  evening 
now.  Tom  agrees  with  me,  like  the  obe 
dient  old  darling  that  he  is;  so  please  have 
the  carriage  at  Hillcrest  station  for  us  at 
1 1 : 40  Friday  morning.  Invite  Alice  and  her 
mother  for  me  to  dine  with  us  Sunday,— 
we'll  bring  them  home  from  church  with  us. 
"  Lovingly,  your  sister, 

"  HELEN. 

"  P.  S.  Of  course  you'll  have  my  darlings 
in  the  carriage  to  receive  me. 

"  P.  P.  S.  Would  it  annoy  you  to  move 
into  the  best  guest-chamber? — I  can't  bear 
to  sleep  where  I  can't  have  tfom  within 
reach." 

Friday  morning  they  intended  to  arrive, 
—blessings  on  their  thoughtful  hearts!— 
and  this  was  Friday.  I  hurried  into  the 
boys'  room,  and  shouted : — 


240  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"  Toddie !  Budge !  who  do  you  think  is 
coming  to  see  you  this  morning? " 

"Who?"  asked  Budge. 

"Organ-grinder?"  queried  Toddie. 

"  No,  your  papa  and  mamma." 

Budge  looked  like  an  angel  in  an  instant, 
but  Toddie's  eyes  twitched  a  little,  and  he 
mournfully  murmured:— 

"  I  fought  it  wash  an  organ-grinder." 

"O  Uncle  Harry!"  said  Budge,  springing 
out  of  bed  in  a  perfect  delirium  of  delight,  "  I 
believe  if  my  papa  an'  mamma  had  stayed 
away  any  longer,  I  believe  I  would  die.  I've 
been  so  lonesome  for  'em  that  I  haven't 
known  what  to  do — I've  cried  whole  pillows- 
ful  about  it,  right  here  in  the  dark." 

"  Why,  my  poor  old  fellow,"  said  I,  picking 
him  up  and  kissing  him,  "  why  didn't  you 
come  and  tell  Uncle  Harry,  and  let  him  try 
to  comfort  you  ? " 

"I  couldnt"  said  Budge;  "when  I  gets 
lonesome,  it  feels  as  if  my  mouth  was  all 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  241 

tied  up,  an'  a  great  big  stone  was  right  in 
here."  And  Budge  put  his  hand  on  his 
chest. 

"  If  a  big  'tone  wazh  inshide  of  me"  said 
Toddie,  "I'd  take  it  out  an'  frow  it  at  the 
shickens." 

"  Toddie,"  said  I,  "  aren't  you  glad  papa  an' 
mamma  are  coming? " 

"  Yesh,"  said  Toddie,  "  I  fink  it'll  be  awfoo 
nish.  Mamma  always  bwings  me  candy  fen 
she  goes  away  any  fere." 

"  Toddie,  you're  a  mercenary  wretch." 

"  Aint  a  mernesary  wetch;  Izhe  Toddie 
Yawncie." 

Toddie  made  none  the  less  haste  in  dress 
ing  than  his  brother,  however.  Candy  was 
to  him  what  some  systems  of  theology  are  to 
their  adherents — not  a  very  lofty  motive  of 
action  but  sweet,  and  something  he  could 
fully  understand ;  so  the  energy  displayed  in 
getting  himself  tangled  up  in  his  clothes  was 
something  wonderful. 

16 


242  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"Stop,  boys,"  said  I,  "you  must  have  on 
clean  clothes  to-day.  You  don't  want  your 
father  and  mother  to  see  you  all  dirty,  do 
you?" 

"  Of  course  not,"  said  Budge. 

"  Oh,  Izh  I  goin'  to  be  djessed  up  all 
nicey?"  asked  Toddie.  "Goody!  goody! 
goody ! " 

I  always  thought  my  sister  Helen  had 
an  undue  amount  of  vanity,  and  here  it 
was  reappearing  in  the  second  genera 
tion. 

"An'  I  wantsh  my  shoes  made  all  nigger," 
said  Toddie. 

"What?" 

"  Wantsh  my  shoesh  made  all  nigger  wif  a 
bottle-bwush,  too,"  said  Toddie. 

I  looked  appealingly  at  Budge,  who  an 
swered  : — 

"  He  means  he  wants  his  shoes  blacked, 
with  the  polish  that's  in  a  bottle,  an'  you  rub 
it  on  with  a  brush." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  243 

"An'  I  wantsh  a  thath  on,"  continued 
Toddie. 

"  Sash,  he  means,"  said  Budge.  "  He's 
awful  proud." 

"An'  Ize  doin'  to  wear  my  takker-hat," 
said  Toddie.  "  An'  my  wed  djuvs." 

"  That's  his  tassel-hat  an'  his  red  gloves," 
continued  the  interpreter. 

u  Toddie,  you  can't  wear  gloves  such  hot 
days  as  these,"  said  I. 

A  look  of  inquiry  was  speedily  followed 
by  Toddie 's  own  unmistakable  preparations 
for  weeping;  and  as  I  did  not  want  his  eyes 
dimmed  when  his  mother  looked  into  them 
I  hastily  exclaimed  :— 

"  Put  them  on,  then — put  on  the  mantle  of 
rude  Boreas,  if  you  choose;  but  don't  go  to 
crying." 

"  Don't  want  no  mantle-o'-wude-baw- 
yusses,"  declared  Toddie,  following  me  pho 
netically,  "  wantsh  my  own  pitty  cozhesh,  an' 
nobody  eshesh." 


244          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

"O  Uncle  Harry!"  exclaimed  Budge,  "  I 
want  to  bring  mamma  home  in  my  goat- 
carriage  1 " 

"  The  goat  isn't  strong  enough,  Budge,  to 
draw  mamma  and  you." 

"  Well,  then,  let  me  drive  down  to  the  de 
pot  just  to  show  papa  an'  mamma  I've  got  a 
goat-carriage — I'm  sure  mamma  would  be 
very  unhappy  when  she  found  out  I  had  one, 
and  she  hadn't  seen  it  first  thing." 

"  Well,  I  guess  you  may  follow  me  down, 
Budge,  but  you  must  drive  very  carefully." 

"Oh,  yes — I  wouldn't  get  us  hurt  when 
mamma  was  coming,  for  anything." 

"  Now,  boys,"  said  I,  "  I  want  you  to  stay 
in  the  house  and  play  this  morning.  If  you 
go  out  of  doors  you'll  get  yourselves  dirty.' 

"  I  guess  the  sun'll  be  disappointed  if  it 
don't  have  us  to  look  at,"  suggested  Budge. 

"Never  mind,"  said  I,  "the  sun's  old 
enough  to  have  learned  to  be  patient." 

Breakfast  over,  the  boys  moved  reluctantly 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  245 

away  to  the  play-room,  while  I  inspected  the 
house  and  grounds  pretty  closely,  to  see  that 
everything  should  at  least  fail  to  do  my  man 
agement  discredit.  A  dollar  given  to  Mike 
and  another  to  Maggie  were  of  material  assist 
ance  in  this  work,  so  I  felt  free  to  adorn  the 
parlors  and  Helen's  chamber  with  flowers. 
As  I  went  into  the  latter  room  I  heard  some 
one  at  the  wash-stand,  which  was  in  the 
alcove,  and  on  looking  I  saw  Toddie  drink 
ing  the  last  of  the  contents  of  a  goblet  which 
contained  a  dark-colored  mixture. 

"  Ize  takin  black  medshin,"  said  Toddie ; 
"  I  likes  black  medshin  awfoo  muts." 

"  What  do  you  make  it  of? "  I  asked,  with 
some  sympathy,  and  tracing  parental  influ 
ence  again.  When  Helen  and  I  were  chil 
dren  we  spent  hours  in  soaking  liquorice  in 
water  and  administering  it  as  medicine. 

"  Makesh  it  out  of  shoda  mitsture,"  said 
Toddie. 

This  was  another  medicine  of   our  child- 


246  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

hood  days,  but  one  prepared  according  to 
physicians'  prescription,  and  not  beneficial 
when  taken  ad  libitum.  As  I  took  the  vial — 
a  two-ounce  one — I  asked: — 

"  How  much  did  you  take,  Toddie?" 
"  Took  whole  bottoo  full — twas  nysh,"  said 
he. 

Suddenly  the  label  caught  my  eye — it  read 
PAREGORIC.  In  a  second  I  had  snatched 
a  shawl,  wrapped  Toddie  in  it,  tucked  him 
under  my  arm,  and  was  on  my  way  to  the 
barn.  In  a  moment  more  I  was  on  one  of 
the  horses  and  galloping  furiously  to  the  vil 
lage,  with  Toddie  under  one  arm,  his  yellow 
curls  streaming  in  the  breeze.  People  came 
out  and  stared  as  they  did  at  John  Gilpin, 
while  one  old  farmer  whom  I  met  turned  his 
team  about,  whipped  up  furiously,  and  fol 
lowed  me,  shouting  "Stop  thief!"  I  after 
ward  learned  that  he  took  me  to  be  one  of 
the  abductors  of  Charley  Ross,  with  the  lost 
child  under  my  arm,  and  that  visions  of  the 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  247 

$20,000  reward  floated  before  his  eyes.  In 
front  of  an  apothecary's  I  brought  the  horse 
suddenly  upon  his  haunches,  and  dashed  in, 
exclaiming: — 

"  Give  this  child  a  strong  emetic — quick. 
He's  swallowed  poison ! " 

The  apothecary  hurried  to  his  prescription- 
desk,  while  a  motherly-looking  Irish  woman 
upon  whom  he  had  been  waiting,  exclaimed, 
"Holy  Mither!  I'll  run  an'  fetch  Father 
O'Kelley,"  and  hurried  out.  Meanwhile 
Toddie,  upon  whom  the  medicine  had  not 
commenced  to  take  effect,  had  seized  the 
apothecary's  cat  by  the  tail,  which  operation 
resulted  in  a  considerable  vocal  protest  from 
that  animal. 

The  experiences  of  the  next  few  moments 
were  more  pronounced  and  revolutionary 
than  pleasing  to  relate  in  detail.  It  is  suffi 
cient  to  say  that  Toddie 's  weight  was  mate 
rially  diminished,  and  that  his  complexion 
was  temporarily  pallid.  Father  O'Kelley 


248          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

arrived  at  a  brisk  run,  and  was  honestly  glad 
to  find  that  his  services  were  not  required, 
although  I  assured  him  that  if  Catholic  bap 
tism  and  a  sprinkling  of  holy  water  would 
improve  Toddle's  character,  I  thought  there 
was  excuse  for  several  applications.  We 
rode  quietly  back  to  the  house,  and  while  I 
was  asking  Maggie  to  try  to  coax  Toddie 
into  taking  a  nap,  I  heard  the  patient  remark 
to  his  brother: — 

"  Budgie,  down  to  the  village  I  was  a 
whay-al.  I  didn't  froe  up  Djonah,  but 
I  froed  up  a  whole  floor  full  of  uwer 
fings." 

During  the  hour  which  passed  before  it 
was  time  to  start  for  the  depot,  my  sole  atten 
tion  was  devoted  to  keeping  the  children 
from  soiling  their  clothes;  but  my  success 
was  so  little,  that  I  lost  my  temper  entirely. 
First  they  insisted  upon  playing  on  a  part  of 
the  lawn  which  the  sun  had  not  yet  reached. 


HELEN'S    BABIES.  249 

Then,  while  I  had  gone  into  the  house  for  a 
match  to  light  my  cigar,  Toddie  had  gone 
with  his  damp  shoes  into  the  middle  of  the 
road,  where  [the  dust  was  ankle  deep.  Then 
they  got  upon  their  hands  and  knees  on  the 
piazza  and  played  bear.  Each  one  wanted  to 
pick  a  bouquet  for  his  mother,  and  Toddie 
took  the  precaution  to  smell  every  flower  he 
Approached — an  operation  which  caused  him 
to  get  his  nose  covered  with  lily-pollen,  so 
that  he  looked  like  a  badly  used  prize-fighter. 
In  one  of  their  spasms  of  inaction,  Budge 
asked : — 

"  What  makes  some  of  the  men  in  church 
have  no  hair  on  the  tops  of  their  heads,  Un 
cle  Harry?" 

"  Because,"  said  I,  pausing  long  enough  to 
shake  Toddie  for  trying  to  get  my  watch  out 
of  my  pocket,  "  because  they  have  bad  little 
boys  to  bother  them  all  the  time,  so  their 
hair  drops  out." 

"  I  dess  my  hairs   is  a-goin'   to  drop  out 


250          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

pitty  soon,  then,"  remarked  Toddie,  with  an 
injured  air. 

"  Harness  the  horses,  Mike,"  I  shouted. 

"  An'  the  goat,  too,"  added  Budge. 

Five  minutes  later  I  was  seated  in  the  car 
riage,  or  rather  in  Tom's  two-seated  open 
wagon.  "  Mike,"  I  shouted,  "  I  forgot  to  tell 
Maggie  to  have  some  lunch  ready  for  the 
folks  when  they  get  here — run,  tell  her, 
quick,  won't  you  ? " 

"  Oye,  oye,  sur,"  said  Mike,  and  off  he 
went. 

"  Are  you  all  ready,  boys? "  I  asked. 

"  In  a  minute,"  said  Budge;  "soon  as  I  fix 
this.  Now,"  he  continued,  getting  into  his 
seat,  and  taking  the  reins  and  whip,  "go 
ahead." 

"Wait  a  moment,  Budge — put  down  that 
whip,  and  don't  touch  the  goat  with  it  once 
on  the  way.  I'm  going  to  drive  very  slowly 
— there's  plenty  of  time,  and  all  you  need  to 
do  is  to  hold  your  reins." 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          251 

"All  right,"  said  Budge,  "but  I  like  to 
look  like  mans  when  I  drive." 

"You  may  do  that  when  somebody  can 
run  beside  you.  Now ! " 

The  horses  started  at  a  gentle  trot,  and 
the  goat  followed  very  closely.  When 
within  a  minute  of  the  depot,  however, 
the  train  swept  in.  I  had  intended  to 
be  on  the  platform  to  meet  Tom  and 
Helen,  but  my  watch  was  evidently  slow. 
I  gave  the  horses  the  whip,  looked  be 
hind  and  saw  the  boys  were  close  upon 
me,  and  I  was  so  near  the  platform  when 
I  turned  my  head  that  nothing  but  the 
sharpest  of  turns  saved  me  from  a  severe 
accident.  The  noble  animals  saw  the  dan 
ger  as  quickly  as  I  did,  however,  and 
turned  in  marvelously  small  space;  as  they 
did  so,  I  heard  two  hard  thumps  upon  the 
wooden  wall  of  the  little  depot,  heard  also 
two  frightful  howls,  saw  both  my  nephews 
considerably  mixed  up  on  the  platform,  while 


252  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

the  driver  of  the  Bloom-Park  stage  growled 
in  my  ear: — 

"  What  in  thunder  did  you  let  'em  hitch 
that  goat  to  your  axle-tree  for? " 

I  looked,  and  saw  the  man  spoke  with  just 
cause.  How  the  goat's  head  and  shoulders 
had  maintained  their  normal  connection  dur 
ing  the  last  minute  of  my  drive,  I  leave  for 
naturalists  to  explain.  I  had  no  time  to 
meditate  on  the  matter  just  then,  for  the 
train  had  stopped.  Fortunately  the  children 
had  struck  on  their  heads,  and  the  Lawrence- 
Burton  skull  is  a  marvel  of  solidity.  I  set 
them  upon  their  feet,  brushed  them  off  with 
my  hands,  promised  them  all  the  candy  they 
could  eat  for  a  week,  wiped  their  eyes,  and 
hurried  them  to  the  other  side  of  the  depot. 
Budge  rushed  at  Tom,  exclaiming: — 

"  See  my  goat,  papa ! " 

Helen  opened  her  arms,  and  Toddie  threw 
himself  into  them,  sobbing:— 

"  Mam — ma!  shing  '  Toddie  one-boy-day ! ' ' 


HELEN'S   BABIES.          253 

How  uncomfortable  a  man  can  feel  in  the 
society  of  a  dearly-loved  sister  and  an  incom 
parable  brother-in-law  I  never  imagined  until 
that  short  drive.  Helen  was  somewhat  con 
cerned  about  the  children,  but  she  found 
time  to  look  at  me  with  so  much  of  sympa 
thy,  humor,  affection,  and  condescension  that 
I  really  felt  relieved  when  we  reached  the 
house.  I  hastily  retired  to  my  own  room, 
but  before  I  had  shut  the  door  Helen  was 
with  me,  and  her  arms  were  about  my  neck ; 
before  the  dear  old  girl  removed  them  we 
had  grown  far  nearer  to  each  other  than  we 
had  ever  been  before. 

And  how  gloriously  the  rest  of  the  day 
passed  off.  We  had  a  delightful  little  lunch, 
and  Tom  brought  up  a  bottle  of  Roederer, 
and  Helen  didn't  remonstrate  when  he  insist 
ed  on  its  being  drank  from  her  finest  glasses, 
and  there  were  toasts  drank  to  "  Her "  and 
"  Her  Mother,"  and  to  the  Benedict  that  was 
to  be.  And  then  Helen  proposed  "  the  mak- 


254          HELEN'S    BABIES. 

ers  of  the  match — Budge  and  Toddie!" 
which  was  honored  with  bumpers.  The  gen 
tlemen  toasted  did  not  respond,  but  they 
stared  so  curiously  that  I  sprang  from  my 
chair  and  kissed  them  soundly,  upon  which 
Tom  and  Helen  exchanged  significant 
glances. 

Then  Helen  walked  down  to  Mrs.  Clark- 
son's  boarding-house,  all  for  the  purpose  of 
showing  a  lady  there  with  a  skirt  to  make 
over  just  how  she  had  seen  a  similar  garment 
rearranged  exquisitely.  And  Alice  strolled 
down  to  the  gate  with  her  to  say  good-by; 
and  they  had  so  much  to  talk  about  that 
Helen  walked  Alice  nearly  to  our  house,  and 
then  insisted  on  her  coming  the  rest  of  the 
way  so  she  might  be  driven  home.  And 
then  Mike  was  sent  back  with  a  note  to  say 
to  Mrs.  Mayton  that  her  daughter  had  been 
prevailed  upon  to  stay  to  evening  dinner,  but 
would  be  sent  home  under  capable  escort. 
And  after  dinner  was  over  and  the  children 


HELEN'S   BABIES.          255 

put  to  bed,  Tom  groaned  that  he  must 
attend  a  road-board  meeting,  and  Helen 
begged  us  to  excuse  her  just  a  minute  while 
she  ran  into  the  doctor's  to  ask  how  poor 
Mrs.  Brown  had  been  doing,  and  she  con 
sumed  three  hours  and  twenty-five  minutes 
in  asking,  bless  her  sympathetic  soul ! 

The  dreaded  ending  of  my  vacation  did  not 
cause  me  as  many  pangs  as  I  had  expected. 
Helen  wanted  to  know  one  evening  why,  if 
her  poor,  dear  Tom  could  go  back  and  forth 
to  the  city  to  business  every  day,  her  lazy 
big  brother  couldn't  go  back  and  forth  to 
Hillcrest  daily,  if  she  were  to  want  him  as 
a  boarder  for  the  remainder  of  the  season. 
Although  I  had  for  years  inveighed  against 
the  folly  of  cultivated  people  leaving  the  city 
to  find  residences,  Helen's  argument  was 
unanswerable  and  I  submitted.  I  did  even 
more;  I  purchased  a  lovely  bit  of  ground 
(though  the  deed  stands  in  Tom's  name  for 
the  present),  and  Tom  has  brought  up  sev- 


256  HELEN'S    BABIES. 

eral  plans  of  cottage-houses,  and  every  even 
ing  they  are  spread  on  the  dining-room  table, 
and  there  gather  round  them  four  people, 
among  whom  are  a  white-goods  salesman, 
and  a  young  lady  with  the  brightest  of  eyes 
and  cheeks  full  of  roses  and  lilies.  This  lat 
ter-named  personage  has  her  own  opinions  of 
the  merits  of  all  plans  suggested,  and  insisted 
that  whatever  plan  is  adopted  must  have  a 
lovely  room  to  be  set  apart  as  the  exclusive 
property  of  Helen's  boys.  Young  as  these 
gentlemen  are  I  find  frequent  occasions  to  be 
frightfully  jealous  of  them,  but  they  are  un 
moved  by  either  my  frowns  or  persuasions — 
artifice  alone  is  able  to  prevent  their  monopo 
lizing  the  time  of  an  adorable  being  of  whose 
society  I  cannot  possibly  have  too  much. 
She  insists  that  when  the  ceremony  takes 
place  in  December,  they  shall  officiate  as 
groomsmen,  and  I  have  not  the  slightest 
doubt  that  she  will  carry  her  point.  In  fact, 
I  confess  to  frequent  affectionate  advances 


HELEN'S    BABIES.          257 

toward  them  myself,  and  when  I  retire  with 
out  first  seeking  their  room  and  putting  a 
grateful  kiss  upon  their  unconscious  lips,  my 
conscience  upbraids  me  with  base  ingrati 
tude.  To  think  I  might  yet  be  a  hopeless 
bachelor  had  it  not  been  for  them,  is  to 
overflow  with  thankfulness  to  the  giver  of 
HELEN'S  BABIES. 

17 


THE  END. 


A.  L.  Burl's  Catalogue  of  Books  for 
Young  People  by  Popular  Writers,  52- 
58  Duane  Street,  New  York  ^  X  X 


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There.    By  LEWIS  CARROLL.    12mo,  cloth,  50  illustrations,  price  76  cents. 
"A  delight  alike  to  the  young  people  and  their  elders,  extremely  fanny 
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Little  Lucy's   Wonderful   Globe.    By  CHARLOTTE   M. 

YONOE.    12mo,  cloth,  illustrated,  price  75  cents. 

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Joan's  Adventures  at  the  North  Pole  and  Elsewhere. 

BY  ALICE  CORK.RAN.    12mo,  cloth,  illustrated,  price  75  cents. 

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